I want to be a teacher. Every time I tell someone I'm an English Education major they ask me, "Oh, are you sure you want to teach?" with this look of doubt, and they almost look at me with pity. I know that I have zero idea what I'm getting into, but unless you're a former/current teacher, your opinion does not really hold validity for me. How could you possibly know what's it's like in a classroom unless you've been there? So please, save your advice. I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, just the general population. Also, it makes me feel like you doubt my capabilities, and I'm not trying to brag on myself, but one of my values I like most in myself is my hard work. Every person in my family is a hard worker, and that's a value my parents instilled in my sisters and me, and if you've met my mother, you know she's quite possibly one of the hardest workers out there. And you saying those works to me with doubt in your voice just makes me want to work harder.
I want to be a teacher.
I know the public school system is messed up. I know it needs reform. I know the government puts way too much emphasis on school funding and meeting AYP and not enough on a student's individual growth. These assessments make it difficult for teachers to not "teach to a test," but it can be done. Reform starts in the individual classroom.
I want to be a teacher.
I want to touch lives. I want students to know that I am there for them and will do whatever I can to help them with their school problems or with anything else they may need help with. I want them to know that in this world where it too often seems like no one cares, I care. I want them to know that they matter, not as a statistic, but as a human being.
I want to be a teacher.
I want to show students the beauty of Literature, and how books, poems, and short stories offer an escape, if even just for a little while. I want to join them on their adventures of floating down a river with Huck Finn, fighting Voldemort with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, get annoyed with them at Heathcliff and Cathy, figure out who the real Boo Radley is in To Kill a Mockingbird, and so much more. I want my passion for books, English, and Literature to excite my students.
Not only to I want to be a teacher, I am called to be a teacher. Do you think standing in a room full of teenagers doesn't scare the heck out of me? Because it does. Do you think I'm not afraid to meet AYP and all of the other standards once I become a teacher? Because I am. But this isn't a choice for me to make. It's a choice that He made for me. I started college as a Psychology major, despite my love of books and papers, but halfway through my freshman year I could feel that it wasn't right. I didn't like my classes and I just had no interest in them. I spent a lot of time in prayer and it was as if God said, "Why are you denying me so? You know what you're supposed to do." And I knew, I'd known all along. And the second I turned in the forms to change my major I felt relieved, and I was excited. In my excitement I told my family and friends about my change in major and no one was surprised. If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty stubborn, and I tend to have to learn things the hard way or in roundabout ways before I fully understand what God is trying to tell me. I love my English classes (in the way a college kid loves classes), and I've enjoyed my education classes. And when I think it's going to be too hard or I don't want to, I hear God telling me that I don't have much of a choice, because this is what He wants me to do. Every time something gets in my way, He moves it, and I get closer to teaching one day.
When people talk about politics I tend to keep my mouth shut because I'm not well enough informed, but when it comes to public education, I can speak what I feel, because that's one topic I'm passionate about and do my best to keep up with.
I want to be a teacher.
Too often this world teaches teenagers that they can't. I want to tell them they can. I want my classroom to be a safe place where students can bring their ideas and express their opinions. I want to be the hard teacher. In a way I don't want my students to like me in the beginning, I want them to think I'm hard on them. But as their hard work pays off I want them to grow to love me because I challenge and push them. Those are the teachers that make the biggest influence in my life. The ones that pushed me and challenged me are the ones I think about when I do well on a paper or an assignment, and I want to be that teacher for them. I want to make a difference. No, I don't want to, I'm going to.
I want to be a teacher.
Smile, God loves you.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Beauty
Lately the concept of beauty has really been on my heart. It's so hard for me to look at pictures of myself in high school and not think of how thin I was. I have to remind myself that my body has changed a lot since then, and I will not likely ever be that "tiny" again. Being an RA, I hear about the "freshman fifteen" almost daily. And it kills me because I think every single one of my residents is beautiful, but I do remember how hard it is when you start realizing that, as a woman, you get those wonderful "birthing hips" once you turn 18. Because I was a dancer from ages 3-18, I spent a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror...in a leotard. I don't know if you've ever worn a leotard and tights, but it shows everything: every pudge, every dimple, every flab, and it isn't exactly a confidence booster. I think about how often I let that get to me, how often I looked at my food and thought about how I shouldn't be eating it. But let's be real, I LOVE food. Now I look at body with a sense of hatred at times because it just doesn't look the way I want it to. The other day it hit me though...what does God say about beauty, and how does it compare to our worldly view of beauty.
What does the world say about beauty?
You must be thin to beautiful.
You must wear make up to be beautiful.
Glasses are not pretty.
Your hair must be done "just so" to be beautiful.
Celebrities are beautiful. (even though they have air brushing, personal trainers, personal nutritionists, and photoshop)
What you look like on the outside is most important.
Having the right clothes and accessories makes you beautiful.
If people don't like you, you're probably not very pretty.
If a boy, or girl, doesn't pay attention to you, it's because you're not pretty enough.
Now, I don't know about you, but I've met what I think are some insanely beautiful people throughout my life. However, the second they open their mouths and say something cruel or do something cruel, their beauty instantly goes away. On the other hand, I've met some relatively "pretty" people in my life, but through their conversation and actions they become incredibly beautiful because of their beautiful hearts. Every time I see somehow do a kind deed or say something nice, a transformation takes place and they become more and more beautiful. And here's what I've realized: God doesn't create ugly things. What He creates, He loves. He creates beauty, and pure beauty at that. He loves what He creates. God, the Creator of the universe, Creator of life, the heavens and the earth, the One who decides when the sun rises and sets, created YOU. You must be pretty special if such a busy guy was able to create you and know the amount of hairs on your head!
Now here's what the Bible says about beauty:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
- Psalm 139: 14
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
- 1 Samuel 16:7
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."
- Proverbs 31:30
What does the world say about beauty?
You must be thin to beautiful.
You must wear make up to be beautiful.
Glasses are not pretty.
Your hair must be done "just so" to be beautiful.
Celebrities are beautiful. (even though they have air brushing, personal trainers, personal nutritionists, and photoshop)
What you look like on the outside is most important.
