I'll be honest- I've debated and prayed a LOT about this post, and it's the first non-teaching related one I've done in awhile.
If you know me well or have followed this little blog for awhile, you know that I value vulnerability and honesty. I often think there were be fewer problems in this world if we all took down the masks we wear in front of others and on social media and were a little more honest with ourselves and each other. Please bear with me as I go through this.
It's no secret that in the last 3 years I've gained a lot of weight. I used to be a dancer- dancing up to 15 hours per week between regular classes and long rehearsals on the weekends. I was in great shape, although at the time I thought I resembled a hippo. I look back on those pictures and think, "Oh my! I was SO tiny. I wonder what that 18 year old would say looking at herself 5 years later." I maintained that body for freshman year- probably because none of my friends had cars and we walked everywhere, worked out together, and ate (relatively) well. Plus, it helps that I didn't drink my freshman year so I didn't gain that particular set of the freshman 15. It started sophomore year and my first year as an RA/my first real job other than nannying. I used this excuse of a new life experience and being so much busier than I'd ever been with a job and a full class load.
Then junior year came along, along with a gut-wrenching break up and food became a comfort. I ate my feelings, rather than dealing with them.
Senior year brought the most stressful time of my college career. First semester I had classes from 8-4:45 on Mondays and Wednesdays and then my practicum experience which was over an hour away. I was also still an RA at the time. If working out and eating well ever fell by the wayside, it certainly did last year when I gained over 20 pounds. I look at it now, and I just have made excuse after excuse.
Now this first year of teaching and trying to figure out a budget and cooking and loan payments and what the heck am I doing as an adult? Luckily, I really only gained about 6 pounds this year, but I have yo-yo'd all year long. The real clincher came in March when I stepped on the scale and my weight started with a 2, rather than a 1. I'm actually sitting here in tears admitting that. Now, I could give a plethora of excuses- I have to be on birth control due to a possibility of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, I'm on an anti-anxiety medication- both things that contribute to weight gain. I've just survived my first year of teaching. I live in an area where our main source of hanging out and "doing things" on the weekends consists of going out to eat. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
Let's be honest- I feel ashamed. Low. Fat. I think about how I used to prance around in a leotard and tights and be self-conscious about the fact that there was a little "pudge" where my tights met my skin, and my skin crawls. That poor 18 year old went through times of debating not eating, constantly comparing herself to others, etc. I don't have a very high amount of self confidence. I am very fortunate that I grew up in a home where I was told I was beautiful and my mother and grandmother always provided fresh fruits and vegetables (and made me eat them). One of my best friends is battling an eating disorder and she inspires me daily. My struggle with food is not nearly like hers is, but it leads me to a realization- we all fight a stupid battle with food.
Now, I could blame society and the fact that a double cheeseburger meal from McDonald's costs less than $5, but a salad costs at least $7. A bag of chips costs less than and feeds more than a bag of spinach. There are so many preservatives in our food that we can't pronounce what we eat. I'm a tall girl, so an "average" woman who is 5'6'' and weighs 135 lbs is not going to be me. I will weigh more. I will never be my high school weight because the minute I stopped dancing I got curves. But it's bigger than that. It starts with me and how I feel about myself.
Having a friend with an eating disorder has really opened my eyes to the fact that a number on the scale truly does not matter (obviously there are exceptions to that with two extremes). I had a doctor's appointment recently where I had blood work done. My doctor explained that you can be an overweight person and still be healthy- not everyone is going to be a size 4 or 6 (and I probably won't ever be those sizes again). My blood pressure is fine, my blood work is great, etc. But am I? No.
I am not OK with how I look right now and my pants size or scale number. But, more importantly, when I look in the mirror, I'm not happy with what is staring back at me. Yes, I get told I'm beautiful by people, but I want to look at the girl in the mirror and see that she's beautiful and not be ashamed to say so.
Let's look at the reality. I'm in my early 20s. I should be in the best shape of my life. Yes, I have the responsibilities of bills and such, but I do not have a husband to take up time or children demanding or needing my time. I have time now to feel beautiful and be healthy.
