On this day fourteen years ago, my sisters and I lost our dad, my mom lost her husband, my grandmother her son, my aunts their brother, and many people lost a good friend. For some reason, this day this year has been much harder than in past years. Lately I've felt like I'm mourning the loss of my dad again, which they say happens as you get older, and it's natural, but let me frank...it sucks.
I only had 6 years with my dad, but in those first 6 years I knew my daddy loved me and would do anything for me. I have fond memories of playing Beauty and the Beast with my rocking horse, pretending to be pirates with stick-swords on the back swing set, attempting to learn how to ride a two-wheeler, trips to Dairy Queen after pre-school, learning that "a Rivard NEVER lies," and eating bologna sandwiches. My favorite memories of this time as being a family of six consist of sitting around the dinner table. I remember giggling, hearing about everyone's days, and table manners. My dad always emphasized family, family is your priority, and you do anything for those that you love. My dad also taught me how to play "war" the card game, chased me around the house with sweaty T-shirts, and so much more. My dad gave me my nickname "Vickie Faye" and no one really calls me that, it was a name reserved especially for Daddy.
The day my dad died haunts my memories, and it probably will forever. But that's OK, because I had an amazing father figure for the first 6 years of my life. I've realized through all that I've been going through in the past few months that I have a lot of unresolved issues revolving around my dad's death, and I think that's why I'm having such a hard time working through whatever it is I'm going through. This last month I have missed him so much, and it's been so hard not to think about how my life would be if he were here. I know I wouldn't be who I am, and I can see God's hand in all of this, but I still can't help but ask "why?" I know many of my fears, anxieties, and depression symptoms are rooted in my dad's death, and I'm hoping that with counseling and God's guidance and love, I can one day say I've overcome these things.
One thing about today though, it makes me realize what an AMAZING woman I have to call as my mom. If you don't know my mom, you should. For those who know my mother, you know the incredible love she has that radiates through a room. My favorite smell in the whole world is the smell of my mom. That may sound weird, but I know many of you think the same way. There is just something so comforting about my mom's distinct smell. I don't know if it's her lotion, the faint smell of sterilizer (from the hospital where she works), her make up, perfume, or maybe a combination, but there isn't anything I find more comforting. My mom listens to every complaint I have, wipes away too many tears to count, has fixed so many boo-boos, and is the one person I always want to hold me when I cry. She's the first person I call when I have good news, and she always has the right words to say. God knew what He was doing when He placed my mom in the role that she has as a single mother. I don't know how she's done it. I think I was about 15 before it really occurred to me that not only did I lose my dad, but my mom lost her husband and love of her life. I'll say it over and over again- I don't know how she has done it or does it every day. She dealt with four girls handling their father's death in extremely different ways, she raised 3 teenagers at the same time. My mom did whatever she could to ensure that we could each still be involved in whatever extracurriculars we wanted to be. My mom has made sacrifices and so much more. If you ask her how she has done it, she will say she didn't do it alone- talk about being humble! Yes, she had help, but she was at the forefront of it all. She never missed a game, a recital, a play, she sat front and center cheering the whole time. As a nurse, my mom has touched countless people's lives. Her hands heal through God's touch. She gets countless cards and gifts of thanks from her patients, and not every nurse can say that. My mom has set an example of humility, strength, compassion, patience, and so much more. I know my dad must look at my mom from heaven and think "wow, I couldn't have picked a better woman to spend my life with than Pam." My mom's big heart doesn't stop with her children, she took in our friends when they needed places to stay, whether it be for a holiday, while their parents were away on business, for the summer, or for a few months to get away from home. My mom loves making big meals-and thank goodness because we're now a family of 13 1/2 (with baby Workmon #3 on the way). My mom is the most selfless person I know. I hope and pray that I can be the kind of woman she is. If I can be half the woman my mother is, I've been successful.
Yes, I miss my daddy. Today was a rough day, and I know it was for my mom, my aunt, and my sisters. I get sad thinking of all of the things my dad has missed, but then again, I know he's watching us. But in this sadness, I can be grateful for the amazing woman I have as a mother.
Smile, God loves you.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
In the world, of the world, what's the difference?