Having the right clothes and accessories makes you beautiful.
If people don't like you, you're probably not very pretty.
If a boy, or girl, doesn't pay attention to you, it's because you're not pretty enough.
Now, I don't know about you, but I've met what I think are some insanely beautiful people throughout my life. However, the second they open their mouths and say something cruel or do something cruel, their beauty instantly goes away. On the other hand, I've met some relatively "pretty" people in my life, but through their conversation and actions they become incredibly beautiful because of their beautiful hearts. Every time I see somehow do a kind deed or say something nice, a transformation takes place and they become more and more beautiful. And here's what I've realized: God doesn't create ugly things. What He creates, He loves. He creates beauty, and pure beauty at that. He loves what He creates. God, the Creator of the universe, Creator of life, the heavens and the earth, the One who decides when the sun rises and sets, created YOU. You must be pretty special if such a busy guy was able to create you and know the amount of hairs on your head!
Now here's what the Bible says about beauty:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
- Psalm 139: 14
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
- 1 Samuel 16:7
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."
- Proverbs 31:30
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
- 1 Peter 3:3-4
What's the emphasis in all of this?
A beautiful heart.
Now if that same Creator who made you values inward beauty over outward beauty, why do we not do the same? God cares about what's on your heart, and how those values influence your thoughts and actions. What will you do with that heart He's given you? What will you do with that body He's given you? Will you use it to His good purpose, or allow these worldly values to get to you? I'm not saying we should eat a bunch of junk food and never exercise, the Bible also says that our bodies are temples and are meant to be treated well, but we cannot put all of our focus there. God loves us just the way we are.
Smile, God loves you!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
"It's Not Fair."
"It's not fair." I can't tell you how many times in my life I've spoken those words. And in truth, life isn't fair; we don't know why God does what He does. As a lot of change comes up in my life with thinking about graduate school, preparing to start my student teaching next semester, and making plans for this summer, I'm forced to grieve the loss of my father yet again. It happens with every season of change, and the last few days I've missed my daddy more than anything.
Since my dad died 14 years ago, every time I see something about a father-daughter dance, father-daughter weekend for sororities, and fathers walking their daughters down the aisle, my heart hurts a little because I won't have that. And for years I never wanted to be the girl whose dad died, and I know my sisters have had similar experiences and we each deal with our grief in different ways.
My dad was taken from our lives when he was only 46. He never got to witness his daughters graduating from high school or college, never met their husbands, never got to walk them down the aisle, and never got to meet his amazing grandchildren. And...it breaks my heart. I look at this beautiful life I have and sometimes I just really wish my daddy were here. I wish he was here to give me advice about boys, to hold me when I cry, and help me make big life decisions. Granted, I know my life would be completely different if he were alive, and obviously it's a part of my life that I've accepted, but I'm allowed to miss him. And I think knowing I'm allowed to miss him and wish he were here took me a long time to know it was OK. I don't go around telling people the story about my dad's death, but if they ask, I'm open about talking about it. In some ways, I really have to detach myself from what I'm saying when I tell the story, simply because it's a wound that will never heal. I've accepted what's happened in my life, but I will always have a little hole in my heart because of his death, but it's OK, and I know that now.
Really what has brought all of this on is the fact that I had a dream a couple of nights ago about the night my dad died. Let's be real, it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare, and a nightmare that I lived out almost 14 and a half years ago. Once again I was 6 years old sitting at the top of the steps listening to my dad take his last breaths. I think about this day from time-to-time, but usually I push those memories to the side and do my best to focus on the beauty in my life, but I can't deny my sub-conscience. I woke up crying and it took a lot of prayers and scripture reciting to calm me back down.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for my life, especially my family. I have the three most amazing sisters and the world's most incredible mom, along with a wonderful grandpa who lives with us. I'm showered with blessings, but I've learned along the way that I can't deny my emotions, and right now, I'm sad. Right now, I'm 6 years old wondering why my daddy won't walk through the door on a Sunday morning with a box full of donuts.
My dad's death gave me a very skewed understanding of God. We call God "the Father," and the way my dad's death was described to me was that he was in heaven now. In a 6 year old brain death alone is an incredible concept to grasp, so I kind of combined my dad with God, it seems weird, I know, but remember how you thought of things in elementary school. I also grew bitter towards God- why would He do this? Why would he take a father who loved his wife, worked hard, and adored his children off of this earth? Why would He deny the memories I mentioned above to 4 young girls? And I was angry, for many years. I was 16 when I finally let God take over some of that anger. It wasn't until I was 18 that I really let Him take that anger away. I distinctly remember I was with Jackie and Andrew driving in the car in the mountains on our way back from Andrew's brother's wedding (I went to help watch Workmon family kids). As we were driving I looked out the window and saw a cross completely illuminated and it took be aback so much I asked if it was real, and it was. It then started a conversation about Jesus and the cross and Andrew told me I needed to leave all of my hurt, resentment, and anger at the cross, and that really hit me. And that night and in the days to come I gave it to God. That was in November of my freshman year at UGA, and I look on my freshman year and remember how happy I was. I look at pictures and know my smile in them was genuine. That was really the first time I ever let God take the pain away. I did lose sight of all of that and I've had to let Him take away a lot of pain and hurt from a different kind of heartbreak in the last months, but He's done it. So now I just need to breathe deeply and know He has some greater purpose in having me live the majority of my life without my daddy. I trust Him, but man...it's so hard.
I love you, Daddy.
Smile, God loves you!
Since my dad died 14 years ago, every time I see something about a father-daughter dance, father-daughter weekend for sororities, and fathers walking their daughters down the aisle, my heart hurts a little because I won't have that. And for years I never wanted to be the girl whose dad died, and I know my sisters have had similar experiences and we each deal with our grief in different ways.