I've joined weight watchers and had a break through with my running today. (And, shockingly, I actually enjoy running these days). Here's another reality. It's hard. It requires discipline and determination, two things I don't want to have in my "summer mode" where I want to eat whatever I want and have a cocktail or two.
I want to take this summer to transform not just my body and lifestyle, but the way I think about myself and look at myself. I have nieces and nephews who soak up everything I say and do. I'm the cool, young aunt (that's right, I said it) and I have these 7 kiddos who often mimic what I say and do. I also have students who look at what I say and do. I want to set the example that I can love who I am, and that includes my personality and body.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this, but I feel God telling me I need to. At the end of the day, if the One who breathed life into my lungs and put me on this earth can see my beauty and worth, why can't I? This isn't truly my body, it's His- I only have it for my lifetime and then it will go away.
Well, here's to my first motivational Monday. I hope to post each Monday with some motivation and (hopefully) break throughs.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
The Diary of a First Year Teacher
Tomorrow is the last day of school and the last day of my first year of teaching. When I say it flew by, I mean it. So, on my students' last day of middle school, I am going to read Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go, and have them write letters to their 6th grade selves giving advice for what middle school is like. In connection with that, I've decided to write down all that I've learned this year:
Never in a million years did I expect to be teaching middle school, but now I can't imagine teaching high school.
The entitlement of the young generation is real for about 75% of my students.
I am so grateful for my mother and the fact that she took and adult's side over mine and made me do all of my homework before I could "play," and that she made me take responsibility for my actions and words.
I have said things I never thought I would: "Did you just spit on his jacket?!" "What is 'on fleek'?" "No, someone farting in your face does not cause pink eye." And so much more...
I didn't know what I was doing about 80% of the time, but I think I faked it pretty well.
Teaching is a humbling profession. Lessons won't work. Kids will prove you wrong, and that's OK.
The first fire/tornado/lock down drill about made me pee my pants because I had NO idea what to do.
Speaking of bathroom breaks, teachers have to have bladders of steal.
I can eat lunch in 17 minutes while monitoring students, telling them to sit down, and still have time to go to the bathroom.
Standardized testing is a pain in the rear. I like to call it "the 88 ways I can lose my job."
Middle schoolers smell. Seriously.
Boys are more concerned with their hair than any girl I've ever known.
If I really waited every time I said, "I'll wait," I'd be 85.
I have told a stranger in public to pull up his pants.
I have wine more days of the week than I ever did in college.
When I get angry I say things like "good night," "jiminy cricket," and "son of a monkey's uncle" to keep myself from saying what I'm really thinking.
I never knew so many ways of avoiding work existed until I met my students.
Nothing could ever have prepared me for how stressful the end of the year would be. I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my life.
My coworkers are incredible. I've laughed in front of them, danced in front of them, and cried in front of them. I truly wouldn't have made it through this year without them.
I cannot believe tomorrow is the last day. I am so grateful to God for this year of learning and growing. I've learned so much more than what's listed, but that'll be for another day...
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
What teachers DO know.
***Disclaimer: this is is NO way calling out my school, district, or colleagues. The point of this post was to acknowledge a national issue and is not reflective of where I work. I am fortunate that I receive constant support from my administration and colleagues and can ask any question and will receive a professional answer. The frustration lies within those outside of the system who wish to make regulations about the system, not those who work as educators.***
As I get ready to finish out my first year of teaching, I can't help but be completely enraged at all of the school shaming- administrator, teacher, etc.
I'll be the first to tell you that our school system is messed up. Teachers are leaving left and right. Discipline isn't held up like it used to be. Class sizes are too large. Kids are tested too much. I 110% agree. However, what I'd like people to realize is that it isn't a school's fault. I understand your frustrations, believe me. I'm expected to get 127 kids of varying intellectual, emotional, and psychological levels at the same place in various standards. I'm asked to do the near impossible on a daily basis. I have issues with Common Core curriculum. I have issues with how discipline is handled. But, by golly, I realize it isn't one person's fault. It's a national issue. The issues with testing and discipline and expectations don't start with a school, they start with the fact that every student I teach is expected to go to college and that schools are expected to be run like businesses. My students are not "made" on an assembly line. Schools are not McDonald's where a student should expect to walk into each teacher's classroom and come out the exact same formulation of Big Mac.
