I've been pretty up-front about my anxiety on here since I started this blog, but I also think anxiety is greatly misunderstood. I've had friends tell me they never thought anxiety really existed until they met me. Anxiety is debilitating, and mine is nothing compared to what some people suffer with. I can remember being anxious after my dad died, almost immediately. I was mostly anxious that I would lose my mom or sisters, which I think is pretty normal for anyone after they lose someone they love, but I was always anxious when my mom or sisters left. I can also remember calling my mom while she was at work several times a day. Thank goodness my mom worked with a wonderful group of nurses, now her best friends, who understood and were so kind to me. Not all coworkers would willingly talk to a six-year-old and tell them her mommy was with a patient but was OK.
I also had a terrible anxiety of breaking the rules. I was that kid, the tattletale. It wasn't that I thought the other kids were bad, it's that I never wanted anyone to get into trouble. This idea of following the rules has followed me my whole life, although I know things are much more grey than black and white.
The anxiety got bad when I was about 12. I went out to visit Courtney in California for Spring Break in 7th grade and I came back and I remember Grandma and Mom sitting me down and talking to me about how they think I needed to go talk to someone. I think at that point it was more depression rooted in my anxiety, but then a whole different can of worms was opened when my grandma died.
My junior and senior years of high school were when my anxiety really started affecting my every day life, and I stopped sleeping. For about two years I ran on about 4 hours of sleep a night. I know SO many people do this, but if you know me well, I am not a very nice person when I'm tired. A lot of that anxiety was about the SAT, ACT, and where I would go to college. Then senior year...I was so anxious about going away to school. Selfishly, I was afraid of what my mom and grandpa would do without me. I did worry about grandpa spending so much time alone, not that I was home that much in high school anyway because of my extracurriculars, but still. I had also been that kid that had to be picked up from sleepovers in the middle of the night when I was young, so I was also worried about spending so much time away from home and how lonely I would get. My mom and I had serious discussions about me taking a year off because I was so anxious about leaving and being lonely, etc.
Anxiety has held me back from a lot of things, many social situations, going to things where I didn't know anyone, and putting myself out there to experience new opportunities and meet new people. But somehow, God has kept me in the palm of His hand and has allowed me to still have so many wonderful experiences. One thing I've realized about anxiety is that it is all Satan. Anxiety is the sin that I struggle with the most, and I do think it's a sin, because it is not of God. God lays out in so many places in his Word that we are not to be anxious, but it's my weakness and Satan loves to prey on it. He constantly tells me that people won't like me if they know my heart, that they won't like how "twisted" some of my thoughts are, that I'm not good enough to be in that position, and that I'm unlovable and I cannot be redeemed. Sometimes I do get anxious about my salvation, and let me tell you, that's scary. I think it's something every Christian faces, because satan can literally be the devil on our shoulders telling us that God wouldn't want us because of what we've done. And when anxiety was taking over my life, the devil did just that. He told me that because of my past sins, and because of the fact that my anxiety is a sin I struggle with, sometimes hour by hour, that God wouldn't redeem me. But guess what? I've learned that those are complete lies. Satan is a terrible, horrible liar. Jesus died on the cross for you and me. When I read the gospel and read the part of Jesus's crucifixion, I can't help but cry. I'm overcome with such incredible emotion as the Holy Spirit whispers to me, "He loved you enough." And He did, He does. He loves me enough to die on the cross for my sins, and for my anxiety. Every thought of anxiety I must turn into a prayer, because the devil cannot be glorified in my anxiety. I've spent too many hours crying, too many sleepless nights, and I've had too many days lost to my anxiety. Enough.
I've noticed myself slipping back into many anxious thoughts and sleepless nights, so I've made a commitment to do my quiet time again, and so far so good. And last night while doing my Beth Moore study, the lesson ended with this. The instructions are to fill in every blank with your name...
My child, ________, I loved you before you were born. I knit you in your mother's womb and knew what your first and last words would be. I knew every difficulty you, ________, would face. I suffered each one with you. Even the ones you didn't suffer with me. I had a plan for your life before you were born. The plan has not changed, _______, no matter what has happened or what you have done. You see, I already knew all things concerning you before I formed you. I would never allow any hurt to come into your life that I could not use for eternity, ______. Will you let Me? Your truth is incomplete unless you view it against the backdrop of my truth. Your story, _______, will forever remain incomplete...until you let Me do what only I can do with your hurt. Let Me perfect that which concerns you.
I remain,
Your Faithful Father
I mean dang, cue the waterworks. So it's not going to be easy and it's going to be a daily surrendering of my heart, but this anxiety is His. He will sustain me and redeem me. So I encourage you, whatever you're struggling with right now, insert your name in those blanks above, and experience the freedom and love He has prepared for us...
And smile, God loves you!
"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7
Monday, February 4, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Overwhelmed by His Grace
God has been blowing my mind lately. Wow...that's all I can say. I am so undeserving of His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, yet He gives it to me every day.
I spent so many nights crying and on my knees begging to feel Him, see His hand, feel Him guiding me, and now, months later, I feel Him again like I did two years ago. What's even more, is that the last 2 months I've been horrible about my quiet time. I'm lazy and I need some sort of accountability system. Maybe I'll start putting check boxes on my mirror to make sure I do it every day, but despite all of this He is still encouraging me. Just in the last week He has used 4 different people to reach out to me and tell me how they've witnessed changes in me, how they value my honesty in my struggles, etc. But in all of this, I want to point to Him.
I look at my life a year ago, and I never would have thought I'd be here. I'm happy now. Yes, I still get stressed out and anxious, we all do and that's life, but I end every day being, for the most part, truly happy. And I thought I was happy last year, but when it came time for me to be alone, I was just that- alone and lonely. I grew anxious about the fact that I wasn't with my (ex) boyfriend, or with my friends, or at home; I always wanted to do something else. And as outgoing as people say I am, and I am a lot, I do also enjoy my "me" time. Some nights I'd rather be curled up with a book or watching Netflix until the wee hours of the morning, or sit and write to get my feelings out in a positive way, but in the time I spend alone now I'm content, and this is all because of the confidence I have in His love. And when I'm with my friends, I'm happy too. I'm not thinking about how I'd rather be at home alone wallowing in my own pity, I truly enjoy their company, and I think that shows.
He used the experiences in my life, over the last year and a half especially, to refine me. I'm so in love with my job and my sorority that I enjoy doing even the mundane tasks of paperwork. I won't lie to you though, I still get overwhelmed, but then I remember the blessings they serve as and I just keep chugging along.