My dad was taken from our lives when he was only 46. He never got to witness his daughters graduating from high school or college, never met their husbands, never got to walk them down the aisle, and never got to meet his amazing grandchildren. And...it breaks my heart. I look at this beautiful life I have and sometimes I just really wish my daddy were here. I wish he was here to give me advice about boys, to hold me when I cry, and help me make big life decisions. Granted, I know my life would be completely different if he were alive, and obviously it's a part of my life that I've accepted, but I'm allowed to miss him. And I think knowing I'm allowed to miss him and wish he were here took me a long time to know it was OK. I don't go around telling people the story about my dad's death, but if they ask, I'm open about talking about it. In some ways, I really have to detach myself from what I'm saying when I tell the story, simply because it's a wound that will never heal. I've accepted what's happened in my life, but I will always have a little hole in my heart because of his death, but it's OK, and I know that now.
Really what has brought all of this on is the fact that I had a dream a couple of nights ago about the night my dad died. Let's be real, it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare, and a nightmare that I lived out almost 14 and a half years ago. Once again I was 6 years old sitting at the top of the steps listening to my dad take his last breaths. I think about this day from time-to-time, but usually I push those memories to the side and do my best to focus on the beauty in my life, but I can't deny my sub-conscience. I woke up crying and it took a lot of prayers and scripture reciting to calm me back down.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for my life, especially my family. I have the three most amazing sisters and the world's most incredible mom, along with a wonderful grandpa who lives with us. I'm showered with blessings, but I've learned along the way that I can't deny my emotions, and right now, I'm sad. Right now, I'm 6 years old wondering why my daddy won't walk through the door on a Sunday morning with a box full of donuts.
My dad's death gave me a very skewed understanding of God. We call God "the Father," and the way my dad's death was described to me was that he was in heaven now. In a 6 year old brain death alone is an incredible concept to grasp, so I kind of combined my dad with God, it seems weird, I know, but remember how you thought of things in elementary school. I also grew bitter towards God- why would He do this? Why would he take a father who loved his wife, worked hard, and adored his children off of this earth? Why would He deny the memories I mentioned above to 4 young girls? And I was angry, for many years. I was 16 when I finally let God take over some of that anger. It wasn't until I was 18 that I really let Him take that anger away. I distinctly remember I was with Jackie and Andrew driving in the car in the mountains on our way back from Andrew's brother's wedding (I went to help watch Workmon family kids). As we were driving I looked out the window and saw a cross completely illuminated and it took be aback so much I asked if it was real, and it was. It then started a conversation about Jesus and the cross and Andrew told me I needed to leave all of my hurt, resentment, and anger at the cross, and that really hit me. And that night and in the days to come I gave it to God. That was in November of my freshman year at UGA, and I look on my freshman year and remember how happy I was. I look at pictures and know my smile in them was genuine. That was really the first time I ever let God take the pain away. I did lose sight of all of that and I've had to let Him take away a lot of pain and hurt from a different kind of heartbreak in the last months, but He's done it. So now I just need to breathe deeply and know He has some greater purpose in having me live the majority of my life without my daddy. I trust Him, but man...it's so hard.
I love you, Daddy.
Smile, God loves you!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Anxiety
I've been pretty up-front about my anxiety on here since I started this blog, but I also think anxiety is greatly misunderstood. I've had friends tell me they never thought anxiety really existed until they met me. Anxiety is debilitating, and mine is nothing compared to what some people suffer with. I can remember being anxious after my dad died, almost immediately. I was mostly anxious that I would lose my mom or sisters, which I think is pretty normal for anyone after they lose someone they love, but I was always anxious when my mom or sisters left. I can also remember calling my mom while she was at work several times a day. Thank goodness my mom worked with a wonderful group of nurses, now her best friends, who understood and were so kind to me. Not all coworkers would willingly talk to a six-year-old and tell them her mommy was with a patient but was OK.
I also had a terrible anxiety of breaking the rules. I was that kid, the tattletale. It wasn't that I thought the other kids were bad, it's that I never wanted anyone to get into trouble. This idea of following the rules has followed me my whole life, although I know things are much more grey than black and white.
The anxiety got bad when I was about 12. I went out to visit Courtney in California for Spring Break in 7th grade and I came back and I remember Grandma and Mom sitting me down and talking to me about how they think I needed to go talk to someone. I think at that point it was more depression rooted in my anxiety, but then a whole different can of worms was opened when my grandma died.
My junior and senior years of high school were when my anxiety really started affecting my every day life, and I stopped sleeping. For about two years I ran on about 4 hours of sleep a night. I know SO many people do this, but if you know me well, I am not a very nice person when I'm tired. A lot of that anxiety was about the SAT, ACT, and where I would go to college. Then senior year...I was so anxious about going away to school. Selfishly, I was afraid of what my mom and grandpa would do without me. I did worry about grandpa spending so much time alone, not that I was home that much in high school anyway because of my extracurriculars, but still. I had also been that kid that had to be picked up from sleepovers in the middle of the night when I was young, so I was also worried about spending so much time away from home and how lonely I would get. My mom and I had serious discussions about me taking a year off because I was so anxious about leaving and being lonely, etc.
Anxiety has held me back from a lot of things, many social situations, going to things where I didn't know anyone, and putting myself out there to experience new opportunities and meet new people. But somehow, God has kept me in the palm of His hand and has allowed me to still have so many wonderful experiences. One thing I've realized about anxiety is that it is all Satan. Anxiety is the sin that I struggle with the most, and I do think it's a sin, because it is not of God. God lays out in so many places in his Word that we are not to be anxious, but it's my weakness and Satan loves to prey on it. He constantly tells me that people won't like me if they know my heart, that they won't like how "twisted" some of my thoughts are, that I'm not good enough to be in that position, and that I'm unlovable and I cannot be redeemed. Sometimes I do get anxious about my salvation, and let me tell you, that's scary. I think it's something every Christian faces, because satan can literally be the devil on our shoulders telling us that God wouldn't want us because of what we've done. And when anxiety was taking over my life, the devil did just that. He told me that because of my past sins, and because of the fact that my anxiety is a sin I struggle with, sometimes hour by hour, that God wouldn't redeem me. But guess what? I've learned that those are complete lies. Satan is a terrible, horrible liar. Jesus died on the cross for you and me. When I read the gospel and read the part of Jesus's crucifixion, I can't help but cry. I'm overcome with such incredible emotion as the Holy Spirit whispers to me, "He loved you enough." And He did, He does. He loves me enough to die on the cross for my sins, and for my anxiety. Every thought of anxiety I must turn into a prayer, because the devil cannot be glorified in my anxiety. I've spent too many hours crying, too many sleepless nights, and I've had too many days lost to my anxiety. Enough.