We live in a dark world. It's the cold, hard truth. This darkness is never more evident than at a college football game. Disclaimer: I love UGA, I love UGA football, but in our song the words are "ain't nothin' finer in the land than a drunk, obnoxious Georgia fan." We, as Georgia fans, are notorious for being rude, whether we win or lose. Yesterday was the UGA vs. FAU game, and it's one of the few home games I get to go to this season, so of course I went. As you all know, I experienced a large renewing of faith this summer, and my life has changed, so I guess that's why my eyes have been opened to this darkness more now than in my last two years at Georgia.
There is nothing in the Bible against drinking, and I, personally, am not against it. I have many friends that drink, and I plan on doing so, and I don't mind being around people who drink. BUT my "style" is much more about people who drink socially and have a good time, not act a fool and trashy when you can't walk straight or know you won't remember today, tomorrow. Now, hanging out around alcohol is somewhat difficult for me because I am in a position of leadership. I don't want my residents, or others who know I'm an RA, to get the wrong impression of me, or think I'm a hypocrite for the example I'm trying to set. The same goes for my SAO sisters. So while it's so hard to not be around it on game days, I do my best to always have a bottle of water in my hand, and not the infamous solo cup, even if it is only filled with soda. I know that, but others don't. It really gets under my skin when there are people in my same-type leadership position, who have 30-40 18 year old freshmen looking up to them, and they succumb to the darkness of this world and act foolish while drinking alcohol. The Bible warns against its excess, not its existence.
The darkness continues as you walk to the stadium and here the F-bomb issued every 5 seconds, hear students being disrespectful to alumni, and seeing parents so drunk they don't notice their two year old getting lost in the crowd. Now, in order to sit in the student section at UGA, you must show your ID and get a special wrist band. I don't know what the heck was going on last night, but they only allowed the students to enter through one section (this disorganization is a blog post in and of itself, so I won't get into that). It was like a mob, people yelling "LET US IN!" and pushing forward. My friends and I got separated and of course no one has service inside the stadium, but I just wanted to know why everyone could not just take a deep breath and be patient while we all tried to get inside the beloved Sanford Stadium. Oh yea, the majority of them were drunk. Then you have the 35 year old who has his student ID from 1995 trying to get into the student section for the sole purpose of hitting on freshmen girls. EWWW.
Sometimes I just think we all need a reminder that we do not stop being Christians during a football game. We get sucked into games, and I understand that we get angry and a curse words slips out, I'm guilty of it. Getting angry with the game is one thing, but you don't need to yell obscene words at the players, push and shove those next to you, get hammered, and then pretend everything is OK in church on Sunday morning.
Romans 12:2 and John 15:19 tell us that God calls us not to be of the world, but in the world. And I think this is something I struggle with immensely. We are to live in the name of Christ, and do everything while trying to honor God, the father. It's hard to look at these people on game day in Athens and remember that they are God's people. It's hard not to judge them, but I do sometimes. Yesterday as I was tailgating my heart was literally breaking for this world. I mentioned this summer that I often have dark thoughts about my life, but lately these thoughts have turned into, "man, I just wish I were in Heaven already." I could happily watch my family and friends, but I would be with Jesus, where there is no pain. I could dance on golden streets with my grandma and my dad, and wait for the days when my family would join me. Building 429, a Christian group, have song lyrics that say, "take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong. All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong." And it was all I could do to sing that in my head yesterday. I don't know how to be in the world. How do I invest in people and not care about their salvation? While I struggled with this so much last night and prayed about it all evening...
What was the message about at church this morning? 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, where Paul directs the people in the church of Corinth to do all things in Christ's name, and never give up and never stop praying. God's funny, huh? I like to take notes during the sermon, that way I'm sure to pay attention and I can better reflect on the sermon when I have my quiet time before bed, so here are a few of today's highlights. Pastor Carlos opened with a question: "What are we, in today's world, doing to make sure others come to eternal life and glory?" Paul says we should try to persuade men. Not persuade in a sense that my belief is better than yours, but show them the amazing-ness that is eternal life in Christ, and show them what God's love is. We are to do this with a sound mind. We do this in response to the love of Christ because it compels us to do so. Here's the hard part: we are to regard NO ONE from a worldly point of view. It's not "just my boss" or "just the girl in my class" or "just the boy who serves food in the dining hall". They're children of the Almighty. We are to "report to duty" and pour into this people. We work as Christ's Ambassadors to reconcile others because He reconciled us. We are to pray for these people and never give up on them. This isn't easy. I struggle, man oh man, I struggle. I guess I'm asking for those of you who read this to help me be in the world and not of it, to invest but not become invested. How do you all do it? What makes it easier?
