I don't know why TV shows always seem to elicit big thoughts...but I guess that just shows what a TV junkie I am. So, watching One Tree Hill on Netflix, I watched the episode where a student brings a gun into a school. He wounded one, and shot himself. When we were little, we were all taught the expression, "stick and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." But oh how false this expression is. Words do hurt, and any human being can tell you they do. Now, throughout my years of schooling I faced the "mean girl," the "bully," or the rumors, but what about when I was the mean girl? When I was a bully? What about when I gave into the rumors, and even spread them? I am guilty of, at times, using my words to hurt others. Now, I regret my words and actions, and I've asked for forgiveness from God, and I can only pray that those people I've hurt have forgiven me, as I've forgiven those that hurt me.
So, in this episode, the kid brings a gun to school mostly because no one ever talked to him. He eventually grew apart from his friends, and felt all alone in the world: a different kind of heart break. Even though I faced mean people, I was, and still am, fortunate to have a family that I can be honest with. Now, in this TV show, this student lied to his mom and told her it was OK. I'm not a parent, so I cannot speak for this woman, but I pray, I pray that my niece and nephews, and eventually my children, will never have to pretend like everything is OK. I pray that as an aunt, and as a parent, that I can know these children well enough to know when they're happy. The student in the TV show also said that no one, not even a teacher, would utter a word to him at school for weeks at a time. So, of course this got me thinking about being an educator...
I have now set a new goal for myself: to say hello, or even smile, at each and every student I can. I had a teacher in high school named Coach Bettis, he taught AP US History, and every Friday was "handshake Friday", and as we left the room, we were to shake his hand and he told us to have a good weekend. Looking at this from the perspective of a future teacher, I think this was awesome. Each student in his class got to know that they were worthy of a handshake. And I think that for someone who felt left out, knowing that a teacher spoke to you and thought you were important, even just for a moment, is a good thing. As a future educator, I hope that my students never feel like I don't care, because I will. I hope to have my own "handshake Friday," or something of the sort. I still believe that although it may not seem like one person can change the world, they can change someone's world, and as a teacher, I hope to be an influence in someone's world. I hope to let them know that they are not alone, even though it seems like the world is against them. I pray I can accomplish these goals, to help those hurtful words come with a little less pain.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
What a Difference a Week (and a half) Makes!
I am glad to say I am in a much better place than I was just a little over a week ago. My sister, Jackie, reminded me of the importance of enjoying the little things in life today, because those little things will not be the same in a day, a week, or a year. I will never get today back. This last week I've really been trying to get my anxiety levels back down, and I've been doing pretty well. This week I had two programs, two papers, a test, a speech to give, and starting my field experience. With a lot of prayer and planning ahead, I was able to not get stressed out. Today especially I was reminded of how to appreciate the little things. As I was walking back from getting lunch, a cardinal flew in front of me. As most of you know, my memories of my dad are very limited, but I can vividly remember watching the cardinals in the front yard. I remember my dad telling me that his favorite color was red, so I deemed that cardinals were his favorite bird because they are red. Each time we saw a cardinal, my dad told me to make a wish, so even now, almost 14 years later, I still make a wish every time I see one. Seeing the cardinal flooded my mind with those wonderful memories of my dad, and it was like he was reminding me that even though he isn't physically here, he's still here for me.
As I dive more and more into Education classes, it becomes more evident that it is a career path the Lord really wants me in. It was about a year ago that I changed my major from Psychology to English Education, and I'm so glad I switched majors. It was something I very prayerfully considered. I admit, it is very depressing to hear teachers today talk about how much they love their students, but hate the system. Schools are getting rid of the arts, which takes away a little "escape" for students from their purely academic classes. No Child Left Behind laws are forcing teachers to teach to standardized tests, making it difficult to differentiate in their classrooms, which is what they want teachers to do. To make it even more difficult to cater to students' needs is the fact that they are getting rid of honors classes, as well as AP classes. The thing that kills me is that those making these decisions are not people who were just in high school several years ago, they have long since graduated. Hearing stories makes me think that 90% of the time, I'm crazy for wanting to pursue a career in education.