I've noticed myself slipping back into many anxious thoughts and sleepless nights, so I've made a commitment to do my quiet time again, and so far so good. And last night while doing my Beth Moore study, the lesson ended with this. The instructions are to fill in every blank with your name...
My child, ________, I loved you before you were born. I knit you in your mother's womb and knew what your first and last words would be. I knew every difficulty you, ________, would face. I suffered each one with you. Even the ones you didn't suffer with me. I had a plan for your life before you were born. The plan has not changed, _______, no matter what has happened or what you have done. You see, I already knew all things concerning you before I formed you. I would never allow any hurt to come into your life that I could not use for eternity, ______. Will you let Me? Your truth is incomplete unless you view it against the backdrop of my truth. Your story, _______, will forever remain incomplete...until you let Me do what only I can do with your hurt. Let Me perfect that which concerns you.
I remain,
Your Faithful Father
I mean dang, cue the waterworks. So it's not going to be easy and it's going to be a daily surrendering of my heart, but this anxiety is His. He will sustain me and redeem me. So I encourage you, whatever you're struggling with right now, insert your name in those blanks above, and experience the freedom and love He has prepared for us...
And smile, God loves you!
"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7
I also had a terrible anxiety of breaking the rules. I was that kid, the tattletale. It wasn't that I thought the other kids were bad, it's that I never wanted anyone to get into trouble. This idea of following the rules has followed me my whole life, although I know things are much more grey than black and white.
The anxiety got bad when I was about 12. I went out to visit Courtney in California for Spring Break in 7th grade and I came back and I remember Grandma and Mom sitting me down and talking to me about how they think I needed to go talk to someone. I think at that point it was more depression rooted in my anxiety, but then a whole different can of worms was opened when my grandma died.
My junior and senior years of high school were when my anxiety really started affecting my every day life, and I stopped sleeping. For about two years I ran on about 4 hours of sleep a night. I know SO many people do this, but if you know me well, I am not a very nice person when I'm tired. A lot of that anxiety was about the SAT, ACT, and where I would go to college. Then senior year...I was so anxious about going away to school. Selfishly, I was afraid of what my mom and grandpa would do without me. I did worry about grandpa spending so much time alone, not that I was home that much in high school anyway because of my extracurriculars, but still. I had also been that kid that had to be picked up from sleepovers in the middle of the night when I was young, so I was also worried about spending so much time away from home and how lonely I would get. My mom and I had serious discussions about me taking a year off because I was so anxious about leaving and being lonely, etc.
Anxiety has held me back from a lot of things, many social situations, going to things where I didn't know anyone, and putting myself out there to experience new opportunities and meet new people. But somehow, God has kept me in the palm of His hand and has allowed me to still have so many wonderful experiences. One thing I've realized about anxiety is that it is all Satan. Anxiety is the sin that I struggle with the most, and I do think it's a sin, because it is not of God. God lays out in so many places in his Word that we are not to be anxious, but it's my weakness and Satan loves to prey on it. He constantly tells me that people won't like me if they know my heart, that they won't like how "twisted" some of my thoughts are, that I'm not good enough to be in that position, and that I'm unlovable and I cannot be redeemed. Sometimes I do get anxious about my salvation, and let me tell you, that's scary. I think it's something every Christian faces, because satan can literally be the devil on our shoulders telling us that God wouldn't want us because of what we've done. And when anxiety was taking over my life, the devil did just that. He told me that because of my past sins, and because of the fact that my anxiety is a sin I struggle with, sometimes hour by hour, that God wouldn't redeem me. But guess what? I've learned that those are complete lies. Satan is a terrible, horrible liar. Jesus died on the cross for you and me. When I read the gospel and read the part of Jesus's crucifixion, I can't help but cry. I'm overcome with such incredible emotion as the Holy Spirit whispers to me, "He loved you enough." And He did, He does. He loves me enough to die on the cross for my sins, and for my anxiety. Every thought of anxiety I must turn into a prayer, because the devil cannot be glorified in my anxiety. I've spent too many hours crying, too many sleepless nights, and I've had too many days lost to my anxiety. Enough.
I've noticed myself slipping back into many anxious thoughts and sleepless nights, so I've made a commitment to do my quiet time again, and so far so good. And last night while doing my Beth Moore study, the lesson ended with this. The instructions are to fill in every blank with your name...
My child, ________, I loved you before you were born. I knit you in your mother's womb and knew what your first and last words would be. I knew every difficulty you, ________, would face. I suffered each one with you. Even the ones you didn't suffer with me. I had a plan for your life before you were born. The plan has not changed, _______, no matter what has happened or what you have done. You see, I already knew all things concerning you before I formed you. I would never allow any hurt to come into your life that I could not use for eternity, ______. Will you let Me? Your truth is incomplete unless you view it against the backdrop of my truth. Your story, _______, will forever remain incomplete...until you let Me do what only I can do with your hurt. Let Me perfect that which concerns you.
I remain,
Your Faithful Father
I mean dang, cue the waterworks. So it's not going to be easy and it's going to be a daily surrendering of my heart, but this anxiety is His. He will sustain me and redeem me. So I encourage you, whatever you're struggling with right now, insert your name in those blanks above, and experience the freedom and love He has prepared for us...
And smile, God loves you!
"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Overwhelmed by His Grace
God has been blowing my mind lately. Wow...that's all I can say. I am so undeserving of His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, yet He gives it to me every day.
I spent so many nights crying and on my knees begging to feel Him, see His hand, feel Him guiding me, and now, months later, I feel Him again like I did two years ago. What's even more, is that the last 2 months I've been horrible about my quiet time. I'm lazy and I need some sort of accountability system. Maybe I'll start putting check boxes on my mirror to make sure I do it every day, but despite all of this He is still encouraging me. Just in the last week He has used 4 different people to reach out to me and tell me how they've witnessed changes in me, how they value my honesty in my struggles, etc. But in all of this, I want to point to Him.
