Do you ever feel like your best isn't good enough? I know I do.
When I was younger, and would come home with a grade that was less than what I'd expected, my mom would ask me, "Did you do your best?" If the answer was yes she would reply with, "Well then, that's all I can ask of you, and that grade was well deserved." If the answer was no, she would reply with, "well then, luckily there's next time, and that grade is what you deserved."
We're taught that what we put in to something is what we will get out. The Bible even says that what you sow is what you will reap. So then why, when I'm emotionally exhausted from trying to be my best, I feel like I'm not good enough? No matter what I do, I don't get any credit. I try to put others before myself, but still, not good enough.
Back to the Bible reference, perhaps it's because I'm focusing more on my earthly relationships than my one with God. This year in college I completely transformed my relationship with the Lord. I prayed continuously and read my bible every night, not out of obligation, but because I craved that relationship. I surrounded myself with lovers of the Lord, and felt His presence all the time. Now, many months later, opening my bible seems like such a chore. Does that make me a back Christian? I feel so much better when I do, so why am I so lazy? I guess my question to those of you who read this (if anyone does) is, Have you ever been in this position? Where you feel a lull in your relationship with the Lord? My views haven't changed, I still love the Lord with all my heart, and I try to live my life according to His purpose, but I just feel so...disconnected, I guess. The easy answer is to stop being lazy and pick up my bible, but practicing that isn't easy. So what do I do? Have you ever felt disconnected? What did you do to get that back?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
This One's for the Girls
If you're a boy...you might want to stop reading, this will bore you.
It's not easy being a girl. Oh, they've told us that since we were little, right? Yet, we try to deny it. If you're a boy who's continued reading this, yes, once a month we get crabby, feel like Shamoo at SeaWorld, and want a lot of chocolate. You know what I'm talking about, you (as a guy) dread that time almost as much as we do. BUT you easily avoid your girlfriend/mom/sister/friend, etc. That's not the point of this post any way. As a girl, we're always "too" something. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too voluptuous, too un-voluptuous (yes, I made it a word), too emotional, too unemotional, too sensitive, too nice, too mean, and on and on. As women, we're genetically programmed to people please (and if you're the kind of girl who isn't, I applaud you). We say yes to everyone who asks for our help, we bite off more than we can chew. In our concern for other people's feelings, we swallow our stress, anxiety, and sadness and move on. We spend so much time taking care of others. I'm overwhelmed and I'm 18, don't have a real job, am not married, and don't have children (If you're married or a mom, I'm sorry that this seems whiny because I don't actually know anything about the real world or truly taking care of others, this I know). Today was one of those days where I broke down. I've been really stressed out an anxious lately and today it hit the fan. I snapped at Bobby, and God bless that boy for bearing the brunt of my emotional break down. To the girls reading this...it's ok. It's ok to be imperfect, it's ok to break down, and it's ok to ask for help. Sometimes life gets a little out of hand. Sometimes we have to curl up in a ball, watch chick flicks, and cry your eyes out. Just please please please remember that you're not alone. Someone in this world is thinking of you. God loves you. Isn't is amazing to think that the Creator of the universe created you with something certain in mind? He meticulously planned every part of you, and planned the person you'd be. Even though today was a rough day, I praise Him. I'm still learning to praise Him in the bad times. But because of this bad time, the next one won't seem so bad.