I read several articles tonight with parents "fighting back" against their schools. Now, I am not a parent, and I do believe that parents deserve every right to have a say in their child's education; however, that is something that a parent "surrenders" by sending their child to school. Teachers act as "in loco parentis," which is why I cannot leave my classroom to go to the bathroom or make a quick copy. An adult has to be present to act as a "parent" while children are at school. My patience is waning for people and parents who tell me how to do my job, all the while thinking that I don't know their kids. My blood boils when people tell me it's impossible for me to know my kids.
Yes, I have 127 students, but I can tell you a unique fact about each one of them:
Your son used to only read comic books, but Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist was the first non-comic he read. I recommended it to him because he said he liked adventure books.
Your daughter writes poetry in her agenda when her peers act immaturely because she can't stand it.
Your daughter will rush through her assignments to read because she enjoys the escape.
Your son goes to the bathroom every day at the end of 3rd period. It's his routine.
Your daughter volunteers daily to help me in my classroom because she gets in trouble for talking if she sits still for too long.
Your son stands up in my class to do his work; it helps him concentrate better.
Your son craves attention so much that he will stand next to another student and say s/he hit him just so the teacher hears him.
Your daughter didn't know who else to tell, so she revealed to me in a journal entry that her best friend's boyfriend was cheating on her.
Your daughter started acting strangely in my class; it turns out a young man was harassing her.
Your daughter doesn't act to her full potential because she's trying to "fit in," but she comes into my room every Thursday during help day just to talk.
Your son did all of his homework last night just to see if anyone noticed.
I know about the pictures your daughter posts on Instagram that she shouldn't.
I know your son reads the Bible every day in my class because he's expected to help with his younger siblings at home and wants to have his "God time."
Sometimes your son skips lunch because he got teased a lot last year for being "fat."
Your daughter waits until you leave for work every morning and then puts lipstick on.
The reason your son has started doing his work and acting appropriately is because he has a crush on one of the "smart" girls.
Your son often thinks of scenarios far beyond those that a 13 year old "normally" thinks of (how wars start, the LGBT community, etc.)
No, this isn't a list of all 127 of them. But please, the next time society wants to tell me that I don't know my students or how they learn, act, behave, think, I want society to think twice. Yes, I'm busy and have a lot of pressure on me, but I wouldn't have a job if it weren't for your child. I hear your concerns, I'm looking out for him/her, because I genuinely love and care for your child. The problems with our education system are just that- problems with a system. It is no one person's fault. In reality, teachers are the bottom of the totem pole in the educational world. I hope you realize how backwards that is considering we're the ones spending the most time with your kids. If you want to make a change, I will help you, but you've got to stop blaming me.
As I get ready to finish out my first year of teaching, I can't help but be completely enraged at all of the school shaming- administrator, teacher, etc.
I'll be the first to tell you that our school system is messed up. Teachers are leaving left and right. Discipline isn't held up like it used to be. Class sizes are too large. Kids are tested too much. I 110% agree. However, what I'd like people to realize is that it isn't a school's fault. I understand your frustrations, believe me. I'm expected to get 127 kids of varying intellectual, emotional, and psychological levels at the same place in various standards. I'm asked to do the near impossible on a daily basis. I have issues with Common Core curriculum. I have issues with how discipline is handled. But, by golly, I realize it isn't one person's fault. It's a national issue. The issues with testing and discipline and expectations don't start with a school, they start with the fact that every student I teach is expected to go to college and that schools are expected to be run like businesses. My students are not "made" on an assembly line. Schools are not McDonald's where a student should expect to walk into each teacher's classroom and come out the exact same formulation of Big Mac.
I read several articles tonight with parents "fighting back" against their schools. Now, I am not a parent, and I do believe that parents deserve every right to have a say in their child's education; however, that is something that a parent "surrenders" by sending their child to school. Teachers act as "in loco parentis," which is why I cannot leave my classroom to go to the bathroom or make a quick copy. An adult has to be present to act as a "parent" while children are at school. My patience is waning for people and parents who tell me how to do my job, all the while thinking that I don't know their kids. My blood boils when people tell me it's impossible for me to know my kids.