Today I began my field experience at Classic City High School. It's an alternative school for students who have either dropped out, or are many credits behind for graduating. Their teacher-student ratio is 1:15. Wow! And what's interesting is that each of these students have their own lessons on a computer system. They still switch from class to class, but using the computer system allows each student to work at their own pace. Some are working on credits even from last semester. The teacher serves as more of a mentor and helps students when they need it. Now, I don't really know enough to judge how I feel about everything being on the computer. Stay tuned to get more information. But, I think the idea of these alternative schools is amazing. Also, I wish every school had the good fortune of only having 15 students to one teacher, but that's a dream world. However, even just for today I had the chance to break the stigma about "drop outs." These students were pushed out by the system, a system that has 33 students to one teacher and puts students from AP to remedial all in one classroom. These are the students that are labeled in a way that they "don't care or want to learn." But in fact, that isn't true for all of them. One of the students I encountered today is around my age and has 3 children. Yes, I know that those were choices made on her part, but she is still given the chance to get an education on her terms, amazing. These students are also encourage to get jobs, internships, etc. They're encouraged to attend college, and the school will help them in any way they can. All of the teachers know every student's name. I guess my meager hour and a half at the school this morning just left me wanting to know more about this system. I'd like to get some insight into how I could apply some of these aspects into my school one day. I know the Lord wants me to be a teacher, it's just a matter the decisions I'll make to get there.
As I dive more and more into Education classes, it becomes more evident that it is a career path the Lord really wants me in. It was about a year ago that I changed my major from Psychology to English Education, and I'm so glad I switched majors. It was something I very prayerfully considered. I admit, it is very depressing to hear teachers today talk about how much they love their students, but hate the system. Schools are getting rid of the arts, which takes away a little "escape" for students from their purely academic classes. No Child Left Behind laws are forcing teachers to teach to standardized tests, making it difficult to differentiate in their classrooms, which is what they want teachers to do. To make it even more difficult to cater to students' needs is the fact that they are getting rid of honors classes, as well as AP classes. The thing that kills me is that those making these decisions are not people who were just in high school several years ago, they have long since graduated. Hearing stories makes me think that 90% of the time, I'm crazy for wanting to pursue a career in education.
Today I began my field experience at Classic City High School. It's an alternative school for students who have either dropped out, or are many credits behind for graduating. Their teacher-student ratio is 1:15. Wow! And what's interesting is that each of these students have their own lessons on a computer system. They still switch from class to class, but using the computer system allows each student to work at their own pace. Some are working on credits even from last semester. The teacher serves as more of a mentor and helps students when they need it. Now, I don't really know enough to judge how I feel about everything being on the computer. Stay tuned to get more information. But, I think the idea of these alternative schools is amazing. Also, I wish every school had the good fortune of only having 15 students to one teacher, but that's a dream world. However, even just for today I had the chance to break the stigma about "drop outs." These students were pushed out by the system, a system that has 33 students to one teacher and puts students from AP to remedial all in one classroom. These are the students that are labeled in a way that they "don't care or want to learn." But in fact, that isn't true for all of them. One of the students I encountered today is around my age and has 3 children. Yes, I know that those were choices made on her part, but she is still given the chance to get an education on her terms, amazing. These students are also encourage to get jobs, internships, etc. They're encouraged to attend college, and the school will help them in any way they can. All of the teachers know every student's name. I guess my meager hour and a half at the school this morning just left me wanting to know more about this system. I'd like to get some insight into how I could apply some of these aspects into my school one day. I know the Lord wants me to be a teacher, it's just a matter the decisions I'll make to get there.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Patience is a Virtue
So, as many of you know, patience is one of my shortcomings. I am NOT a patient person. Bobby gets so mad at me when we drive to the beach because I'm still a 5 year old asking "are we there yet?" I constantly ask my mom how much longer until dinner, and complain when it's longer than I want it to be. I am not a procrastinator, so therefore I like things done in a timely manner. That way, everything goes according to schedule and according to plan. However, God has an incredible sense of humor.