In the beginning of last semester I didn't work nearly as hard on my school work as I should have. I spent a lot of time crying, thinking, worrying, etc., and I let my school work, my #1 job, fall by the wayside. So far this semester, and it's only been 4 weeks, I've stayed on top of my work. I so badly don't want to go back to that place I was in last semester that I get anxious about assignments due in two weeks. I'm working on it though, making a "Get Done Today" list instead of general to do list so I can feel confident in accomplishing things. I'm praying my way through it too, because I shouldn't be anxious in anything.
Every day I fall more in love with this campus and this city. It legitimately scares me to think about the fact that I graduate in less than a year and a half! These two and a half years have gone by so quickly, and I can't help but think I wasted my sophomore year, but it was all part of His plan, or at least, He used those situations to bring me closer to Him.
To hear people tell me that I've helped them see God in situations, or that they've learned from my journey, baffles me. It completely and utterly takes me by surprise. Me? I spent so many months, years even, asking God "Why me?" out of desperation, wishing my life was different, but now I sit here asking God "Why me? I am so unworthy of You steadfast love. I am so unworthy of You using me to help others." Yet He always meets me with this answer: "I can use you any way I want, little one." And He can. That's both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time! I see Him using my testimony to help others, but I so want to make sure He gets the glory. I don't want others to see my strength, but see His mighty hand and all it can do. An item on my bucket list is the ability to impact people, but I see now that I can do that just by being the young woman I am in Christ. By allowing God to use me and use my journey to help others, I can bring people to His Son, and how amazing is that? My cup overflows. I can't say it enough, and the words I've typed on this screen do very little justice to the emotions I feel. Yes, having these "good times" like now make me think about how my life might soon change and I may not be so happy, and that perhaps God is just preparing me for something that might happen, but if that's the case, either way I know He is there. He is doing it for the good, and never for the bad.
One of my favorite songs right now is the hymn with its contemporary twist, "Come Thou Fount". Just listening to it gives me chills.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung my flaming tongues above
I'll praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Oh what beautiful words and so pertinent to my life right now!
Smile, God loves you!!
I spent so many nights crying and on my knees begging to feel Him, see His hand, feel Him guiding me, and now, months later, I feel Him again like I did two years ago. What's even more, is that the last 2 months I've been horrible about my quiet time. I'm lazy and I need some sort of accountability system. Maybe I'll start putting check boxes on my mirror to make sure I do it every day, but despite all of this He is still encouraging me. Just in the last week He has used 4 different people to reach out to me and tell me how they've witnessed changes in me, how they value my honesty in my struggles, etc. But in all of this, I want to point to Him.
I look at my life a year ago, and I never would have thought I'd be here. I'm happy now. Yes, I still get stressed out and anxious, we all do and that's life, but I end every day being, for the most part, truly happy. And I thought I was happy last year, but when it came time for me to be alone, I was just that- alone and lonely. I grew anxious about the fact that I wasn't with my (ex) boyfriend, or with my friends, or at home; I always wanted to do something else. And as outgoing as people say I am, and I am a lot, I do also enjoy my "me" time. Some nights I'd rather be curled up with a book or watching Netflix until the wee hours of the morning, or sit and write to get my feelings out in a positive way, but in the time I spend alone now I'm content, and this is all because of the confidence I have in His love. And when I'm with my friends, I'm happy too. I'm not thinking about how I'd rather be at home alone wallowing in my own pity, I truly enjoy their company, and I think that shows.
He used the experiences in my life, over the last year and a half especially, to refine me. I'm so in love with my job and my sorority that I enjoy doing even the mundane tasks of paperwork. I won't lie to you though, I still get overwhelmed, but then I remember the blessings they serve as and I just keep chugging along.
In the beginning of last semester I didn't work nearly as hard on my school work as I should have. I spent a lot of time crying, thinking, worrying, etc., and I let my school work, my #1 job, fall by the wayside. So far this semester, and it's only been 4 weeks, I've stayed on top of my work. I so badly don't want to go back to that place I was in last semester that I get anxious about assignments due in two weeks. I'm working on it though, making a "Get Done Today" list instead of general to do list so I can feel confident in accomplishing things. I'm praying my way through it too, because I shouldn't be anxious in anything.
Every day I fall more in love with this campus and this city. It legitimately scares me to think about the fact that I graduate in less than a year and a half! These two and a half years have gone by so quickly, and I can't help but think I wasted my sophomore year, but it was all part of His plan, or at least, He used those situations to bring me closer to Him.
To hear people tell me that I've helped them see God in situations, or that they've learned from my journey, baffles me. It completely and utterly takes me by surprise. Me? I spent so many months, years even, asking God "Why me?" out of desperation, wishing my life was different, but now I sit here asking God "Why me? I am so unworthy of You steadfast love. I am so unworthy of You using me to help others." Yet He always meets me with this answer: "I can use you any way I want, little one." And He can. That's both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time! I see Him using my testimony to help others, but I so want to make sure He gets the glory. I don't want others to see my strength, but see His mighty hand and all it can do. An item on my bucket list is the ability to impact people, but I see now that I can do that just by being the young woman I am in Christ. By allowing God to use me and use my journey to help others, I can bring people to His Son, and how amazing is that? My cup overflows. I can't say it enough, and the words I've typed on this screen do very little justice to the emotions I feel. Yes, having these "good times" like now make me think about how my life might soon change and I may not be so happy, and that perhaps God is just preparing me for something that might happen, but if that's the case, either way I know He is there. He is doing it for the good, and never for the bad.
One of my favorite songs right now is the hymn with its contemporary twist, "Come Thou Fount". Just listening to it gives me chills.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung my flaming tongues above
I'll praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Oh what beautiful words and so pertinent to my life right now!
Smile, God loves you!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Sex, Lies and Purity
It's been on my heart for some time to write about this. It makes me nervous, I'm even a little shaky as I write this, but it's on my heart and I think it needs to be said. I've prayed a lot about what I'm going to say, so hopefully the Spirit speaks through me and this comes across OK.
Being a Christian, we're often told that sex is bad. Not bad in general, but bad outside of the marriage covenant. Here's the thing, the Bible was written a long time ago, and the people in it gave into sexual sin, lust, and immorality. Here were are in 2013 and the media screams sex. You can't open a magazine, turn on the TV, or walk through the book section at Target without it staring you right in the face. And there is so much talk about remaining pure for marriage but there is no clear cut guideline for what "pure" is. The Bible doesn't explicitly say how far is too far, where the "line" is, or what "pure" means in terms of sexual immorality. What exactly constitutes immoral? And we often forget that when we are told to maintain pure bodies and minds, it's not just related to sexual things, but really, we "should" be watching, reading, and listening to things that glorify God. We should speak kind words, love the unlovable, and help the helpless, but we get so caught up in sexual sin and what it means that we forget about those other things.