Yes, I have 127 students, but I can tell you a unique fact about each one of them:
Your son used to only read comic books, but Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist was the first non-comic he read. I recommended it to him because he said he liked adventure books.
Your daughter writes poetry in her agenda when her peers act immaturely because she can't stand it.
Your daughter will rush through her assignments to read because she enjoys the escape.
Your son goes to the bathroom every day at the end of 3rd period. It's his routine.
Your daughter volunteers daily to help me in my classroom because she gets in trouble for talking if she sits still for too long.
Your son stands up in my class to do his work; it helps him concentrate better.
Your son craves attention so much that he will stand next to another student and say s/he hit him just so the teacher hears him.
Your daughter didn't know who else to tell, so she revealed to me in a journal entry that her best friend's boyfriend was cheating on her.
Your daughter started acting strangely in my class; it turns out a young man was harassing her.
Your daughter doesn't act to her full potential because she's trying to "fit in," but she comes into my room every Thursday during help day just to talk.
Your son did all of his homework last night just to see if anyone noticed.
I know about the pictures your daughter posts on Instagram that she shouldn't.
I know your son reads the Bible every day in my class because he's expected to help with his younger siblings at home and wants to have his "God time."
Sometimes your son skips lunch because he got teased a lot last year for being "fat."
Your daughter waits until you leave for work every morning and then puts lipstick on.
The reason your son has started doing his work and acting appropriately is because he has a crush on one of the "smart" girls.
Your son often thinks of scenarios far beyond those that a 13 year old "normally" thinks of (how wars start, the LGBT community, etc.)
No, this isn't a list of all 127 of them. But please, the next time society wants to tell me that I don't know my students or how they learn, act, behave, think, I want society to think twice. Yes, I'm busy and have a lot of pressure on me, but I wouldn't have a job if it weren't for your child. I hear your concerns, I'm looking out for him/her, because I genuinely love and care for your child. The problems with our education system are just that- problems with a system. It is no one person's fault. In reality, teachers are the bottom of the totem pole in the educational world. I hope you realize how backwards that is considering we're the ones spending the most time with your kids. If you want to make a change, I will help you, but you've got to stop blaming me.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Why Thirty One?
Some people have been asking me about why I've joined Thirty One and started my "own" business. My #1 reason for deciding to become a consultant came down to one thing: money. I took out A LOT of student loans in order to attend UGA (ahem, $47,000), because whatever being an RA and the HOPE scholarship didn't pay for, I had to take out. So currently 1/4 of my paycheck each month goes towards paying off my loans. I am following Dave Ramsey's plan with his baby steps and am working on rebuilding my emergency fund, which was very much dwindled by the $840 I had to put into my car. I am DETERMINED to be out of debt by the time I am 30. I would love to get married either in very little debt or no debt. Getting out of debt by 30 means paying off my loans 2 years sooner than the government says I can do it, and boy do I love a challenge.
I wanted to do something that would help me earn an extra $100+ each month, and Jackie suggested Thirty One because she loves the products and it's a Christian company. I knew very little about the company, but one of Jackie's friends (Courtney Stephenson, if you're reading this, this is you!) has helped me so much through the process and I joined her team. I was actually surprised at how easy it was to make my goal of earning more than $150 last month.
If you know me well, you know I'm not a shy person and I'm pretty open, but you also know that I suffer from anxiety and have for over a decade. My social anxiety has been what is really bad lately where I constantly think people don't like me, don't want to hear from me, don't want to be friends with me, and that I am fat and ugly and have an awful personality, which I recognize as untrue, but Satan loves to hit below the belt. I also currently have really low self confidence because of how much weight I've gained over the last 6 months. I feel like a blimp.
Even in just a month, I've already felt my confidence with Thirty One rise. Thirty One is based off of Proverbs 31 woman and is a company built around empowering women (and men) to be business owners and have a company that they can work into their lives. This is also something I can do from my computer while watching TV at the end of the work day, which is something I like. I can also work and drink a glass of wine at the same time!!