Here's a shout out to Carey McKay...I named this blog for you : ]
It's not easy being a girl. Oh, they've told us that since we were little, right? Yet, we try to deny it. If you're a boy who's continued reading this, yes, once a month we get crabby, feel like Shamoo at SeaWorld, and want a lot of chocolate. You know what I'm talking about, you (as a guy) dread that time almost as much as we do. BUT you easily avoid your girlfriend/mom/sister/friend, etc. That's not the point of this post any way. As a girl, we're always "too" something. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too voluptuous, too un-voluptuous (yes, I made it a word), too emotional, too unemotional, too sensitive, too nice, too mean, and on and on. As women, we're genetically programmed to people please (and if you're the kind of girl who isn't, I applaud you). We say yes to everyone who asks for our help, we bite off more than we can chew. In our concern for other people's feelings, we swallow our stress, anxiety, and sadness and move on. We spend so much time taking care of others. I'm overwhelmed and I'm 18, don't have a real job, am not married, and don't have children (If you're married or a mom, I'm sorry that this seems whiny because I don't actually know anything about the real world or truly taking care of others, this I know). Today was one of those days where I broke down. I've been really stressed out an anxious lately and today it hit the fan. I snapped at Bobby, and God bless that boy for bearing the brunt of my emotional break down. To the girls reading this...it's ok. It's ok to be imperfect, it's ok to break down, and it's ok to ask for help. Sometimes life gets a little out of hand. Sometimes we have to curl up in a ball, watch chick flicks, and cry your eyes out. Just please please please remember that you're not alone. Someone in this world is thinking of you. God loves you. Isn't is amazing to think that the Creator of the universe created you with something certain in mind? He meticulously planned every part of you, and planned the person you'd be. Even though today was a rough day, I praise Him. I'm still learning to praise Him in the bad times. But because of this bad time, the next one won't seem so bad.
Here's a shout out to Carey McKay...I named this blog for you : ]
Monday, May 9, 2011
The End of a Chapter
It's funny...how much life changes. It takes you for a roller coaster of a ride, but yet you stand grateful for every minute of it. That's how I feel about the end of my freshman year of college. As I said in a previous post, I wanted to go to Furman. I came kicking and screaming to UGA. My transition to college life sucked, to say the least. I didn't drink, I didn't party, and I had a boyfriend at home. Yea, I'm a goody-goody, but it's who I am. I thought I couldn't hang out with people who weren't like me. So I came to college and found myself having many lonely nights. Then, my boyfriend broke up with me. And going through your first broken heart away from home is awful (we're together now, again, life is funny in a twisted way). I didn't know the girls on my hall, I barely knew my roommate, and I felt alone in a sea of 34,000+ people. I cried my mom all the time begging her to take me home. I'd transfer to KSU and live at home. She told me no, and she said I had to finish out the year, then we'd talk. Obviously, God had a VERY different plan for my life. I joined the Christian sorority, and made God the center of my life. I fell madly in love with a man named Jesus Christ. Suddenly, even the bad days weren't that bad. I started hanging out with the girls on my hall, the girls I now will love forever. Yes, I'm still a goody-goody, and always will be, but I branched out of my comfort zone. I took baby-step risks, and don't regret a minute of my freshman year. I grew to LOVE my roommate, and realized how freakishly alike we truly are. As Nadgey (my roommate) and I spent our last few night in college with mattresses on the floor (our room has been empty since Saturday), I reflected on this past year. I'm grateful for every minute. Every minute I was sad, angry, agitated, stressed, anxious, laughing, crying, ecstatic, you name the feeling, I'm grateful for it. I've grown so much in the 10 months I've been in college, and I've seen growth in those around me. God truly does do what's best.
To my roommate, Nadgey~
I love you. You're moving out of our room right now and I'm currently in the study lounge to get out of the way. I'm tearing up as I write this. Thank you. For everything. You watched me cry many times in the beginning of the year, and even though we barely knew each other, you helped me when I was down. Thank you for the late night talks, for the sleep-talking conversations, for naming my body pillow Mac-Daddy, for all the SVU marathons, for the endless nights of cuddling, for introducing me to cup-o-noodles, for the endless laughter, for helping me study, for watching Bethenny, for putting up with my stress-ridden anxiety freak outs, for loving me like a sister. Thank you. This year wouldn't have been the same without you. You'll always be my best and favorite roommate. I know there will be many times during RA training in August where we will call each other freaking out. I know we will vent to each other again next year, and I look oh so forward to it.
I could say a million and ten cheesy things about my freshman year ending, but I'll spare you. We all just need to remind ourselves that everything happens for a reason, and that we will be ok. God loves us, carry on.