I look at my life a year ago, and I never would have thought I'd be here. I'm happy now. Yes, I still get stressed out and anxious, we all do and that's life, but I end every day being, for the most part, truly happy. And I thought I was happy last year, but when it came time for me to be alone, I was just that- alone and lonely. I grew anxious about the fact that I wasn't with my (ex) boyfriend, or with my friends, or at home; I always wanted to do something else. And as outgoing as people say I am, and I am a lot, I do also enjoy my "me" time. Some nights I'd rather be curled up with a book or watching Netflix until the wee hours of the morning, or sit and write to get my feelings out in a positive way, but in the time I spend alone now I'm content, and this is all because of the confidence I have in His love. And when I'm with my friends, I'm happy too. I'm not thinking about how I'd rather be at home alone wallowing in my own pity, I truly enjoy their company, and I think that shows.
He used the experiences in my life, over the last year and a half especially, to refine me. I'm so in love with my job and my sorority that I enjoy doing even the mundane tasks of paperwork. I won't lie to you though, I still get overwhelmed, but then I remember the blessings they serve as and I just keep chugging along.
In the beginning of last semester I didn't work nearly as hard on my school work as I should have. I spent a lot of time crying, thinking, worrying, etc., and I let my school work, my #1 job, fall by the wayside. So far this semester, and it's only been 4 weeks, I've stayed on top of my work. I so badly don't want to go back to that place I was in last semester that I get anxious about assignments due in two weeks. I'm working on it though, making a "Get Done Today" list instead of general to do list so I can feel confident in accomplishing things. I'm praying my way through it too, because I shouldn't be anxious in anything.
Every day I fall more in love with this campus and this city. It legitimately scares me to think about the fact that I graduate in less than a year and a half! These two and a half years have gone by so quickly, and I can't help but think I wasted my sophomore year, but it was all part of His plan, or at least, He used those situations to bring me closer to Him.
To hear people tell me that I've helped them see God in situations, or that they've learned from my journey, baffles me. It completely and utterly takes me by surprise. Me? I spent so many months, years even, asking God "Why me?" out of desperation, wishing my life was different, but now I sit here asking God "Why me? I am so unworthy of You steadfast love. I am so unworthy of You using me to help others." Yet He always meets me with this answer: "I can use you any way I want, little one." And He can. That's both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time! I see Him using my testimony to help others, but I so want to make sure He gets the glory. I don't want others to see my strength, but see His mighty hand and all it can do. An item on my bucket list is the ability to impact people, but I see now that I can do that just by being the young woman I am in Christ. By allowing God to use me and use my journey to help others, I can bring people to His Son, and how amazing is that? My cup overflows. I can't say it enough, and the words I've typed on this screen do very little justice to the emotions I feel. Yes, having these "good times" like now make me think about how my life might soon change and I may not be so happy, and that perhaps God is just preparing me for something that might happen, but if that's the case, either way I know He is there. He is doing it for the good, and never for the bad.
One of my favorite songs right now is the hymn with its contemporary twist, "Come Thou Fount". Just listening to it gives me chills.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung my flaming tongues above
I'll praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Oh what beautiful words and so pertinent to my life right now!
Smile, God loves you!!
I spent so many nights crying and on my knees begging to feel Him, see His hand, feel Him guiding me, and now, months later, I feel Him again like I did two years ago. What's even more, is that the last 2 months I've been horrible about my quiet time. I'm lazy and I need some sort of accountability system. Maybe I'll start putting check boxes on my mirror to make sure I do it every day, but despite all of this He is still encouraging me. Just in the last week He has used 4 different people to reach out to me and tell me how they've witnessed changes in me, how they value my honesty in my struggles, etc. But in all of this, I want to point to Him.
I look at my life a year ago, and I never would have thought I'd be here. I'm happy now. Yes, I still get stressed out and anxious, we all do and that's life, but I end every day being, for the most part, truly happy. And I thought I was happy last year, but when it came time for me to be alone, I was just that- alone and lonely. I grew anxious about the fact that I wasn't with my (ex) boyfriend, or with my friends, or at home; I always wanted to do something else. And as outgoing as people say I am, and I am a lot, I do also enjoy my "me" time. Some nights I'd rather be curled up with a book or watching Netflix until the wee hours of the morning, or sit and write to get my feelings out in a positive way, but in the time I spend alone now I'm content, and this is all because of the confidence I have in His love. And when I'm with my friends, I'm happy too. I'm not thinking about how I'd rather be at home alone wallowing in my own pity, I truly enjoy their company, and I think that shows.
He used the experiences in my life, over the last year and a half especially, to refine me. I'm so in love with my job and my sorority that I enjoy doing even the mundane tasks of paperwork. I won't lie to you though, I still get overwhelmed, but then I remember the blessings they serve as and I just keep chugging along.
In the beginning of last semester I didn't work nearly as hard on my school work as I should have. I spent a lot of time crying, thinking, worrying, etc., and I let my school work, my #1 job, fall by the wayside. So far this semester, and it's only been 4 weeks, I've stayed on top of my work. I so badly don't want to go back to that place I was in last semester that I get anxious about assignments due in two weeks. I'm working on it though, making a "Get Done Today" list instead of general to do list so I can feel confident in accomplishing things. I'm praying my way through it too, because I shouldn't be anxious in anything.
Every day I fall more in love with this campus and this city. It legitimately scares me to think about the fact that I graduate in less than a year and a half! These two and a half years have gone by so quickly, and I can't help but think I wasted my sophomore year, but it was all part of His plan, or at least, He used those situations to bring me closer to Him.
