I used to think I was busy, yet I still had so much time to watch seasons and seasons of old TV shows on Netflix. But if you ask Jackie she will tell you I still watch a lot of Netflix (thanks to her account), but now I watch TV shows while I grade papers, or make lesson plans, or create presentations. Now I laugh at how "busy" I used to be. Just earlier this week I had someone complaining to me because they "had been going non-stop since 9:30 am," and this was 6:30pm. It took everything in me to not say, "Oh really? I've been going since 5 am and I'm on duty right now and I go on my last round at midnight and won't go to bed until 1 am and then have to get up at 5 again tomorrow, so please, tell me how tired you are." But I didn't, I smiled and said that I understood and hoped they got some rest. I need to recognize that others are still busier than me, and everyone has a different level of "busy" that they can handle.
One thing I've realized- HOW ON EARTH DO ADULTS DO IT?! I can't imagine having a family to come home to, children to pick up after work, making a meal for multiple people, helping with homework, actually spending quality time with kids and a significant other. I'm exhausted and I don't have any of that. I can barely keep poor Gatsby, my fish, alive, and I mostly survive off of frozen chicken fingers and PB&J sandwiches. Add to that that kids have extracurricular activities and then to even think about how my mom did it as a single parent...phew!
I told my mom on the phone last night that this adult thing is no joke. I am grateful though that UGA allows me to have one foot in the door to adulthood, because I can definitely see how people become shocked and depressed after graduating from college. I'm sure my depression may flair up with the change because that's one of my triggers, but at least I know what it's like to go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5- that in and of itself is a lot to get used to.
This last week was a big week for me because it was my Multi Day Teach where I planned the whole week and got evaluated. Let's just say I cried at the end of the day on Monday because it was so bad. The kids would just not listen to me, I had to be the "bad cop," and to a group of 15 year old boys everything I said about the Holocaust was a sexual innuendo. Thank goodness Ansley came to Athens Monday night for SAO founder's Day and made me feel a lot better. Tuesday, the day of my formal observation, could not have gone better though! Praise the Lord! I do realize the importance of flexibility while teaching, though. We got so far behind in a novel that I ended up having to teach from that and basically make everything up the morning of, but I'll get to teach the original stuff I had planned this coming week. I'm very blessed to have such a great MT who lets me do my own thing! By the time Thursday rolled around I was so tired I just stared into space while sitting on my futon for 15 minutes. And all I did this weekend was sleep but I'm still exhausted. Needless to say, I am VERY ready for Thanksgiving next week. I can't wait to spend time with all of my little chickadees and get some much needed rest (that is until a little blonde girl that I share a room with says, "Toria! It's morning time!). I just can't wait to see Caroline, Robby, Drew, Jacob, and Olivia and hear their sweet giggles and smiles!!! Spending time with them really puts things into perspective.
I've realized that not every day will be a good teaching day. And I will cry some days (but NEVER in front of the children, as my MT says). That is OK- it's normal even. But at the end of the day I can gladly say that God is still good. I've been working a lot lately on thanking God for all of my blessings. I'm reading a book by Ann Voskamp called A Thousand Gifts, and it's really changed the way I look at things. She emphasizes the importance of praising God in the bad times. So on Monday I cried to my mom on the phone, and then thanked God for a kind mommy, the drive back to Athens, crunchy leaves, a free meal, and the sunset that I got to witness. At the end of every day, God is still good.
Smile, God loves you!