To my roommate, Nadgey~
I love you. You're moving out of our room right now and I'm currently in the study lounge to get out of the way. I'm tearing up as I write this. Thank you. For everything. You watched me cry many times in the beginning of the year, and even though we barely knew each other, you helped me when I was down. Thank you for the late night talks, for the sleep-talking conversations, for naming my body pillow Mac-Daddy, for all the SVU marathons, for the endless nights of cuddling, for introducing me to cup-o-noodles, for the endless laughter, for helping me study, for watching Bethenny, for putting up with my stress-ridden anxiety freak outs, for loving me like a sister. Thank you. This year wouldn't have been the same without you. You'll always be my best and favorite roommate. I know there will be many times during RA training in August where we will call each other freaking out. I know we will vent to each other again next year, and I look oh so forward to it.
I could say a million and ten cheesy things about my freshman year ending, but I'll spare you. We all just need to remind ourselves that everything happens for a reason, and that we will be ok. God loves us, carry on.
6 North Love Forever <3
Friday, May 6, 2011
You're My Person
So, I know I epically fail at the 30 Day Blog Challenge, sorry about that. (Who am I kidding? You probably don't care!)
So, being the incredible student that I am, spent this past week watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes on my brother-in-law's Netflix account. Yes, Jackie, I have actually done some studying despite what your account says. Anyway, I watched Season 2, Episode 1, tonight. At the end of the episode, Christina tells Meredith that she's "her person." Yes, I'm extremely cheesy, and teared up. I just couldn't help thinking about all the people in my life who could be "my person." The one I could call at 4 in the morning because I had a bad dream, the one I could call anytime, anywhere, and they'd know by the sound of my voice that it was time to get in the car and come to me. The one I've laughed until I've cried with. You know, the one. I'm been very blessed in my life to always have amazing friends. Yes, some friends have left me high and dry, but they obviously weren't "my person." As I sit there watching this episode, (alone on a Friday night...needless to say I'm one of the un-lucky few who got a cold in May and my Friday night plans got cancelled for me) I realize that I have so many people who are "my people." Maybe I'm just nostalgic because it's the end of my freshman year and it's so bittersweet, but I am eternally blessed. I have more than one person to call "my person." A friend of mine is going through a rough time, and transitioning between friends. We were extremely close through our last two years of high school, and have drifted somewhat in our first year of college. However, she called me this past week because she was having a rough night. She was very upset and I found myself reminiscing about all the times we used to do that. It made me think of all the times we'd texted each other random song lyrics, how we talked constantly, and how we were joined at the hip. I'm not sure what changed, but we've both grown, and not necessarily together. All these memories came flooding back with one phone call. For years of my life she was "my person." So what happened? I honestly don't know. One thing became apparent though...she never stopped being my person. She needed me, and she called me. It meant so much. Despite our growing apart, I know I can still pick up the phone any time, any where and call her, and she'll drop everything and come to where I am. I'd do the same for her. Friendships change, but when you find "your person," they never stop being that person.
Who's your person?
So, being the incredible student that I am, spent this past week watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes on my brother-in-law's Netflix account. Yes, Jackie, I have actually done some studying despite what your account says. Anyway, I watched Season 2, Episode 1, tonight. At the end of the episode, Christina tells Meredith that she's "her person." Yes, I'm extremely cheesy, and teared up. I just couldn't help thinking about all the people in my life who could be "my person." The one I could call at 4 in the morning because I had a bad dream, the one I could call anytime, anywhere, and they'd know by the sound of my voice that it was time to get in the car and come to me. The one I've laughed until I've cried with. You know, the one. I'm been very blessed in my life to always have amazing friends. Yes, some friends have left me high and dry, but they obviously weren't "my person." As I sit there watching this episode, (alone on a Friday night...needless to say I'm one of the un-lucky few who got a cold in May and my Friday night plans got cancelled for me) I realize that I have so many people who are "my people." Maybe I'm just nostalgic because it's the end of my freshman year and it's so bittersweet, but I am eternally blessed. I have more than one person to call "my person." A friend of mine is going through a rough time, and transitioning between friends. We were extremely close through our last two years of high school, and have drifted somewhat in our first year of college. However, she called me this past week because she was having a rough night. She was very upset and I found myself reminiscing about all the times we used to do that. It made me think of all the times we'd texted each other random song lyrics, how we talked constantly, and how we were joined at the hip. I'm not sure what changed, but we've both grown, and not necessarily together. All these memories came flooding back with one phone call. For years of my life she was "my person." So what happened? I honestly don't know. One thing became apparent though...she never stopped being my person. She needed me, and she called me. It meant so much. Despite our growing apart, I know I can still pick up the phone any time, any where and call her, and she'll drop everything and come to where I am. I'd do the same for her. Friendships change, but when you find "your person," they never stop being that person.