To hear people tell me that I've helped them see God in situations, or that they've learned from my journey, baffles me. It completely and utterly takes me by surprise. Me? I spent so many months, years even, asking God "Why me?" out of desperation, wishing my life was different, but now I sit here asking God "Why me? I am so unworthy of You steadfast love. I am so unworthy of You using me to help others." Yet He always meets me with this answer: "I can use you any way I want, little one." And He can. That's both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time! I see Him using my testimony to help others, but I so want to make sure He gets the glory. I don't want others to see my strength, but see His mighty hand and all it can do. An item on my bucket list is the ability to impact people, but I see now that I can do that just by being the young woman I am in Christ. By allowing God to use me and use my journey to help others, I can bring people to His Son, and how amazing is that? My cup overflows. I can't say it enough, and the words I've typed on this screen do very little justice to the emotions I feel. Yes, having these "good times" like now make me think about how my life might soon change and I may not be so happy, and that perhaps God is just preparing me for something that might happen, but if that's the case, either way I know He is there. He is doing it for the good, and never for the bad.
One of my favorite songs right now is the hymn with its contemporary twist, "Come Thou Fount". Just listening to it gives me chills.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung my flaming tongues above
I'll praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Oh what beautiful words and so pertinent to my life right now!
Smile, God loves you!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Sex, Lies and Purity
It's been on my heart for some time to write about this. It makes me nervous, I'm even a little shaky as I write this, but it's on my heart and I think it needs to be said. I've prayed a lot about what I'm going to say, so hopefully the Spirit speaks through me and this comes across OK.
Being a Christian, we're often told that sex is bad. Not bad in general, but bad outside of the marriage covenant. Here's the thing, the Bible was written a long time ago, and the people in it gave into sexual sin, lust, and immorality. Here were are in 2013 and the media screams sex. You can't open a magazine, turn on the TV, or walk through the book section at Target without it staring you right in the face. And there is so much talk about remaining pure for marriage but there is no clear cut guideline for what "pure" is. The Bible doesn't explicitly say how far is too far, where the "line" is, or what "pure" means in terms of sexual immorality. What exactly constitutes immoral? And we often forget that when we are told to maintain pure bodies and minds, it's not just related to sexual things, but really, we "should" be watching, reading, and listening to things that glorify God. We should speak kind words, love the unlovable, and help the helpless, but we get so caught up in sexual sin and what it means that we forget about those other things.
And the judgment, oh my word the judgment. I go to college, so I'm surrounded by people with varying beliefs. God is the only one who can judge. And Jesus tells us that all sin is equal. So why would you judge someone for making a mistake and having sex but not for making a mistake and having a little to drink? Or cursing? Or disobeying and being disrespectful to their parents? We can't deny that people struggle with their sins, so why focus on condemning the ones who committed sexual sin?
People make mistakes.
But guess what? For every mistake, God forgives you ten fold!
And I think we too often forget this. Because of the stigma that goes with this specific sin or type of sin, people lie. They cover up their transgressions. We all know that how you act on the outside reflects what's happening on the inside. So when people are too ashamed of their sins to admit them and be vulnerable in a safe place, how can we expect them to admit them to God? And then they accept Christ's forgiveness, but we aren't aiding each other in forgiving ourselves (quite possibly one of the hardest things to do) when we don't create an environment for people to openly admit the mistakes they've made. We close off the opportunity for fellowship and the chance to lift each other up in prayer. And God cannot be glorified in a toxic situation like that.
This also always seems to reflect more on the girl than on the boy. But giving a speech on purity and dating and stating that a girl won't be wanted by a man because she isn't pure or clean is completely counterproductive because...Jesus wants her. Jesus wants his bride, no matter what, and He will do whatever it takes to get her. And if she has to commit some sins that finally make her realize His undying love for her, He will still take her. God will stand there with open arms welcoming His bride home. And she will find a man one day, one whom God has picked specifically for her. This man will see her as God does: pure, holy, clean, and innocent. And the same goes for a guy. He will find a woman who sees him as God does.
Ugh, it just kills me how quick people are to condemn. Because if a young man or woman has committed this sin and regrets it, then they are broken. We are to help the brokenhearted find Jesus. We show them Christ's love. And we aren't doing that if we condemn them or make it so they are ashamed to be who they really are and grow in Christ as they can.
Jesus wants everyone. Look at the people God used in the Bible to do extraordinary things. Look at Jesus' disciples. All of these people were far from the perfect, holy beings we try to be on earth. No sin is too great for Christ to wash away. He will always be able to wash away the blood and the dirt and grime. He wants us all.
Real purity is admitting your mistakes. It's offering your body, heart, and mind for God to make clean. It's a daily surrender, and we all struggle with it, so why should we be quick to judge because committing sexual acts seems like a bigger sin than cursing when mad or drinking or gossiping?
And we believe in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his great purpose." "All things" includes the sins we commit. Because through overcoming that sin, we could lead someone to Jesus. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it's what I've been thinking about a lot lately, and as always I hope someone got something from this.
Smile, God loves you!
Being a Christian, we're often told that sex is bad. Not bad in general, but bad outside of the marriage covenant. Here's the thing, the Bible was written a long time ago, and the people in it gave into sexual sin, lust, and immorality. Here were are in 2013 and the media screams sex. You can't open a magazine, turn on the TV, or walk through the book section at Target without it staring you right in the face. And there is so much talk about remaining pure for marriage but there is no clear cut guideline for what "pure" is. The Bible doesn't explicitly say how far is too far, where the "line" is, or what "pure" means in terms of sexual immorality. What exactly constitutes immoral? And we often forget that when we are told to maintain pure bodies and minds, it's not just related to sexual things, but really, we "should" be watching, reading, and listening to things that glorify God. We should speak kind words, love the unlovable, and help the helpless, but we get so caught up in sexual sin and what it means that we forget about those other things.
And the judgment, oh my word the judgment. I go to college, so I'm surrounded by people with varying beliefs. God is the only one who can judge. And Jesus tells us that all sin is equal. So why would you judge someone for making a mistake and having sex but not for making a mistake and having a little to drink? Or cursing? Or disobeying and being disrespectful to their parents? We can't deny that people struggle with their sins, so why focus on condemning the ones who committed sexual sin?
People make mistakes.
But guess what? For every mistake, God forgives you ten fold!
And I think we too often forget this. Because of the stigma that goes with this specific sin or type of sin, people lie. They cover up their transgressions. We all know that how you act on the outside reflects what's happening on the inside. So when people are too ashamed of their sins to admit them and be vulnerable in a safe place, how can we expect them to admit them to God? And then they accept Christ's forgiveness, but we aren't aiding each other in forgiving ourselves (quite possibly one of the hardest things to do) when we don't create an environment for people to openly admit the mistakes they've made. We close off the opportunity for fellowship and the chance to lift each other up in prayer. And God cannot be glorified in a toxic situation like that.