And the judgment, oh my word the judgment. I go to college, so I'm surrounded by people with varying beliefs. God is the only one who can judge. And Jesus tells us that all sin is equal. So why would you judge someone for making a mistake and having sex but not for making a mistake and having a little to drink? Or cursing? Or disobeying and being disrespectful to their parents? We can't deny that people struggle with their sins, so why focus on condemning the ones who committed sexual sin?
People make mistakes.
But guess what? For every mistake, God forgives you ten fold!
And I think we too often forget this. Because of the stigma that goes with this specific sin or type of sin, people lie. They cover up their transgressions. We all know that how you act on the outside reflects what's happening on the inside. So when people are too ashamed of their sins to admit them and be vulnerable in a safe place, how can we expect them to admit them to God? And then they accept Christ's forgiveness, but we aren't aiding each other in forgiving ourselves (quite possibly one of the hardest things to do) when we don't create an environment for people to openly admit the mistakes they've made. We close off the opportunity for fellowship and the chance to lift each other up in prayer. And God cannot be glorified in a toxic situation like that.
This also always seems to reflect more on the girl than on the boy. But giving a speech on purity and dating and stating that a girl won't be wanted by a man because she isn't pure or clean is completely counterproductive because...Jesus wants her. Jesus wants his bride, no matter what, and He will do whatever it takes to get her. And if she has to commit some sins that finally make her realize His undying love for her, He will still take her. God will stand there with open arms welcoming His bride home. And she will find a man one day, one whom God has picked specifically for her. This man will see her as God does: pure, holy, clean, and innocent. And the same goes for a guy. He will find a woman who sees him as God does.
Ugh, it just kills me how quick people are to condemn. Because if a young man or woman has committed this sin and regrets it, then they are broken. We are to help the brokenhearted find Jesus. We show them Christ's love. And we aren't doing that if we condemn them or make it so they are ashamed to be who they really are and grow in Christ as they can.
Jesus wants everyone. Look at the people God used in the Bible to do extraordinary things. Look at Jesus' disciples. All of these people were far from the perfect, holy beings we try to be on earth. No sin is too great for Christ to wash away. He will always be able to wash away the blood and the dirt and grime. He wants us all.
Real purity is admitting your mistakes. It's offering your body, heart, and mind for God to make clean. It's a daily surrender, and we all struggle with it, so why should we be quick to judge because committing sexual acts seems like a bigger sin than cursing when mad or drinking or gossiping?
And we believe in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his great purpose." "All things" includes the sins we commit. Because through overcoming that sin, we could lead someone to Jesus. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it's what I've been thinking about a lot lately, and as always I hope someone got something from this.
Smile, God loves you!
Being a Christian, we're often told that sex is bad. Not bad in general, but bad outside of the marriage covenant. Here's the thing, the Bible was written a long time ago, and the people in it gave into sexual sin, lust, and immorality. Here were are in 2013 and the media screams sex. You can't open a magazine, turn on the TV, or walk through the book section at Target without it staring you right in the face. And there is so much talk about remaining pure for marriage but there is no clear cut guideline for what "pure" is. The Bible doesn't explicitly say how far is too far, where the "line" is, or what "pure" means in terms of sexual immorality. What exactly constitutes immoral? And we often forget that when we are told to maintain pure bodies and minds, it's not just related to sexual things, but really, we "should" be watching, reading, and listening to things that glorify God. We should speak kind words, love the unlovable, and help the helpless, but we get so caught up in sexual sin and what it means that we forget about those other things.
And the judgment, oh my word the judgment. I go to college, so I'm surrounded by people with varying beliefs. God is the only one who can judge. And Jesus tells us that all sin is equal. So why would you judge someone for making a mistake and having sex but not for making a mistake and having a little to drink? Or cursing? Or disobeying and being disrespectful to their parents? We can't deny that people struggle with their sins, so why focus on condemning the ones who committed sexual sin?
People make mistakes.
But guess what? For every mistake, God forgives you ten fold!
And I think we too often forget this. Because of the stigma that goes with this specific sin or type of sin, people lie. They cover up their transgressions. We all know that how you act on the outside reflects what's happening on the inside. So when people are too ashamed of their sins to admit them and be vulnerable in a safe place, how can we expect them to admit them to God? And then they accept Christ's forgiveness, but we aren't aiding each other in forgiving ourselves (quite possibly one of the hardest things to do) when we don't create an environment for people to openly admit the mistakes they've made. We close off the opportunity for fellowship and the chance to lift each other up in prayer. And God cannot be glorified in a toxic situation like that.
This also always seems to reflect more on the girl than on the boy. But giving a speech on purity and dating and stating that a girl won't be wanted by a man because she isn't pure or clean is completely counterproductive because...Jesus wants her. Jesus wants his bride, no matter what, and He will do whatever it takes to get her. And if she has to commit some sins that finally make her realize His undying love for her, He will still take her. God will stand there with open arms welcoming His bride home. And she will find a man one day, one whom God has picked specifically for her. This man will see her as God does: pure, holy, clean, and innocent. And the same goes for a guy. He will find a woman who sees him as God does.
Ugh, it just kills me how quick people are to condemn. Because if a young man or woman has committed this sin and regrets it, then they are broken. We are to help the brokenhearted find Jesus. We show them Christ's love. And we aren't doing that if we condemn them or make it so they are ashamed to be who they really are and grow in Christ as they can.
Jesus wants everyone. Look at the people God used in the Bible to do extraordinary things. Look at Jesus' disciples. All of these people were far from the perfect, holy beings we try to be on earth. No sin is too great for Christ to wash away. He will always be able to wash away the blood and the dirt and grime. He wants us all.
Real purity is admitting your mistakes. It's offering your body, heart, and mind for God to make clean. It's a daily surrender, and we all struggle with it, so why should we be quick to judge because committing sexual acts seems like a bigger sin than cursing when mad or drinking or gossiping?
And we believe in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his great purpose." "All things" includes the sins we commit. Because through overcoming that sin, we could lead someone to Jesus. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it's what I've been thinking about a lot lately, and as always I hope someone got something from this.
Smile, God loves you!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart since the beginning of this last summer. After going through my break up in June, I realized how hard I had been trying to keep it together. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I was thrown into a new role as an RA, and I was no longer living on a freshmen hallway where my best friends lived in the rooms all around me. I was also trying to navigate through a very long distanced relationship. My new residents were only a few months younger than me, given that I have a late birthday, and I so badly wanted to make it "look easy." I often felt like a duck in water- calm and collected on top of the water, but under the surface my feet were going a million miles an hour. I was lonely. I didn't quite know how to be friends with my residents while also being an authority figure. My friends that weren't RAs all lived with other friends, and I felt left behind. Not to say that my friends didn't include me, they tried, but it was hard because my schedule was so weird and then once I got into a rut, I just kind of got stuck there.
