Busy and Overwhelmed

Well, as of 4:45 this afternoon I survived my first week of the "hardest and worse year of [my] college career," at least that's how everyone prefaces the year of English Ed practicum and student teaching. I have been told from various people that EE is one of the hardest education programs at UGA. 

How do I feel, you ask? Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Inadequate. Unprepared. Anxious. 

I was doing pretty well until I got the short end of the stick for showing up late for duty because I got out of class at 4:45 on the opposite side of campus and couldn't get back here until 5, even though I did what I was told and told a supervisor for the evening that I'd be late. Then the bus was late. Then I snapped at someone which caused them to get defensive. And then I come into my room and there is this horrible smell of rotten food (despite having cleaned out my "pantry" and fridge), and I don't want my residents to have a smelly RA. That last reason is completely irrational I know, but I just lost it and just finished having my first break down of what I'm sure will be many this year. I let myself cry for about 5 minutes and then I got myself together. I think that's pretty reasonable. Oh, and I have myself locked in my room until I calm down and can then go concentrate and love on my residents. I just needed a little "me" time for about 20 minutes to recharge so I can hopefully be a good RA to them. 

Why are you having those emotions? Well, my week looks a little like this:

Sunday at 8-9 pm: RA meeting 
Monday:
5:15 am- get up
6:30 am- leave Athens
7:45 am- must be at RCA
4:30 pm (ish)- leave RCA
5:30-8pm- SAO exec meetings and chapter

Tuesday:
5:15 am- wake up
5:30 am- go for a run
7:30 am- leave for class
8am-4:45pm- in class in the same room in the education building

Wednesday:
Same as Monday except then I go on duty at 5pm which means I have to leave RCA before 4:00pm. Luckily Allisa (my mentor teacher AKA "MT") has a doctoral class in Athens at 5 so I don't feel guilty for leaving early. 

Thursday: 
same as Tuesday

Friday: "off" except every other week I have a meeting with my supervisory team for EE and every other week I have a one-on-one meeting with my supervisor for Housing. 

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm taking 5 different classes with my cohort (the 23 other English Ed majors in the program). One person has already dropped the major because just hearing about all we have to do overwhelmed her. Our Teaching Team says it's pretty typical for 2-3 people to drop. My work load is insane, consisting of 6 textbook chapters, 5 article readings that are 30-60 pages each, 1 essay response, 1 discussion post and a comment on a classmate's post, a presentation and rationale, observing and taking formal notes on my MT, observing and taking formal notes on a student, commenting on a classmate's blogpost, and writing a blogpost on my teacher blog (missrivard.blogspot.com- feel free to read that too, but it's mostly professional stuff, I decided to use this one for more personal posts since I don't think discussing my anxiety freak outs and Jesus on a teacher blog is appropriate just yet). Add to that trying to get to know my residents and catering to their needs- I'm pooped. It's hard to get all of that done and go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

I'm complaining a lot, I know, but quite honestly I'm just needing to vent right now. And since this blog is private now and the only people to follow this are big parts of my life, I feel comfortable doing so. Thanks for reading, I really just needed that vent session. Now I will unlock my door and go love on my residents. Poor things, they never see me (feeling of inadequacy). 

I really am loving my MT and RCA, like so much. But then I have this nagging feeling that says, "is this really what you're supposed to be doing?" I know it's God's plan for me right now, and I just think it's Satan picking at me while I'm weak. Coming into college and throughout my high school career, I didn't think I'd be a teacher, but God has provided and shown me that this is where He wants me. Every morning I have the same prayer, "Lord, please just give me the strength to get through the day," and He has. I think this afternoon I knew the craziness was over and so I could look to what lies ahead tomorrow rather than taking it one day at a time and I just freaked out a little.

Needless to say, prayers would be GREATLY appreciated.

Smile, God loves you!

Teaching and Privacy

I have so much to tell I just don't know where to begin! If you've kept up with my Facebook statuses, you know I was pretty upset when I found out I'd be placed in Rockdale County, an hour for a one-way trip. Add to this fact that I'm on SAO's executive board AND an RA, and you can see why I was freaking out. Not to mention I have an older car and can barely save any money at all without paying for all that gas. Well, I went to the school on Friday and fell in LOVE with it.