God is teaching me to be patient, and the more I pray for patience, the more challenges he presents to test this quality. Honestly, I've been failing at it. I have a fear of not being busy, because when I'm busy, I don't think about how sad I can get, or how worried/anxious I am. Although I have been very busy lately with school work, SAO stuff, and being an RA, every once in a while there are some times where I'm alone in my room to my thoughts. I hate it. I get anxious thinking about how I am not being productive, and therefore worry about what needs to be done, which in turn makes me apathetic towards getting work done. It's a vicious cycle, and one that is not easily broken. I am at a point where I really wonder what I am going to do with my life. Honestly, I really don't want to grow up. I wish I could just fast forward 10 years and see my life and have a great realization of "Oh, that's why I'm going through all of this." I want to know who I'm going to be. I have a plan for my life, but I often forget about God's plan. He is making it evident lately that our plans do not match up. This comes into my life especially with the situation with Bobby. As we grow closer as a couple, it makes our time apart seem like eternity. I can't even get into typing about it because I'll start crying (pathetic to the utmost degree, I know). I also get stressed out about my future in the work force. Yes, I want to be a teacher, but in my ideal world, I just want to be a mom. I got to see how wonderful it was for Jackie and Courtney to be able to work from home, and I know in my heart that that is what I want. So, and this is bad, sometimes I think "why go through all of this if I just want to be a mom?" I know that's irresponsible and obviously I'm not having a baby any time soon, and obviously I'm going to finish school. But...I digress. God even likes to interrupt my plans for the day, by presenting me with challenges to test my anxiety. I'm trying very hard to be patient and see what God has in store for me, but it isn't working out too well. He is also teaching me to embrace silence, something that I do not do willingly. I am trying to trust in God's plan no matter how difficult it is. I'm mostly just stuck in this middle spot thinking, "now what?" I don't really know who I am or what I want for now. But every day I get up, and pray for patience, and that God's will be done-no matter how difficult that is.
"I remain confident in this- I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27: 13-14
God is teaching me to be patient, and the more I pray for patience, the more challenges he presents to test this quality. Honestly, I've been failing at it. I have a fear of not being busy, because when I'm busy, I don't think about how sad I can get, or how worried/anxious I am. Although I have been very busy lately with school work, SAO stuff, and being an RA, every once in a while there are some times where I'm alone in my room to my thoughts. I hate it. I get anxious thinking about how I am not being productive, and therefore worry about what needs to be done, which in turn makes me apathetic towards getting work done. It's a vicious cycle, and one that is not easily broken. I am at a point where I really wonder what I am going to do with my life. Honestly, I really don't want to grow up. I wish I could just fast forward 10 years and see my life and have a great realization of "Oh, that's why I'm going through all of this." I want to know who I'm going to be. I have a plan for my life, but I often forget about God's plan. He is making it evident lately that our plans do not match up. This comes into my life especially with the situation with Bobby. As we grow closer as a couple, it makes our time apart seem like eternity. I can't even get into typing about it because I'll start crying (pathetic to the utmost degree, I know). I also get stressed out about my future in the work force. Yes, I want to be a teacher, but in my ideal world, I just want to be a mom. I got to see how wonderful it was for Jackie and Courtney to be able to work from home, and I know in my heart that that is what I want. So, and this is bad, sometimes I think "why go through all of this if I just want to be a mom?" I know that's irresponsible and obviously I'm not having a baby any time soon, and obviously I'm going to finish school. But...I digress. God even likes to interrupt my plans for the day, by presenting me with challenges to test my anxiety. I'm trying very hard to be patient and see what God has in store for me, but it isn't working out too well. He is also teaching me to embrace silence, something that I do not do willingly. I am trying to trust in God's plan no matter how difficult it is. I'm mostly just stuck in this middle spot thinking, "now what?" I don't really know who I am or what I want for now. But every day I get up, and pray for patience, and that God's will be done-no matter how difficult that is.
"I remain confident in this- I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27: 13-14
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