This also always seems to reflect more on the girl than on the boy. But giving a speech on purity and dating and stating that a girl won't be wanted by a man because she isn't pure or clean is completely counterproductive because...Jesus wants her. Jesus wants his bride, no matter what, and He will do whatever it takes to get her. And if she has to commit some sins that finally make her realize His undying love for her, He will still take her. God will stand there with open arms welcoming His bride home. And she will find a man one day, one whom God has picked specifically for her. This man will see her as God does: pure, holy, clean, and innocent. And the same goes for a guy. He will find a woman who sees him as God does.
Ugh, it just kills me how quick people are to condemn. Because if a young man or woman has committed this sin and regrets it, then they are broken. We are to help the brokenhearted find Jesus. We show them Christ's love. And we aren't doing that if we condemn them or make it so they are ashamed to be who they really are and grow in Christ as they can.
Jesus wants everyone. Look at the people God used in the Bible to do extraordinary things. Look at Jesus' disciples. All of these people were far from the perfect, holy beings we try to be on earth. No sin is too great for Christ to wash away. He will always be able to wash away the blood and the dirt and grime. He wants us all.
Real purity is admitting your mistakes. It's offering your body, heart, and mind for God to make clean. It's a daily surrender, and we all struggle with it, so why should we be quick to judge because committing sexual acts seems like a bigger sin than cursing when mad or drinking or gossiping?
And we believe in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his great purpose." "All things" includes the sins we commit. Because through overcoming that sin, we could lead someone to Jesus. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it's what I've been thinking about a lot lately, and as always I hope someone got something from this.
Smile, God loves you!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart since the beginning of this last summer. After going through my break up in June, I realized how hard I had been trying to keep it together. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I was thrown into a new role as an RA, and I was no longer living on a freshmen hallway where my best friends lived in the rooms all around me. I was also trying to navigate through a very long distanced relationship. My new residents were only a few months younger than me, given that I have a late birthday, and I so badly wanted to make it "look easy." I often felt like a duck in water- calm and collected on top of the water, but under the surface my feet were going a million miles an hour. I was lonely. I didn't quite know how to be friends with my residents while also being an authority figure. My friends that weren't RAs all lived with other friends, and I felt left behind. Not to say that my friends didn't include me, they tried, but it was hard because my schedule was so weird and then once I got into a rut, I just kind of got stuck there.
When I hit my breaking point at the beginning of July, I realized that I had worked so hard to keep this calm, cool, and collected exterior that I completely neglected my interior. I didn't spend that much time in prayer or even quiet time (sadly, getting back into my quite time routine is something I'm currently struggling with, but I still spend time in prayer, but you still need both) and looking back this really affected me. Suddenly I was smack dab in the middle of God's plan, and I was broken, lonely, and terrified. I had SO many loving people around me. I leaped head first into my faith, despite the fact that I couldn't feel God. Little did I know that He was there with arms wide open, He was just at the finish line of reconnecting with Him, and it was a very long way to that line. I realized I had kept so much hidden that I pushed so many friends away. I invested a lot of my time, energy, and emotions into one person when in reality all of that should have been given to God, because when He is #1, everything else falls into place. When I shared a part of my testimony on here in July, I felt liberated. For once I wasn't afraid of other people's judgments, I just wanted someone to get something out of it, and I didn't know that I'd be the one to get the most out of it. Since then I've really tried to be vulnerable and transparent with my faith. It's not easy. I get angry with God. I don't understand His plan. I am full of fear, I worry, and I suffer from anxiety. Those are things I should not deal with simply because it was taken away by Jesus Christ. But I am imperfect. I am weak. I am sinful. But when I am open and honest about my struggles, when I give Him the glory of the strength I (try to) display, I feel fulfilled- and perhaps for the first time in my life.
I've mentioned it before, but I've been humbled by how many people have opened up to me and reached out to talk to be about their lives and their struggles. Through my openness and honesty I've allowed God to shine. I was recently blessed by having a friend tell me my faith has influenced her, especially the way I act when it comes to boys. I know God has a special man out there for me to marry. It may not be for 10 years, but I will wait because what He has planned is always better. Just a year ago I thought I'd be married at 23 and have babies by 25, but I look at that now and laugh. I want to go to graduate school. I want to travel. I'm 20 years old and that's so young. Anyway, this friend told me she really appreciated the way I don't change with the various groups I'm around, and how don't seek male attention or get my fulfillment from that. And man, talk about praises to God for that because the enemy so often tells me I'm not worthy and that I'm not giving Him glory.
I've taken this vulnerability into my job as well. My residents know I'm not perfect, and I no longer try to act like it. I don't hide my face as much if I cry after a bad day. I'm open about my faith- I don't push it on them because that's not my "style" and not my place when it comes to my job. But (I hope) they know my room is a safe place for anyone. I admit my flaws, and all of this has made for a much smoother year. I love coming back to my hall after a long day. Those young women never cease to amaze me, and I'm sure I see and witness more than they think I do, but watching them encourage each other and build each other up is so refreshing in a society that so often teaches women to tear each other down.
Vulnerability is something that our SAO leadership team has really been discussing in depth. We went on our retreat last weekend and man, my world was rocked. These 23 women I have the pleasure of serving with are nothing short of amazing. We shared our testimonies and really "went there." I opened up to them and shared things with them that only few know about, and they did the same. To be allowed in to someone's personal life like that is an honor and a privilege. We shared our hearts, our struggles, and our fears, and you really never know what goes on behind closed doors (or a calm face). God is doing amazing things in their lives, and I am confident in His ability to guide us in the best way for our sorority.