When I hit my breaking point at the beginning of July, I realized that I had worked so hard to keep this calm, cool, and collected exterior that I completely neglected my interior. I didn't spend that much time in prayer or even quiet time (sadly, getting back into my quite time routine is something I'm currently struggling with, but I still spend time in prayer, but you still need both) and looking back this really affected me. Suddenly I was smack dab in the middle of God's plan, and I was broken, lonely, and terrified. I had SO many loving people around me. I leaped head first into my faith, despite the fact that I couldn't feel God. Little did I know that He was there with arms wide open, He was just at the finish line of reconnecting with Him, and it was a very long way to that line. I realized I had kept so much hidden that I pushed so many friends away. I invested a lot of my time, energy, and emotions into one person when in reality all of that should have been given to God, because when He is #1, everything else falls into place. When I shared a part of my testimony on here in July, I felt liberated. For once I wasn't afraid of other people's judgments, I just wanted someone to get something out of it, and I didn't know that I'd be the one to get the most out of it. Since then I've really tried to be vulnerable and transparent with my faith. It's not easy. I get angry with God. I don't understand His plan. I am full of fear, I worry, and I suffer from anxiety. Those are things I should not deal with simply because it was taken away by Jesus Christ. But I am imperfect. I am weak. I am sinful. But when I am open and honest about my struggles, when I give Him the glory of the strength I (try to) display, I feel fulfilled- and perhaps for the first time in my life.
I've mentioned it before, but I've been humbled by how many people have opened up to me and reached out to talk to be about their lives and their struggles. Through my openness and honesty I've allowed God to shine. I was recently blessed by having a friend tell me my faith has influenced her, especially the way I act when it comes to boys. I know God has a special man out there for me to marry. It may not be for 10 years, but I will wait because what He has planned is always better. Just a year ago I thought I'd be married at 23 and have babies by 25, but I look at that now and laugh. I want to go to graduate school. I want to travel. I'm 20 years old and that's so young. Anyway, this friend told me she really appreciated the way I don't change with the various groups I'm around, and how don't seek male attention or get my fulfillment from that. And man, talk about praises to God for that because the enemy so often tells me I'm not worthy and that I'm not giving Him glory.
I've taken this vulnerability into my job as well. My residents know I'm not perfect, and I no longer try to act like it. I don't hide my face as much if I cry after a bad day. I'm open about my faith- I don't push it on them because that's not my "style" and not my place when it comes to my job. But (I hope) they know my room is a safe place for anyone. I admit my flaws, and all of this has made for a much smoother year. I love coming back to my hall after a long day. Those young women never cease to amaze me, and I'm sure I see and witness more than they think I do, but watching them encourage each other and build each other up is so refreshing in a society that so often teaches women to tear each other down.
Vulnerability is something that our SAO leadership team has really been discussing in depth. We went on our retreat last weekend and man, my world was rocked. These 23 women I have the pleasure of serving with are nothing short of amazing. We shared our testimonies and really "went there." I opened up to them and shared things with them that only few know about, and they did the same. To be allowed in to someone's personal life like that is an honor and a privilege. We shared our hearts, our struggles, and our fears, and you really never know what goes on behind closed doors (or a calm face). God is doing amazing things in their lives, and I am confident in His ability to guide us in the best way for our sorority.
In reality, vulnerability makes a great leader, and a great Christian. Too often we allow ourselves to live in our own little bubbles and let everyone think everything in our life is fine and tied up in ribbons and bows when we are in the depths of despair. And God doesn't want that. Jesus died on the cross to put all of those worries and fears and struggles to death. Unfortunately, the enemy is here, and he isn't going anywhere, so he often puts those thoughts and feelings in our minds and hearts. And when we allow people to think the world doesn't get to us, we show true weakness, because we don't give God the glory in those weaknesses. When we can stand in front of a body of both believers and non-believers, or even just one or two people and say that we struggle with something, we show our imperfections and let God revel in that. We allow Him to shine rather than allow people to think we're perfect. I posted a couple of months ago about His delights in our weakness. In being vulnerable with your followers, you allow them to see God shine in you and you create a safe place where honesty and respect are valued. When your "followers" or in my case, sisterhood, see that you allow God to fill in the gaps, they follow your lead and do the same, and it's at that point that God is truly glorified. In admittance, He is finally given the chance to come in and fill in the gaps, He quenches the fears and anxieties. He weeds the garden and prunes the flowers of our hearts and finally, finally, others can see Jesus. So stand up, admit you're imperfections and struggles with humility. Let God come in and take it all away. Be vulnerable and let His light shine, because His light is the brightest. Let His love do what it was created to do and save. Allowing Him to do this in my life has truly surprised me, and although I often get fearful of the future, I know that I am in the middle of His plan, with His hand on my shoulder guiding me the whole way.
Be Vulnerable.
Smile, God loves you!
When I hit my breaking point at the beginning of July, I realized that I had worked so hard to keep this calm, cool, and collected exterior that I completely neglected my interior. I didn't spend that much time in prayer or even quiet time (sadly, getting back into my quite time routine is something I'm currently struggling with, but I still spend time in prayer, but you still need both) and looking back this really affected me. Suddenly I was smack dab in the middle of God's plan, and I was broken, lonely, and terrified. I had SO many loving people around me. I leaped head first into my faith, despite the fact that I couldn't feel God. Little did I know that He was there with arms wide open, He was just at the finish line of reconnecting with Him, and it was a very long way to that line. I realized I had kept so much hidden that I pushed so many friends away. I invested a lot of my time, energy, and emotions into one person when in reality all of that should have been given to God, because when He is #1, everything else falls into place. When I shared a part of my testimony on here in July, I felt liberated. For once I wasn't afraid of other people's judgments, I just wanted someone to get something out of it, and I didn't know that I'd be the one to get the most out of it. Since then I've really tried to be vulnerable and transparent with my faith. It's not easy. I get angry with God. I don't understand His plan. I am full of fear, I worry, and I suffer from anxiety. Those are things I should not deal with simply because it was taken away by Jesus Christ. But I am imperfect. I am weak. I am sinful. But when I am open and honest about my struggles, when I give Him the glory of the strength I (try to) display, I feel fulfilled- and perhaps for the first time in my life.
I've mentioned it before, but I've been humbled by how many people have opened up to me and reached out to talk to be about their lives and their struggles. Through my openness and honesty I've allowed God to shine. I was recently blessed by having a friend tell me my faith has influenced her, especially the way I act when it comes to boys. I know God has a special man out there for me to marry. It may not be for 10 years, but I will wait because what He has planned is always better. Just a year ago I thought I'd be married at 23 and have babies by 25, but I look at that now and laugh. I want to go to graduate school. I want to travel. I'm 20 years old and that's so young. Anyway, this friend told me she really appreciated the way I don't change with the various groups I'm around, and how don't seek male attention or get my fulfillment from that. And man, talk about praises to God for that because the enemy so often tells me I'm not worthy and that I'm not giving Him glory.
