So, this post isn't part of the 30 day challenge, but I'm doing this more to clear my head than anything.
Isn't it amazing? By "it" I mean Christ's love. Since I've come to college I've realized a lot about myself. This shouldn't come as a surprise, college is a big deal. I realized that in high school I lived my life for me. What I wanted, who I wanted to be friends with, the grades I worked for, the school I wanted to go to. How selfish am I? I first realized the world didn't revolve around what I wanted when I found out I couldn't afford Furman. I had my heart set on it, and to hear those words is devastating. I didn't want to go to UGA, I wanted to go to a school like Furman. So, the May 1 deadline approached and I reluctantly sent my deposit to UGA. I pretended I was excited, but I wasn't, I was still upset about Furman. What little did I know. I got to UGA, my high school friends made friends, I was different from those around me, my boyfriend was at home, and I missed my family like crazy. Then I went through my first broken heart. I don't deal with change well, and this was A LOT of change in a short period of time. That's when I realized that I'd been living my life for me, and not for God. God broke me down so He could build me back up. I was what the author Francis Chan calls a "lukewarm" Christian (if you haven't read Crazy Love, I highly suggest you do.) I went to church occasionally, I said my 2 minute prayer every day, I opened my bible when I felt I really needed it (so, maybe once a month I read a chapter). I was judgmental; people who had sex, did drugs, and drank were bad people, I didn't do those things so I was a "good person". But in reality people who did those things weren't any different than me, no sin is greater than another. I realized God is a jealous God, but he is merciful. He took me away from all my comforts so I would turn to Him. I am by NO means worthy of His love, I sin daily, but yet, He forgives me. He has an amazing plan for my life and I don't know it yet. I live for Him, to know His love, to glorify Him, to follow His plan. I open my bible every day because He calls me to do so. I pray constantly because He's placed things on my heart. I've gotten to the point where after months and months of praying, I've gotten everything I want recently. I feel like it's too good to be true because I turned to God when I needed him. But perhaps this is Him showing me that I always need him.
Often when I tell people my beliefs I'm put into the "Christian" category-attempting perfection and judgmental. But no, I'm not perfect, only Jesus is. I try not to judge because I don't want to be judged, but again, I'm not perfect but I do my best to push those thoughts out of my head. When I meet you I won't thrust my beliefs on you, I won't push my bible into your hands, but if you ask me my beliefs I will tell you. My goal is that through my actions I show people that there is not "Christian" category. Christ's love isn't something to be defined or explained, it's something to be felt. When you do find His love it's amazing...simply amazing.