Who's your person?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May 1, 2011
This will be another one of those days in my life where I'll look back and think, "I remember where i was when
." Today, that blank is filled with "when Osama bin Laden died." I'm sure I'm going to offend some people with this blog, and I don't mean to at all. It is completely justifiable for you to have your own opinions. This is a blog, obviously I am NOT an informed politician.
Osama bin Laden is dead.
How great is it to say those words?
Here's where I'm probably going to offend some of you, and again, I'm sorry.
Yes, this is a HUGE event for the US, but what about the millions of Americans affected by those 9/11 attacks? What about the millions world-wide who were affected by the actions of this man? What about the thousands of troops who have spent 10 years trying to find this man? Those who've lost loved ones in this war? What about the intelligence agents who captured and executed him? Today, these millions of people receive peace. The fight to find the man responsible for a decade worth of heartbreak, tears, hard work, and so much more is finally dead. Praise the Lord. Let us not forget to pray for those who still struggle with affects of this one man. Justice is hear. Praise the Lord.
I remember where I was...do you?
." Today, that blank is filled with "when Osama bin Laden died." I'm sure I'm going to offend some people with this blog, and I don't mean to at all. It is completely justifiable for you to have your own opinions. This is a blog, obviously I am NOT an informed politician.
Osama bin Laden is dead.
How great is it to say those words?
Here's where I'm probably going to offend some of you, and again, I'm sorry.
Yes, this is a HUGE event for the US, but what about the millions of Americans affected by those 9/11 attacks? What about the millions world-wide who were affected by the actions of this man? What about the thousands of troops who have spent 10 years trying to find this man? Those who've lost loved ones in this war? What about the intelligence agents who captured and executed him? Today, these millions of people receive peace. The fight to find the man responsible for a decade worth of heartbreak, tears, hard work, and so much more is finally dead. Praise the Lord. Let us not forget to pray for those who still struggle with affects of this one man. Justice is hear. Praise the Lord.
I remember where I was...do you?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day 11
Day 11: Your Siblings
Ok, I know it's been a long time, but I've been super busy : ]
Courtney: Courtney is my oldest sister, 11 years older to be exact. One of my favorite memories with Courtney are when she used to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" to me when I was little. It wasn't until I was writing my speech for her wedding and was going to include that song tid bit that I realized many of the words were wrong. Either way, I still sing the wrong lyrics. Courtney went to college when I was I was 7, and I tormented her for it. Our age gap has gotten smaller since I've gotten older. She went to Emory University and is currently a graduate student getting her PhD. Courtney is now married to Thomas, and they have a son, Robby, who is a little over 3 months old.
Kristy: Kristy is the second oldest, 8 years older, and works for a company in Atlanta. Kristy taught me to do hair, which my hall-mates appreciate, as do I. Kristy graduated from Vanderbilt and lives in Atlanta. I used to love when Kristy would come home from college and we would have movie nights and get junk food. Just today I was remembering one night when it was just Kristy and I in the house, I think my mom was out of town. Any way, we got frozen corn dogs and cheese sticks. That was one of my favorite dinners.
Jackie: Jackie is the third oldest, and is 7 years older than me. Jackie and I have the same sense of humor, and share our addiction to reality TV. She's the one that got me addicted (I'm giving you credit, Jack!) Jackie went to the University of Tennessee. Much to my dismay, I used to wear that ugly orange : ] Jackie is married to Andrew and they have a daughter, Caroline, who is 15 months old. Jackie and I both share a love for dance, and we often make up tap rhythms and challenge each other in our foyer. Yes, we get bored.