I've taken this vulnerability into my job as well. My residents know I'm not perfect, and I no longer try to act like it. I don't hide my face as much if I cry after a bad day. I'm open about my faith- I don't push it on them because that's not my "style" and not my place when it comes to my job. But (I hope) they know my room is a safe place for anyone. I admit my flaws, and all of this has made for a much smoother year. I love coming back to my hall after a long day. Those young women never cease to amaze me, and I'm sure I see and witness more than they think I do, but watching them encourage each other and build each other up is so refreshing in a society that so often teaches women to tear each other down.
Vulnerability is something that our SAO leadership team has really been discussing in depth. We went on our retreat last weekend and man, my world was rocked. These 23 women I have the pleasure of serving with are nothing short of amazing. We shared our testimonies and really "went there." I opened up to them and shared things with them that only few know about, and they did the same. To be allowed in to someone's personal life like that is an honor and a privilege. We shared our hearts, our struggles, and our fears, and you really never know what goes on behind closed doors (or a calm face). God is doing amazing things in their lives, and I am confident in His ability to guide us in the best way for our sorority.
In reality, vulnerability makes a great leader, and a great Christian. Too often we allow ourselves to live in our own little bubbles and let everyone think everything in our life is fine and tied up in ribbons and bows when we are in the depths of despair. And God doesn't want that. Jesus died on the cross to put all of those worries and fears and struggles to death. Unfortunately, the enemy is here, and he isn't going anywhere, so he often puts those thoughts and feelings in our minds and hearts. And when we allow people to think the world doesn't get to us, we show true weakness, because we don't give God the glory in those weaknesses. When we can stand in front of a body of both believers and non-believers, or even just one or two people and say that we struggle with something, we show our imperfections and let God revel in that. We allow Him to shine rather than allow people to think we're perfect. I posted a couple of months ago about His delights in our weakness. In being vulnerable with your followers, you allow them to see God shine in you and you create a safe place where honesty and respect are valued. When your "followers" or in my case, sisterhood, see that you allow God to fill in the gaps, they follow your lead and do the same, and it's at that point that God is truly glorified. In admittance, He is finally given the chance to come in and fill in the gaps, He quenches the fears and anxieties. He weeds the garden and prunes the flowers of our hearts and finally, finally, others can see Jesus. So stand up, admit you're imperfections and struggles with humility. Let God come in and take it all away. Be vulnerable and let His light shine, because His light is the brightest. Let His love do what it was created to do and save. Allowing Him to do this in my life has truly surprised me, and although I often get fearful of the future, I know that I am in the middle of His plan, with His hand on my shoulder guiding me the whole way.
Be Vulnerable.
Smile, God loves you!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
The Most Wonderful Time of Year
So it's that time of year, and I can't believe how time flies!!! It's Christmas time and time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. This is known as the most wonderful time of year, but sometimes I cannot help but have a heavy heart as I remember the loved ones who won't be joining us during this festive time. My heart has been hurting these past few days from missing my grandma.
For those of you who don't know, my grandma moved in when I was 8, about a year and a half after my dad's passing, to help with things here and so they could be near my mom (the nurse and medical expert in the family) as grandpa wasn't in good health at the time. I don't really remember the transition being "rough" in terms of having them in the house, but I do remember thinking that Grandma would bake a ton of her famous cookies and cobbler. I didn't realize she would sometimes take on the role of disciplinarian, but she had to. This is NOT to say that she did not spoil me rotten. On cold winter mornings she would take my clothes and put them in the dryer so I could have warm clothes to wear before going out to the bus stop. She woke up early and made my breakfast and lunch every day. Yes, I know how lucky I was, my oh my! Grandma also set the example of the epitome of what it meant to be a Christian woman. I can't even describe the grace (her middle name) and poise she had in every situation. I could probably count on one hand how many times she complained. Her patience could only be described as saintly. When I was 11 and had my first migraine, she sat up with me and rubbed my head and neck until I fell asleep. I also remember a time I spilled an entire bottle of shampoo on my carpet and she spent hours scraping it out of the carpet while I freaked out thinking I'd get in trouble. She was the only one who could perfectly whip up the mashed potatoes, and I don't know if she ever used a baking mix. When my anxiety really got going around age 12, she was the one who could see through everything and sat with me. I also got mono at 12 and every day we sat in the dining room and drank tea and played double solitaire at 2pm (on the days I was too weak to go to school). She tried so hard to get me involved in youth groups and going to church, but my heart just wasn't softened yet to accept Christ. I believed in God, but I didn't truly believe if that makes sense.
On Christmas day of 2005, we lost Grandma in her sleep. At 13 it was still my job to wake everyone up to open presents, and Grandma and Grandpa were the first people I went to. When I went to wake them up, Grandma didn't. She had gone to be with the Lord, and I can just envision the smile on her face and joy she must have felt when she met Him. On Christmas Eve, as I said goodnight, I somehow knew it was the last time I would kiss her warm cheek and hear the "tick tick" of her pacemaker- the most comforting sound in the world because it was Grandma. That night as I slept, I had a dream that she came into the room, kissed my cheek, told me she loved me and that she would never leave me. I remember waking up after that dream and looking at the clock which said it was between 2 and 3 am. When the paramedics came the next morning, they told my mom their best estimate of when she passed was between 2 and 3 am. I know that was no coincidence, and I was the only one she said goodbye to. I don't really believe in ghosts, but I know Grandma came to say goodbye that night.
I'm not the biggest fan of decorating for Christmas, call me Scrooge but it annoys me to put up and take down all those decorations. I LOVE how beautiful they are when they're up. However, Grandma adored decorating for Christmas, she even changed the toilet seat lid to be one with a Christmas wreath painted on it. So this year, despite the fact that I spent hours fiddling with broken tree lights, and spending a good 45 minutes putting up the garland only to realize I put the outdoor and not the indoor, I decided I would have a happy heart as Grandma would have. I do miss her though; oh how my heart aches just thinking about it. I miss falling asleep with my head in her lap to the soft "tick tick" of her pacemaker, I miss watching her make her famous pie crusts, hearing the whirring of her sewing machine, her homemade chicken and dumplings, playing double solitaire, and just the calm nature of her presence. I wish she were here to play with Caroline- I can only imagine how many tutus and princess dresses Grandma would have made for her!
Here we are almost 7 years later. I look back on the heart break, tears, anxiety, and yes, depression, that followed her death. God took Grandma from us on the same day we celebrate the birth of a Savior. God used that amazing woman to soften my heart to His love. Even though I miss her and every year on Christmas it feels like a little piece of me is missing, I know she so desperately wants me, and my family, to celebrate the birth of Christ and not mourn her death because she served Him in any way she could. Every time I hear Steven Curtis Chapman's "Do Everything," I think of Grandma; she did everything to His glory. I hope I age as she did, with poise, grace, patience, understanding, and the faith to get through anything.