I've been placed at Rockdale Career Academy (RCA), which is a charter school in Rockdale County. It's a career and college prep school where students spend the first two class periods at a traditional county school and then come spend the rest of the day at RCA. The school is equipped with a green house, mechanic's garage, medical room, marketing wing, forensics lab, and so much more. Obviously, some of the students will need to attend college to pursue the careers they study at RCA, but some students may just need a certificate or none of the above. It's a student-choice school, so the students choose to come to RCA. Mrs. Lisa Hall, my incredible mentor teacher, introduced me to every staff member at the school, and everyone was SO welcoming. Mrs. Hall and many of her coworkers are UGA alum, so it's nice to have an extended bulldog family away from Athens. I ate lunch with the staff and then stood in for the staff picture- they told me I had to because I'd joined the family and now I couldn't get rid of them. Everyone raved about Lisa and how incredible she was and told me that I'd never find another place like RCA. One of the first-year Science teachers was a student teacher there last year and Micki, the principal, "snatched her up," so everyone kept telling me to keep that in mind. This is Lisa's first year as a mentor teacher, and she's in UGA's doctoral program at UGA with one of my TAs for English Ed, and that's how she was recruited. 

I think Lisa and I will be a great fit. At the end of last year, Rockdale County decided to privatize their custodial staff, meaning that members of the staff only get paid for 32 hours a week. Now, I think we all know that many custodians work way more than 32 hours a week, but now these hard-working employees work more than that allotted hour cap but only get paid for those 32 hours. In addition, they all have to wear uniforms, setting them even more apart from the other staff. Lisa made sure to introduce me to every custodian, and she knew all of their names and had something nice to say about them (I don't know if many teachers at other schools could do the same). Lisa organized a lunch for the teachers, administrators, and custodial staff so they could all eat together as ONE staff and honor the hard work of the custodians. Custodial workers are so under-appreciated and hardly get recognized for their work, and all that the teachers did for them really touched my heart.

God has a funny sense of humor, huh? I really wasn't anxious about going to the school. I was nervous about finding the school but not so much about meeting everyone, and you all know how rare that is. It was so nice to walk into the building and feel like I was exactly where I'm supposed to be. God has a plan and I prayed really hard and surrendered this whole situation to Him, and I know He will provide. 

Oh! I will be teaching 10th grade World Literature and Composition. I walked into Lisa's expertly decorated classroom (you can tell she's a veteran teacher- she taught middle school for 7ish years before starting at RCA), and she asked me if I liked to read. She has set a goal for her students to each read 12 books/semester. They will walk into class and read for 20-30 minutes (we have 90 minute classes), and then journal about what they've read. Journal topics may be given to them, or they can write about how they like the book, any vocab words they found, etc. Lisa and I will also have journals and will be reading during that time as well. Lisa says she thinks it's important to set the example and "practice what we teach" (get it? not "preach"- I'm so punny). We will also have conferences with each student about their reading about once every two weeks. Needless to say, I think I'm in the right classroom. 

Now, privacy. This blog has served as an amazing and incredible outlet for me to witness to others. I've been  blessed to share what God has and is doing in my life through this silly blog. However, as I embark on this teaching experience, I will of course want to write about my days and what I'm learning- my mistakes, my victories, etc. With that being said, I've made the decision to make this blog private. If I ever write about students I will of course change their names, but I would hate for a student to find this blog. I also want to keep any semblance of privacy that I can while teaching, and with social media, that remains difficult. I can see with every time I post that about 100+ people read this blog, and I really only hear from about 12, which is completely FINE and that's what I want, BUT if you would like to follow me on my teaching journey, please send me your email address and I will give you permission to view my blog. If you're a family member or one of my "followers," I'll automatically add you. Please don't be afraid to send me your email because I want to continue spreading the Word and His love through this particular medium. Tomorrow is the first day of school, so I will probably make the switch around Wednesday. 

Now I just have to get used to waking up at 5 am, setting out my clothes, and packing a lunch!

Smile, God loves you!