Finding the bless in the mess.

It has been a HOT minute since I've written on this blog, which is odd considering writing is typically my life line. 

When I reflect on why I haven't spent much time writing on here, it's because I realize I've been a bit busy living and enjoying life...something I wasn't so good at in past years. 

If you've stuck around this blog for awhile, here's a look at what my year- end post for 2016 was like (click here). I always enjoying seeing what past Victoria has to say, because current Victoria can tell her that she was so wrong. 

If 2016 was about saying "yes" to new challenges and experiences, then 2017 was even more so a year of "yes!" I said in last year's blog post that my word for 2017 would be "confidence," and initially I thought "Well that didn't go so well," but in truth, I have become more confident in who I am as a person. 

I would say that 2017 has shown me that God's plan is always, always, always infinitely better than anything I could come up with on my own. 

Let's flashback to 17-year-old Victoria ringing in 2010 with best friends and what her plan was...
- Graduate high school with a first love
- Go to a small liberal arts college/university
- Marry her high school sweetheart
- Have said marriage at 22
- Become a psychologist
- Have her first baby at 25

The only thing on that list that went according to "plan" was the first item, and that unraveled in its own hot mess three years later. Instead of a small liberal arts school, I went to the University of Georgia (the finest institution in all the land I might add), broke up with that high school sweetheart, became a middle school teacher, was single at 22, and is unmarried at 25. I always felt this insane pressure to stick to the plan, and God threw every bit of it out the window and made it into something that glorified Him. Every set back, every breakdown, every "oh crap, now what?" moment was met with His goodness and His faithfulness and His "I have something better in mind." And I'm slowly learning to be OK with that.

In my years following college, also known as "adulting," I've realized that planning is slightly futile. I really do think God hears our plans and let's out a good chuckle. 

Now when people ask me about plans, I channel my inner Phoebe Buffay and I respond with "I don't even have a 'pl'," much less a plan. Sure, I have a mental picture of how I'd like things to go, but I really have no idea, and I'm *slowly* learning to be OK with that. 

Currently I'm in a state of transition. I'm about to move out of the only place I've ever lived in other than my mom's house and UGA Housing- cue all the feels. I'm moving in with some friends until I am established enough to get a place of my own. A blind date back in March turned in to something more (I won't get too cheesy or Brian might kill me ; ]). Teaching middle school is always insane. 

Change has always been a trigger, and right now change is abundant. Rather than freak out, I'm trying to ride the waves and find the bless in the mess. Because isn't that what life is about? Things are always messy, but finding the little blessings is what makes it all worth it. 

It took 3 years post-grad to have an established community, and I'm blessed to work with my best friends and "my people" out here. I still had an annual girls trip to Charleston with those 3 ladies I rang in 2010 with. 

2017 brought a new love, strong friendships, a trip to Charleston, Oktoberfest, a day trip to Chattanooga, a 36 hour trip to Disney World, a trip to Nashville, new students, free concerts, an SEC Championship (I would be remiss not to mention that), and endless laughs. 

I know that every new stage of life will bring its own challenges, but I pray I always remember to find the bless in the mess. 

Smile, God loves you!

"What, like [teaching] is hard?"

Fun fact- In 7th grade, for "I wish I was day," I was Elle Woods. Meeting Reese Witherspoon is on my bucket list. Some people say I need a better bucket list; I don't care. 

Summer break is coming to a close, and right now these last days of freedom feel like one loooooong Sunday evening. I get extremely anxious as summer ends, as I think most teachers do. Now that I have three years under my belt, I don't feel like a newbie anymore. I am at home in my classroom, I can make parent phone calls without feeling like I'm going to vomit (most of the time), and my skin has gotten *slightly* thicker. The anxious feelings I had going in to my first year of teaching are very different than the way I feel going in to this year. 

Going in to teaching for the first time, I felt a bit like Elle Woods. People told me it'd be hard, and student teaching proved that point. But I was going to conquer all of the tasks, grade assignments in less than 24 hours, attend every meeting with a smile, handle parent conferences with ease, and be the best dang teacher on the planet. 

What my first year of teaching really looked like: me crying. A lot. I cried on the first Friday of school because a student somehow managed to get a county pre-test out of my classroom. I cried because a student called me a bitch. I cried because a parent was upset with me. I cried when parents asked if I was really qualified for my job, after all, I "didn't look old enough to have a college degree," although they could check my student loan status and be sure of that one. I cried in front of my assistant principal. I cried out of frustration, anger, and disappointment. 

Despite all of that crying though, I learned a lot. 

I learned very quickly that the longest stretch of time is between Labor Day and Thanksgiving in the fall. The longest stretch of time in the spring is from MLK weekend to Spring Break. 

I learned August is the longest month where 12 hour days are common. May is the craziest month filled with almost daily happy hours. 

I learned that it isn't worth it to buy Ticonderoga pencils unless you're the only one using them. Those suckers aren't cheap and you will lose almost every.single.one. 

I learned I can distinguish a student's voice and call them out when I have to turn my back for a split second. I've been asked multiple times if I have cameras in my classroom. 

I learned that I would say things and use phrases I never thought were part of my vocabulary. "Stop licking your pencil." "Keeping paper in your pants is not an acceptable organization system." "No, farting in his eye will not cause pink eye." 
Y'all. I teach 8th grade, not elementary school. 

I learned that 8th graders are complicated and emotional beings that lash out and that I'm often an easy target. It's not as "uncool" to take out their anger/frustration/hurt on their teacher as it would be to cry in front of their peers. I can't tell you how many times a day I say "that wasn't about me. That wasn't about me" because it's the only way to cope. 

I learned that peeing is a luxury, especially during testing. Teachers complain about this because it's real. 

I learned that teachers do A LOT of paperwork. 

I learned how to un-jam a copy machine quickly and without kicking it. It's not uncommon for me to tell my students that their papers are messy because I got in a fight with the copy machine that morning. 

I learned how to say "no" and how to ask for help, and those are two of the most valuable things I learned in that first year of teaching. 

I learned that teaching IS, in fact, hard. That's the reason I'm anxious to go back each year. I know the stress. I know that long and sleepless nights are ahead of me. 

However, the most important thing I learned, is that the people you work with make or break your job. I work with awesome people. I work with my best friends. After all, nothing can forge a friendship faster than being in the trenches of teaching middle school students together. 

In three years of teaching, I've learned about grace. I've learned that if I give my students a warning that I'm having a bad day, they're often more understanding than if I simply lose my cool with no explanation. 

I've learned that eventually, everything WILL get done, even in May. 

I've learned that not everything needs to be graded, but if the students took time to complete it, I can take time to look at it. 

I've learned that there is an excuse for EVERYTHING. If an assignment is due online, I can count on about 15 excuses of "my wifi quit working," or "our power went out." The latter is my favorite considering I live in the same area my students do and surprisingly it didn't storm last night. 

I've learned that laughter is the best medicine. If a student says something funny and it won't completely derail your lesson, it's OK to laugh. I've had to excuse myself from my classroom to get myself together. It happens. We moved on. 
Laughter boosts any mood. I laugh at myself, my coworkers laugh at the ridiculousness that happens on a daily basis. 

I've learned that most problems teachers face during the day can be alleviated by a good vent session, chocolate, and maybe some wine. 

No, it isn't easy. Yes, it is hard, but I also couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life. Cheers to summer 2017, may all of the teachers out there enjoy their last few days of freedom and remember why we go back to this crazy profession every year.