On another note, I've debated a lot about posting this, but I do believe in the power of prayer and there are many fewer people who read this than see things on Facebook, so I guess I'll post this for the prayers. During my freshman year, I found a lump in my breast that had to be removed. I was very scared and didn't tell many people about it. Praises to Him because it was a benign tumor. However, during my annual exam the doctor found two more lumps. The chances of them being benign are very high and very likely, but I still have some anxiety about the surgery. It's not a serious surgery, very invasive, and I'll recover in a few days (not a big deal), but I would still love some prayers for a safe surgery.
More importantly, I ask that we all be in prayer for those who are mourning loved ones this holiday. No day is easy, but the holidays are a reminder of family togetherness, and mourning a loved one seems to be more painful at this time. Also, let us remain faithful in prayer for those who are celebrating their first holiday without a loved one because the first one is the most difficult. Let us all open our hearts to those who feel lonely on this holiday and pray that they may open their hearts to His abundant love and know that they are never truly alone.
Smile, God loves you!
For those of you who don't know, my grandma moved in when I was 8, about a year and a half after my dad's passing, to help with things here and so they could be near my mom (the nurse and medical expert in the family) as grandpa wasn't in good health at the time. I don't really remember the transition being "rough" in terms of having them in the house, but I do remember thinking that Grandma would bake a ton of her famous cookies and cobbler. I didn't realize she would sometimes take on the role of disciplinarian, but she had to. This is NOT to say that she did not spoil me rotten. On cold winter mornings she would take my clothes and put them in the dryer so I could have warm clothes to wear before going out to the bus stop. She woke up early and made my breakfast and lunch every day. Yes, I know how lucky I was, my oh my! Grandma also set the example of the epitome of what it meant to be a Christian woman. I can't even describe the grace (her middle name) and poise she had in every situation. I could probably count on one hand how many times she complained. Her patience could only be described as saintly. When I was 11 and had my first migraine, she sat up with me and rubbed my head and neck until I fell asleep. I also remember a time I spilled an entire bottle of shampoo on my carpet and she spent hours scraping it out of the carpet while I freaked out thinking I'd get in trouble. She was the only one who could perfectly whip up the mashed potatoes, and I don't know if she ever used a baking mix. When my anxiety really got going around age 12, she was the one who could see through everything and sat with me. I also got mono at 12 and every day we sat in the dining room and drank tea and played double solitaire at 2pm (on the days I was too weak to go to school). She tried so hard to get me involved in youth groups and going to church, but my heart just wasn't softened yet to accept Christ. I believed in God, but I didn't truly believe if that makes sense.
On Christmas day of 2005, we lost Grandma in her sleep. At 13 it was still my job to wake everyone up to open presents, and Grandma and Grandpa were the first people I went to. When I went to wake them up, Grandma didn't. She had gone to be with the Lord, and I can just envision the smile on her face and joy she must have felt when she met Him. On Christmas Eve, as I said goodnight, I somehow knew it was the last time I would kiss her warm cheek and hear the "tick tick" of her pacemaker- the most comforting sound in the world because it was Grandma. That night as I slept, I had a dream that she came into the room, kissed my cheek, told me she loved me and that she would never leave me. I remember waking up after that dream and looking at the clock which said it was between 2 and 3 am. When the paramedics came the next morning, they told my mom their best estimate of when she passed was between 2 and 3 am. I know that was no coincidence, and I was the only one she said goodbye to. I don't really believe in ghosts, but I know Grandma came to say goodbye that night.
I'm not the biggest fan of decorating for Christmas, call me Scrooge but it annoys me to put up and take down all those decorations. I LOVE how beautiful they are when they're up. However, Grandma adored decorating for Christmas, she even changed the toilet seat lid to be one with a Christmas wreath painted on it. So this year, despite the fact that I spent hours fiddling with broken tree lights, and spending a good 45 minutes putting up the garland only to realize I put the outdoor and not the indoor, I decided I would have a happy heart as Grandma would have. I do miss her though; oh how my heart aches just thinking about it. I miss falling asleep with my head in her lap to the soft "tick tick" of her pacemaker, I miss watching her make her famous pie crusts, hearing the whirring of her sewing machine, her homemade chicken and dumplings, playing double solitaire, and just the calm nature of her presence. I wish she were here to play with Caroline- I can only imagine how many tutus and princess dresses Grandma would have made for her!
Here we are almost 7 years later. I look back on the heart break, tears, anxiety, and yes, depression, that followed her death. God took Grandma from us on the same day we celebrate the birth of a Savior. God used that amazing woman to soften my heart to His love. Even though I miss her and every year on Christmas it feels like a little piece of me is missing, I know she so desperately wants me, and my family, to celebrate the birth of Christ and not mourn her death because she served Him in any way she could. Every time I hear Steven Curtis Chapman's "Do Everything," I think of Grandma; she did everything to His glory. I hope I age as she did, with poise, grace, patience, understanding, and the faith to get through anything.
On another note, I've debated a lot about posting this, but I do believe in the power of prayer and there are many fewer people who read this than see things on Facebook, so I guess I'll post this for the prayers. During my freshman year, I found a lump in my breast that had to be removed. I was very scared and didn't tell many people about it. Praises to Him because it was a benign tumor. However, during my annual exam the doctor found two more lumps. The chances of them being benign are very high and very likely, but I still have some anxiety about the surgery. It's not a serious surgery, very invasive, and I'll recover in a few days (not a big deal), but I would still love some prayers for a safe surgery.
More importantly, I ask that we all be in prayer for those who are mourning loved ones this holiday. No day is easy, but the holidays are a reminder of family togetherness, and mourning a loved one seems to be more painful at this time. Also, let us remain faithful in prayer for those who are celebrating their first holiday without a loved one because the first one is the most difficult. Let us all open our hearts to those who feel lonely on this holiday and pray that they may open their hearts to His abundant love and know that they are never truly alone.
Smile, God loves you!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Keep Breathing. Keep Walking.
So it seems that lately I've been asked one question repeatedly and by several different people: "Have you every felt lost in your relationship with God?" As I ponder how to answer this question, I laugh to myself and think, "man have I ever." Just read some of my other blog posts and you'll see the frustration, anger, despair, hurt, anxiety, fear, and depression I've felt over the last year or so. But I can gladly and proudly say that all of this has strengthened my faith. And I can see now that God has worked diligently to craft me into someone who can become comfortable to witness to others. I used to keep my faith to myself because I didn't want to pressure others or seem as if I'm pushing my faith onto them. I've seen though, that as people know my heart and know that it lies in Jesus, they are open to ask me questions, and I must be open to answer them.