In reality, vulnerability makes a great leader, and a great Christian. Too often we allow ourselves to live in our own little bubbles and let everyone think everything in our life is fine and tied up in ribbons and bows when we are in the depths of despair. And God doesn't want that. Jesus died on the cross to put all of those worries and fears and struggles to death. Unfortunately, the enemy is here, and he isn't going anywhere, so he often puts those thoughts and feelings in our minds and hearts. And when we allow people to think the world doesn't get to us, we show true weakness, because we don't give God the glory in those weaknesses. When we can stand in front of a body of both believers and non-believers, or even just one or two people and say that we struggle with something, we show our imperfections and let God revel in that. We allow Him to shine rather than allow people to think we're perfect. I posted a couple of months ago about His delights in our weakness. In being vulnerable with your followers, you allow them to see God shine in you and you create a safe place where honesty and respect are valued. When your "followers" or in my case, sisterhood, see that you allow God to fill in the gaps, they follow your lead and do the same, and it's at that point that God is truly glorified. In admittance, He is finally given the chance to come in and fill in the gaps, He quenches the fears and anxieties. He weeds the garden and prunes the flowers of our hearts and finally, finally, others can see Jesus. So stand up, admit you're imperfections and struggles with humility. Let God come in and take it all away. Be vulnerable and let His light shine, because His light is the brightest. Let His love do what it was created to do and save. Allowing Him to do this in my life has truly surprised me, and although I often get fearful of the future, I know that I am in the middle of His plan, with His hand on my shoulder guiding me the whole way.
Be Vulnerable.
Smile, God loves you!
When I hit my breaking point at the beginning of July, I realized that I had worked so hard to keep this calm, cool, and collected exterior that I completely neglected my interior. I didn't spend that much time in prayer or even quiet time (sadly, getting back into my quite time routine is something I'm currently struggling with, but I still spend time in prayer, but you still need both) and looking back this really affected me. Suddenly I was smack dab in the middle of God's plan, and I was broken, lonely, and terrified. I had SO many loving people around me. I leaped head first into my faith, despite the fact that I couldn't feel God. Little did I know that He was there with arms wide open, He was just at the finish line of reconnecting with Him, and it was a very long way to that line. I realized I had kept so much hidden that I pushed so many friends away. I invested a lot of my time, energy, and emotions into one person when in reality all of that should have been given to God, because when He is #1, everything else falls into place. When I shared a part of my testimony on here in July, I felt liberated. For once I wasn't afraid of other people's judgments, I just wanted someone to get something out of it, and I didn't know that I'd be the one to get the most out of it. Since then I've really tried to be vulnerable and transparent with my faith. It's not easy. I get angry with God. I don't understand His plan. I am full of fear, I worry, and I suffer from anxiety. Those are things I should not deal with simply because it was taken away by Jesus Christ. But I am imperfect. I am weak. I am sinful. But when I am open and honest about my struggles, when I give Him the glory of the strength I (try to) display, I feel fulfilled- and perhaps for the first time in my life.
I've mentioned it before, but I've been humbled by how many people have opened up to me and reached out to talk to be about their lives and their struggles. Through my openness and honesty I've allowed God to shine. I was recently blessed by having a friend tell me my faith has influenced her, especially the way I act when it comes to boys. I know God has a special man out there for me to marry. It may not be for 10 years, but I will wait because what He has planned is always better. Just a year ago I thought I'd be married at 23 and have babies by 25, but I look at that now and laugh. I want to go to graduate school. I want to travel. I'm 20 years old and that's so young. Anyway, this friend told me she really appreciated the way I don't change with the various groups I'm around, and how don't seek male attention or get my fulfillment from that. And man, talk about praises to God for that because the enemy so often tells me I'm not worthy and that I'm not giving Him glory.
I've taken this vulnerability into my job as well. My residents know I'm not perfect, and I no longer try to act like it. I don't hide my face as much if I cry after a bad day. I'm open about my faith- I don't push it on them because that's not my "style" and not my place when it comes to my job. But (I hope) they know my room is a safe place for anyone. I admit my flaws, and all of this has made for a much smoother year. I love coming back to my hall after a long day. Those young women never cease to amaze me, and I'm sure I see and witness more than they think I do, but watching them encourage each other and build each other up is so refreshing in a society that so often teaches women to tear each other down.
Vulnerability is something that our SAO leadership team has really been discussing in depth. We went on our retreat last weekend and man, my world was rocked. These 23 women I have the pleasure of serving with are nothing short of amazing. We shared our testimonies and really "went there." I opened up to them and shared things with them that only few know about, and they did the same. To be allowed in to someone's personal life like that is an honor and a privilege. We shared our hearts, our struggles, and our fears, and you really never know what goes on behind closed doors (or a calm face). God is doing amazing things in their lives, and I am confident in His ability to guide us in the best way for our sorority.
In reality, vulnerability makes a great leader, and a great Christian. Too often we allow ourselves to live in our own little bubbles and let everyone think everything in our life is fine and tied up in ribbons and bows when we are in the depths of despair. And God doesn't want that. Jesus died on the cross to put all of those worries and fears and struggles to death. Unfortunately, the enemy is here, and he isn't going anywhere, so he often puts those thoughts and feelings in our minds and hearts. And when we allow people to think the world doesn't get to us, we show true weakness, because we don't give God the glory in those weaknesses. When we can stand in front of a body of both believers and non-believers, or even just one or two people and say that we struggle with something, we show our imperfections and let God revel in that. We allow Him to shine rather than allow people to think we're perfect. I posted a couple of months ago about His delights in our weakness. In being vulnerable with your followers, you allow them to see God shine in you and you create a safe place where honesty and respect are valued. When your "followers" or in my case, sisterhood, see that you allow God to fill in the gaps, they follow your lead and do the same, and it's at that point that God is truly glorified. In admittance, He is finally given the chance to come in and fill in the gaps, He quenches the fears and anxieties. He weeds the garden and prunes the flowers of our hearts and finally, finally, others can see Jesus. So stand up, admit you're imperfections and struggles with humility. Let God come in and take it all away. Be vulnerable and let His light shine, because His light is the brightest. Let His love do what it was created to do and save. Allowing Him to do this in my life has truly surprised me, and although I often get fearful of the future, I know that I am in the middle of His plan, with His hand on my shoulder guiding me the whole way.
Be Vulnerable.
Smile, God loves you!
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