Smile, God loves you.
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father will be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
-John 14:13-14
There is nothing in the Bible against drinking, and I, personally, am not against it. I have many friends that drink, and I plan on doing so, and I don't mind being around people who drink. BUT my "style" is much more about people who drink socially and have a good time, not act a fool and trashy when you can't walk straight or know you won't remember today, tomorrow. Now, hanging out around alcohol is somewhat difficult for me because I am in a position of leadership. I don't want my residents, or others who know I'm an RA, to get the wrong impression of me, or think I'm a hypocrite for the example I'm trying to set. The same goes for my SAO sisters. So while it's so hard to not be around it on game days, I do my best to always have a bottle of water in my hand, and not the infamous solo cup, even if it is only filled with soda. I know that, but others don't. It really gets under my skin when there are people in my same-type leadership position, who have 30-40 18 year old freshmen looking up to them, and they succumb to the darkness of this world and act foolish while drinking alcohol. The Bible warns against its excess, not its existence.
The darkness continues as you walk to the stadium and here the F-bomb issued every 5 seconds, hear students being disrespectful to alumni, and seeing parents so drunk they don't notice their two year old getting lost in the crowd. Now, in order to sit in the student section at UGA, you must show your ID and get a special wrist band. I don't know what the heck was going on last night, but they only allowed the students to enter through one section (this disorganization is a blog post in and of itself, so I won't get into that). It was like a mob, people yelling "LET US IN!" and pushing forward. My friends and I got separated and of course no one has service inside the stadium, but I just wanted to know why everyone could not just take a deep breath and be patient while we all tried to get inside the beloved Sanford Stadium. Oh yea, the majority of them were drunk. Then you have the 35 year old who has his student ID from 1995 trying to get into the student section for the sole purpose of hitting on freshmen girls. EWWW.
Sometimes I just think we all need a reminder that we do not stop being Christians during a football game. We get sucked into games, and I understand that we get angry and a curse words slips out, I'm guilty of it. Getting angry with the game is one thing, but you don't need to yell obscene words at the players, push and shove those next to you, get hammered, and then pretend everything is OK in church on Sunday morning.
Romans 12:2 and John 15:19 tell us that God calls us not to be of the world, but in the world. And I think this is something I struggle with immensely. We are to live in the name of Christ, and do everything while trying to honor God, the father. It's hard to look at these people on game day in Athens and remember that they are God's people. It's hard not to judge them, but I do sometimes. Yesterday as I was tailgating my heart was literally breaking for this world. I mentioned this summer that I often have dark thoughts about my life, but lately these thoughts have turned into, "man, I just wish I were in Heaven already." I could happily watch my family and friends, but I would be with Jesus, where there is no pain. I could dance on golden streets with my grandma and my dad, and wait for the days when my family would join me. Building 429, a Christian group, have song lyrics that say, "take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong. All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong." And it was all I could do to sing that in my head yesterday. I don't know how to be in the world. How do I invest in people and not care about their salvation? While I struggled with this so much last night and prayed about it all evening...
What was the message about at church this morning? 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, where Paul directs the people in the church of Corinth to do all things in Christ's name, and never give up and never stop praying. God's funny, huh? I like to take notes during the sermon, that way I'm sure to pay attention and I can better reflect on the sermon when I have my quiet time before bed, so here are a few of today's highlights. Pastor Carlos opened with a question: "What are we, in today's world, doing to make sure others come to eternal life and glory?" Paul says we should try to persuade men. Not persuade in a sense that my belief is better than yours, but show them the amazing-ness that is eternal life in Christ, and show them what God's love is. We are to do this with a sound mind. We do this in response to the love of Christ because it compels us to do so. Here's the hard part: we are to regard NO ONE from a worldly point of view. It's not "just my boss" or "just the girl in my class" or "just the boy who serves food in the dining hall". They're children of the Almighty. We are to "report to duty" and pour into this people. We work as Christ's Ambassadors to reconcile others because He reconciled us. We are to pray for these people and never give up on them. This isn't easy. I struggle, man oh man, I struggle. I guess I'm asking for those of you who read this to help me be in the world and not of it, to invest but not become invested. How do you all do it? What makes it easier?
Smile, God loves you.
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father will be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
-John 14:13-14
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