To think of myself as a witness is funny for me, because I've spent so much of my life feeling ashamed. Even the last 6 months as I learned to navigate through a broken heart I knew the whole time God was refining me. I know that tough times will never cease, but right now I can shout from the rooftops that I am redeemed!
So after answering people's first question, they ask another one: "How do you get through it?" And I look back and can say I have no idea. Sadly, it's in these times of feeling lost that we often begin to doubt our faith. I fought, and I fought hard, to keep my faith alive. I knew all along that God wasn't changing, He wasn't going anywhere, but I was the one who created the distance; I went away. My grandmother served as an incredible inspiration and role model in my life and really pushed me to know God's love. Unfortunately, I didn't come to know him until I was 16, but I did have the chance to observe my grandma and see what it was like to be a Christ-loving woman. Goodness, she radiated with His love. She was patient, kind, graceful, loving, and so much more. It makes me sad to think that I never got to talk to her about Jesus, but as Jackie says, we can confidently know that one day we will dance with her on golden streets and praise the Holy One. But anyway, this summer when things were tough my mom told me that my grandma went through a "lull" in her faith after she had been hospitalized. She felt abandoned by God and her ability to always feel Him seemed to diminish and she felt scared and alone. She spoke with a minister and he told her that we must remain faithful, and she did. Then one day she felt God again, and her faithfulness was rewarded. Now, I often fall short of the amazing woman my grandma was, but hearing that this amazing woman of God felt distanced gave me confidence. Now I've come out on the other side of a rough patch, and it's weird, one day I did just feel Him again.
I also had to realize that I had a choice to see Him. What helped the most was seeing Him in Caroline and Drew every day this summer. I would look at those sweet little faces and be reminded that they were the epitome of what God sees in His children: purity and innocence. I couldn't look at those little chickadees and think "Oh how wonderful, science created them." No, something much bigger and greater had to create them, and His name is God. I also saw Him in the people who surrounded me. The people in my life were able to specifically fulfill my needs of love, attention, companionship, a shoulder to lean/cry on, and more during the difficult time. It's no coincidence they were there; He put them there. It isn't coincidence that my hall is amazing this year. I prayed and prayed and prayed for these young girls, and each and every one of them holds a specific place in my heart- that's no coincidence. And my family...my oh my my beautiful family. We've been through so much and they are my rock and foundation and God certainly knew what He was doing when He created the crazy Rivard daughters.
I also looked at times in my life when God intervened: in my father's death, my grandparents moving in, my grandma's death, the friends I made, my joy in dancing, the way staying with Girl Scouts opened so many opportunities despite the ridicule, making a choice to go to Disney World when I was 17 and having my first love, going to UGA and not my "dream" school, becoming an RA, joining SAO, wanting to become a teacher, applying for a leadership position in SAO. And yes, now I can even say I saw Him in the fallout of that same relationship that started when I was 17. I can see Him in my anxiety and how that thing I don't love so much about myself strengthens my faith. Although there are some loose ends in my life, some more recent than others, I trust Him. When I use these examples in talking to the people who have questions for me, I can only hope they see how He has intervened in their lives.
Of course, it's all so easy for me to say now, after the fact, while they're going through something tough. So what's my answer, you get up, dust yourself off (no matter how many times it takes), and most importantly, you keep breathing and you keep walking. If you breathe and walk then you at least know you're fulfilling His will because you're alive. You may not want to be, you may not feel Him, you may hate Him, but you wouldn't be here if you weren't meant to be. If you look hard enough you'll see Him in those past situations as I have. That's how I answer these friends.
About two months ago I heard Mercy Me's "Bring the Rain" and it struck a cord. It's a beautiful song and the lyrics I feel appropriate for this time in my life are these:
So I pray...
Bring me joy, bring me peace,
Bring the chance to be free,
Bring me anything that brings You glory,
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me, what's a little rain
These lyrics always give me chills. Truly, what is a little rain? What happens after a rainstorm? Everything is wiped clean; it's fresh and new, the perfect time to get up, breathe, and walk.
I can praise God for what I've gone through. Especially in these last few months, He's brought some pretty amazing people into my life. So to my friends struggling, keep the faith. He will come through.
Smile, God loves you!
(And for that we have SO much to smile about!)
To think of myself as a witness is funny for me, because I've spent so much of my life feeling ashamed. Even the last 6 months as I learned to navigate through a broken heart I knew the whole time God was refining me. I know that tough times will never cease, but right now I can shout from the rooftops that I am redeemed!
So after answering people's first question, they ask another one: "How do you get through it?" And I look back and can say I have no idea. Sadly, it's in these times of feeling lost that we often begin to doubt our faith. I fought, and I fought hard, to keep my faith alive. I knew all along that God wasn't changing, He wasn't going anywhere, but I was the one who created the distance; I went away. My grandmother served as an incredible inspiration and role model in my life and really pushed me to know God's love. Unfortunately, I didn't come to know him until I was 16, but I did have the chance to observe my grandma and see what it was like to be a Christ-loving woman. Goodness, she radiated with His love. She was patient, kind, graceful, loving, and so much more. It makes me sad to think that I never got to talk to her about Jesus, but as Jackie says, we can confidently know that one day we will dance with her on golden streets and praise the Holy One. But anyway, this summer when things were tough my mom told me that my grandma went through a "lull" in her faith after she had been hospitalized. She felt abandoned by God and her ability to always feel Him seemed to diminish and she felt scared and alone. She spoke with a minister and he told her that we must remain faithful, and she did. Then one day she felt God again, and her faithfulness was rewarded. Now, I often fall short of the amazing woman my grandma was, but hearing that this amazing woman of God felt distanced gave me confidence. Now I've come out on the other side of a rough patch, and it's weird, one day I did just feel Him again.
I also had to realize that I had a choice to see Him. What helped the most was seeing Him in Caroline and Drew every day this summer. I would look at those sweet little faces and be reminded that they were the epitome of what God sees in His children: purity and innocence. I couldn't look at those little chickadees and think "Oh how wonderful, science created them." No, something much bigger and greater had to create them, and His name is God. I also saw Him in the people who surrounded me. The people in my life were able to specifically fulfill my needs of love, attention, companionship, a shoulder to lean/cry on, and more during the difficult time. It's no coincidence they were there; He put them there. It isn't coincidence that my hall is amazing this year. I prayed and prayed and prayed for these young girls, and each and every one of them holds a specific place in my heart- that's no coincidence. And my family...my oh my my beautiful family. We've been through so much and they are my rock and foundation and God certainly knew what He was doing when He created the crazy Rivard daughters.
