I am extremely excited to announce that I will be Sigma Alpha Omega's Mu Chapter Secretary for the 2013 year. God really put this position on my heart and what do ya know? I went for it. I also got inducted into the National Residence Hall Honorary (NRHH) this past Thursday. It's the top 1% of students living on campus and is a club focused on service and leadership. This all means that (God willing I get into the English Ed program) Fall semester senior year I will be an RA, SAO Secretary, student teaching, and a member of NRHH. Phew, I'm tired just thinking about it. I'm also fearful thinking about doing all of that, but I prayerfully considered all of these decisions- doing this perhaps for the first time in my life- and I know God will equip me with the skills to get through the stressful times and hopefully have fun along the way!
Jackie, Andrew, and the kids will also be moving to Chattanooga at the end of the month. Jackie and I are so much alike and she and Andrew were so helpful and supportive throughout everything I've gone through this last year- praying for me, encouraging me, listening to me, etc., so I'm really going to miss them. I think out of the 4 of us girls, Jackie and I are the most alike and it's nice to joke around with her and for us to talk through situations together and I'll miss having those experiences in person. It's also been so nice to witness Andrew be such a good Christian man. He really is an example of a God loving and fearing man that I hope to have in my life some day. I've also been so spoiled getting to spend so much time with Caroline and Drew. We all know how much I love those kiddos, so I'm going to miss them terribly. Drew is at such a fun age and I can't believe he will be 1 in just a little over a week! This last weekend I was home and we wrestled and he "plays dead" on the carpet until you tickle him. Caroline is still the hilarious little girl I love and she always refuses to let me go when I'm home. It is such a wonderful blessing for Andrew to get a new job because it means Jackie gets to stay home! Jackie has already assured me that she will make the short drive to Marietta whenever I come home. It's still change though so of course I struggle with it.
This next thing is also something I'm anxious about sharing. So when I was really struggling with the "fire" that I talked about on my last blog post, I prayed long and hard and finally got to the point where I've forgiven myself for the mistakes of my past. I'm the kind of person who holds on to things I did wrong in the 4th grade. I, like most people, make mistakes constantly, but I tend to harp on those mistakes and beat myself up for them years later. So I sat there praying and felt the Spirit. I know things like this freak people out, but I feel like the words that came out of this experience were God's and not mine. This is something I feel like I need to share and I've been debating about doing so for a while. I just hope that someone reading this finds some solace and comfort. So please don't make fun of me or think me weird for what I'm about to share:
I
Know You
I
know you
You’re
the one who sits alone
Crying
yourself to sleep every few nights
You
think you’re alone
But
I know you
You
think no one will see
That
you’re falling apart
Barely
hanging on
Clinging
to what little faith you have
But
I see you
I
know you
You
sit and debate
Whether
or not they will like you
You
know they’re your friends
But
they don’t know everything
They
don’t know the full story
Would
they really like you if they did?
But
I know you
You
cannot forgive yourself
For
the mistakes of your past
You’ve
been told that He forgives
But
you cannot do it yourself
You
think no one could possibly understand
But
I do
I
know you
So
you get angry
You
look in the mirror
Wondering
what happened
To
that little girl with innocent eyes
Where
has she gone?
Can
He really bring her back?
Are
you really that girl in His eyes?
You
are full of self-hate
You
don’t recognize who you are
You
wonder how it got this way
You
can’t seem to see how anyone
Could
love you with the darkness of your past
But
I do
Because
I know you
I
know you
Because
I formed you
I
created you
Those
eyes, that hair, that body
I
created it with love in mind
I
know you
Somewhere
along the line
You
got lost
But
that’s ok
Because
I’m here
I
never got lost
Because
I know you
Lay
it all down, Beloved
Because
that’s what you are
Beloved
and Chosen
Because
I chose you
I
know you
How
can you doubt
The
One who created the earth
The
One who created laughter
And
happiness
The
One who created innocence
More
importantly, forgiveness
You
have regrets
But
I have none
Because
I made you
I
know you
You
think you can hide behind
That
fake smile
Force
yourself to pretend to be happy
I
don’t need pretend
Because
I made you
Because…
I
love you
Yes,
I do.
I
love the mistakes
Because
I can forgive them
I
will use this testimony
For
the furthering of my Kingdom
You
may not believe me now
But
you will
Because
I know you
Someday
you will look back
When
I have given you
The
desires of that pretty heart
You
will look back
And
thank me for what you’re going through
I
always had something better in mind
You
just had to wait
Until
I was ready for you to see it
Because,
Beloved
I
needed to show you
To
teach you
That
I know you
So I hope someone our there got something out of that. I'm nervous for posting this so pray for me and that someone gets something from those words that God spoke through me.
Smile, God loves you!