I am sooooo proud of everything my sisters have accomplished. They're my number one icebreaker, I could talk about my sisters for hours. We're all very different, but we love each other just the same. I'm happiest when I'm with my sisters. As wide as the sky...
Ok, I know it's been a long time, but I've been super busy : ]
Courtney: Courtney is my oldest sister, 11 years older to be exact. One of my favorite memories with Courtney are when she used to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" to me when I was little. It wasn't until I was writing my speech for her wedding and was going to include that song tid bit that I realized many of the words were wrong. Either way, I still sing the wrong lyrics. Courtney went to college when I was I was 7, and I tormented her for it. Our age gap has gotten smaller since I've gotten older. She went to Emory University and is currently a graduate student getting her PhD. Courtney is now married to Thomas, and they have a son, Robby, who is a little over 3 months old.
Kristy: Kristy is the second oldest, 8 years older, and works for a company in Atlanta. Kristy taught me to do hair, which my hall-mates appreciate, as do I. Kristy graduated from Vanderbilt and lives in Atlanta. I used to love when Kristy would come home from college and we would have movie nights and get junk food. Just today I was remembering one night when it was just Kristy and I in the house, I think my mom was out of town. Any way, we got frozen corn dogs and cheese sticks. That was one of my favorite dinners.
Jackie: Jackie is the third oldest, and is 7 years older than me. Jackie and I have the same sense of humor, and share our addiction to reality TV. She's the one that got me addicted (I'm giving you credit, Jack!) Jackie went to the University of Tennessee. Much to my dismay, I used to wear that ugly orange : ] Jackie is married to Andrew and they have a daughter, Caroline, who is 15 months old. Jackie and I both share a love for dance, and we often make up tap rhythms and challenge each other in our foyer. Yes, we get bored.
I am sooooo proud of everything my sisters have accomplished. They're my number one icebreaker, I could talk about my sisters for hours. We're all very different, but we love each other just the same. I'm happiest when I'm with my sisters. As wide as the sky...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I am a Christian.
I am a Christian.
Jesus is my Savior.
How sad is it that I say this to people and that "turns them off"? I tell them I'm in Sigma Alpha Omega, the Christian sorority and they think they can't talk to me. Again, how sad? It hurts really, because, if you got to know me, you would know that I'm not like that at all. I'm not judgmental. I used to be in high school. It took me becoming a true believer first semester to realize that I have no room to judge. That's what God does, and even so, He does so out of love.
I am a Christian
I am not a "bible pusher" or someone who sits here telling you you'll burn in the firey pits of hell. I will not thrust my beliefs on you or belittle you with what I believe. If you come to me, I will gladly show you my heart. I will tell you that some of my best friends drink and do "other non-Christian" things. Do I love them any less? NO.
I am a Christian.
I struggle with following God's word. I'm NOT perfect. I let a bad word slip, I gossip, I watch shows (reality tv) that does nothing for me. I don't turn to the bible when I should. I don't always glorify Him. Yet, I'm still a Christian. God is merciful. He forgives.
I am a Christian.
I have bible verses in my room. I'm sorry if they make you uncomfortable, I truly am, but they remind me of who I am. I will NOT apologize for who I am and what I believe.
I am a Christian.
I go to college, which means I spend the majority of my day with non-believers.
Today, someone made a jab at me for what I believe. Yes, I know we're supposed to love those whom it seems are unlovable, but it's hard! It hurt, because it's not the first time it's happened. No, I don't take it as a joke. It wasn't funny. No one laughed. It hurt. It's not ok. I don't judge others for the way they live their lives, like I said, that's God's job, so please don't judge me. I don't press my beliefs on you, so don't persecute me for my way of life. If you're reading this and someone has "made a joke" about your way of life, stand strong. Especially if you're like me and are being made fun of for religious reasons. We all live in this world. We're all God's children. Be nice. Speak kind words. It's hard, but after today I will remember what it's like to be criticized for my way of life. Jesus is my life.
I am a Christian.
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