I also looked at times in my life when God intervened: in my father's death, my grandparents moving in, my grandma's death, the friends I made, my joy in dancing, the way staying with Girl Scouts opened so many opportunities despite the ridicule, making a choice to go to Disney World when I was 17 and having my first love, going to UGA and not my "dream" school, becoming an RA, joining SAO, wanting to become a teacher, applying for a leadership position in SAO. And yes, now I can even say I saw Him in the fallout of that same relationship that started when I was 17. I can see Him in my anxiety and how that thing I don't love so much about myself strengthens my faith. Although there are some loose ends in my life, some more recent than others, I trust Him. When I use these examples in talking to the people who have questions for me, I can only hope they see how He has intervened in their lives.
Of course, it's all so easy for me to say now, after the fact, while they're going through something tough. So what's my answer, you get up, dust yourself off (no matter how many times it takes), and most importantly, you keep breathing and you keep walking. If you breathe and walk then you at least know you're fulfilling His will because you're alive. You may not want to be, you may not feel Him, you may hate Him, but you wouldn't be here if you weren't meant to be. If you look hard enough you'll see Him in those past situations as I have. That's how I answer these friends.
About two months ago I heard Mercy Me's "Bring the Rain" and it struck a cord. It's a beautiful song and the lyrics I feel appropriate for this time in my life are these:
So I pray...
Bring me joy, bring me peace,
Bring the chance to be free,
Bring me anything that brings You glory,
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me, what's a little rain
These lyrics always give me chills. Truly, what is a little rain? What happens after a rainstorm? Everything is wiped clean; it's fresh and new, the perfect time to get up, breathe, and walk.
I can praise God for what I've gone through. Especially in these last few months, He's brought some pretty amazing people into my life. So to my friends struggling, keep the faith. He will come through.
Smile, God loves you!
(And for that we have SO much to smile about!)
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Every Little Girl's Dream
I'm sure you've seen the news...the Duchess of Cambridge is PREGNANT! Oh my gosh, there is what the world is calling a "royal fetus." Although I think Kate Middleton is poised, graceful, and has wonderful fashion sense and I think it's great whenever God chooses to create a life, I'm a little less than amused with this news.
You see, hearing all of this and seeing everyone's updates on Facebook and tweets on Twitter got me thinking "What about royalty really matters?" Then I got it: the fact that many little girls (and I'm sure boys) want to grow up to be a princess (or a prince). But here's the thing, we're already royalty.
When Caroline was first born, Jackie and Andrew had a hard time deciding whether or not she should play with princesses/watch the movies. I had the movies but never really wore the costumes and such like Caroline does, and neither did my sisters because our dad didn't want us thinking we needed a man to rescue us. And let's be honest, the men in the Disney movies are handsome and sweet, but not always great (Aladdin was a liar, Eugene was a thief, etc). But Jackie read this book about raising girls that talks about the ways princesses make girls feel loved and pretty, and it makes sense in a little girl's brain. Honestly, the influence the princesses have on little girls is of little importance in the way their parents raise them anyway.
Kate Middleton is our version of a modern-day princess (even though she's technically a duchess) and many women look to her with the same eyes they did as little girls watching Cinderella and Aurora. William didn't "rescue" Kate and she's a pretty independent woman. However...
And here's the catch. Ladies, we're all princesses. His princesses. That God that adores us and cherishes us, we're His. And a man did come to our rescue, but he came a long time ago and rescued us in a spiritual way, not in the worldly way like any human can. His name is Jesus. He is the King, so no prince can ever sweep us off of our feet because Jesus has already fought the good fight. No man, not even a God-fearing, Jesus-loving, wonderful man can compare to the King who gave His life for us. God loves us so much that he sent that King so that we may be royalty. Not only that, but Jesus was God's only begotten son. I don't think many of us can imagine giving up a loved one to save the world. I've never experienced what it means to have a child, but I do know the protective love I feel as an aunt, and I don't think I could EVER give up those three little ones. But God did. He saved us. Let me repeat again. We. Are. Royalty. We. Are. Princes. And. Princesses. No amount of clothing, make up, hair style, money, or possessions can change what we look like in His eyes. The "requirements" that come along with being royal are nothing in God's eyes. So please, when you're looking at those pictures of that gorgeous Duchess, or watching a movie, or a reality TV show (like I'm MORE than guilty of) and you find yourself wishing you were more beautiful, had more, achieved more, just remember that you can do no more in His eyes. You're born as a princess, live as a princess, and die as a princess. And you do not serve people, but you serve a gracious, loving, and eternal Father.
"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
~Romans 8:14-17
Smile, God loves you!
You see, hearing all of this and seeing everyone's updates on Facebook and tweets on Twitter got me thinking "What about royalty really matters?" Then I got it: the fact that many little girls (and I'm sure boys) want to grow up to be a princess (or a prince). But here's the thing, we're already royalty.
When Caroline was first born, Jackie and Andrew had a hard time deciding whether or not she should play with princesses/watch the movies. I had the movies but never really wore the costumes and such like Caroline does, and neither did my sisters because our dad didn't want us thinking we needed a man to rescue us. And let's be honest, the men in the Disney movies are handsome and sweet, but not always great (Aladdin was a liar, Eugene was a thief, etc). But Jackie read this book about raising girls that talks about the ways princesses make girls feel loved and pretty, and it makes sense in a little girl's brain. Honestly, the influence the princesses have on little girls is of little importance in the way their parents raise them anyway.
Kate Middleton is our version of a modern-day princess (even though she's technically a duchess) and many women look to her with the same eyes they did as little girls watching Cinderella and Aurora. William didn't "rescue" Kate and she's a pretty independent woman. However...
And here's the catch. Ladies, we're all princesses. His princesses. That God that adores us and cherishes us, we're His. And a man did come to our rescue, but he came a long time ago and rescued us in a spiritual way, not in the worldly way like any human can. His name is Jesus. He is the King, so no prince can ever sweep us off of our feet because Jesus has already fought the good fight. No man, not even a God-fearing, Jesus-loving, wonderful man can compare to the King who gave His life for us. God loves us so much that he sent that King so that we may be royalty. Not only that, but Jesus was God's only begotten son. I don't think many of us can imagine giving up a loved one to save the world. I've never experienced what it means to have a child, but I do know the protective love I feel as an aunt, and I don't think I could EVER give up those three little ones. But God did. He saved us. Let me repeat again. We. Are. Royalty. We. Are. Princes. And. Princesses. No amount of clothing, make up, hair style, money, or possessions can change what we look like in His eyes. The "requirements" that come along with being royal are nothing in God's eyes. So please, when you're looking at those pictures of that gorgeous Duchess, or watching a movie, or a reality TV show (like I'm MORE than guilty of) and you find yourself wishing you were more beautiful, had more, achieved more, just remember that you can do no more in His eyes. You're born as a princess, live as a princess, and die as a princess. And you do not serve people, but you serve a gracious, loving, and eternal Father.
"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
~Romans 8:14-17
Smile, God loves you!
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