This is going to be a typical "blog" post. Full of emotion, cheesy, etc. So if that turns you off I won't be offended by you not reading this.
I've been in Athens for almost a month, and that's insane. Being and RA is an experience. Experience, yes, I guess that's what I'll call it. The Lord called me to be an RA and man is He testing me. Two of my sisters and my mom were RAs and nothing they ever said could have prepared me for this. It's nice to feel needed by people, and all of my friends say I was born to be a mother, because I like taking care of people. However, it's hard to walk that fine line between being a friend to my residents and also having to serve as an authority figure for certain situations. All of the returning RAs say it will get better, and right now it's just overwhelming but it will calm down. Between 2 meetings each week, a private meeting with my supervisor every other week, programs, Roommate Agreements, and duty every other Wednesday and some Thursdays, and keeping up with my residents and trying to be available, I'm overwhelmed. Not to mention the fact that you know, as an English Ed major you kind of read a lot. A lot. And SAO, which I LOVE. Recruitment started tonight and it was so nice to meet some potential new members. It's crazy that that was me this year. I'm excited to get to know the new girls and can't wait to see what God has in store for them and for the sisters. But, that's also really time consuming through mid-September. I feel like I'm drowning about 90% of the time. I'm like a duck in the water, fine on top and pretend everything's great, but beneath the surface my feet are going a million miles a minute.
Now on the subject of Bobby. Pennsylvania is far. He came up here for the day on Saturday to say goodbye, and it was hands-down one of the hardest things I've done. I tried so hard to protect myself this summer from feeling the heartbreak I knew would come; I often pulled away and really made Bobby work hard to pull me back in. But upon saying goodbye he wrote me this beautiful letter (I hope he's ok with me saying that), and I lost it. Everything I'd been protecting myself from came back up and I was a mess. It was a tearful goodbye on both ends. He's in Gettysburg now and is doing well. It's hard, loving someone. We both know the heartbreak that came along with our breakup a year ago. I often thought, and still sometimes do, that it'd be easier just to break up. But crying all the time because I miss him really gives me insight: if I hurt so badly and I still get to talk to him and skype him (thank God for technology, I don't know how they did it before), what would it be like if I didn't get those things? I feel silly because I cry in my room a lot and then a resident needs me and I pull myself together and act like I'm fine, I guess I've gotten really good at that over the years. It's hard when a lot of other people say we're stupid and crazy for trying the distance, but when you love someone, you'll do whatever it takes. It's also hard because my mom and dad did long distance, Jackie and Andrew did, and Courtney and Thomas did. I know, I know, believe me, Bobby and I are not naive in knowing the odds are stacked against us. I cry all the time and it stinks cause I'm reminded of our break up a year ago. If you would have told me a year ago that Bobby and I would break up for 5 months and then get back together, I'd laugh. But here we are, once again trying this distance. We've grown so much in a year, and this time we've truly dedicated our relationship to the Lord. We did fine the last 3 months of the school year last year, but Marietta is much closer to Athens than Gettysburg. I'm reminded how much he and I need to turn to God. He has a greater plan. But man, He's really testing me. I guess this is a reminder of the fact that I need to put a lot more into my relationship with Him. I'm also reminded again of how amazing Taylor is. Yet another year in our 14 year friendship has gone by. We're both suffering broken hearts from distance. We always seem to go through phases together. I can't wait to see what this 15th year has in store for me and Tay.
For now...
blessings and love.