Something that has started out as a way to earn money has already built up my confidence in talking to people I don't really know. I am also getting to learn how to work in sales and what things to say/how to find products for people. I love the way a new bag or purse can build a person's confidence and I feel like I'm able to help my customers feel pretty and put together. This is also a great way for me to spread Christ's love by being personable, kind, and loving in sales, which is an industry that tends to be pushy and self-centered.
I am really looking forward to this new hobby and way to become a more Christ-like, self-confident person. I would love to grow my business and get to know new people! Everyone I have interacted with who is a part of the Thirty One company has been so kind. It was so nice to get a call from our home office when I joined the team and was greeted from someone's personal cell number and a PERSON actually spoke to me, not an automatic message. I would really love either your support through a purchase, joining my team, but especially your prayers for this exciting new endeavor!
Smile, God loves you!
I wanted to do something that would help me earn an extra $100+ each month, and Jackie suggested Thirty One because she loves the products and it's a Christian company. I knew very little about the company, but one of Jackie's friends (Courtney Stephenson, if you're reading this, this is you!) has helped me so much through the process and I joined her team. I was actually surprised at how easy it was to make my goal of earning more than $150 last month.
If you know me well, you know I'm not a shy person and I'm pretty open, but you also know that I suffer from anxiety and have for over a decade. My social anxiety has been what is really bad lately where I constantly think people don't like me, don't want to hear from me, don't want to be friends with me, and that I am fat and ugly and have an awful personality, which I recognize as untrue, but Satan loves to hit below the belt. I also currently have really low self confidence because of how much weight I've gained over the last 6 months. I feel like a blimp.
Even in just a month, I've already felt my confidence with Thirty One rise. Thirty One is based off of Proverbs 31 woman and is a company built around empowering women (and men) to be business owners and have a company that they can work into their lives. This is also something I can do from my computer while watching TV at the end of the work day, which is something I like. I can also work and drink a glass of wine at the same time!!
Something that has started out as a way to earn money has already built up my confidence in talking to people I don't really know. I am also getting to learn how to work in sales and what things to say/how to find products for people. I love the way a new bag or purse can build a person's confidence and I feel like I'm able to help my customers feel pretty and put together. This is also a great way for me to spread Christ's love by being personable, kind, and loving in sales, which is an industry that tends to be pushy and self-centered.
I am really looking forward to this new hobby and way to become a more Christ-like, self-confident person. I would love to grow my business and get to know new people! Everyone I have interacted with who is a part of the Thirty One company has been so kind. It was so nice to get a call from our home office when I joined the team and was greeted from someone's personal cell number and a PERSON actually spoke to me, not an automatic message. I would really love either your support through a purchase, joining my team, but especially your prayers for this exciting new endeavor!
Smile, God loves you!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Confessions of a first-year teacher
When you study to become a teacher, everyone who has ever spent time in the world of public education will tell you that your first year is hell, and I am the first to admit that it is NOT a lie. I can't believe I've already [almost] survived my first semester. So, most people are right when they say, "Oh, you're a first-year teacher? Bless you." But there's a heck of a lot of stuff they don't tell you. This is by no means a comprehensive list.
1. You have no idea what you're doing about 89% of the time. I'm not just talking the procedural stuff, I mean, literally, you're making stuff up as you go. You can plan a bomb lesson (that middle school speak for "great") and then realize what happened in your brain is not happening in your classroom, and you somehow run to various teachers and gather resources because your plan sucks. And it's OK to admit it. Fire drill? Crap, where do we go? Is that sound for a severe weather drill or lock down? You just called into my room for a student? Oh, sure s/he is on his/her way. Wait...never mind, I don't teach him/her!
2. Lunch time with fellow adults is SACRED TIME. Some days, you will count down the minutes until you can have an adult conversation where someone can call you by your first name.
3. Hearing "Ms./Mr. _________" in public is like hearing the "eeee- eee- eee" in the shower scene from Psycho and you immediately wish you could switch bodies with the person next to you.
4. You might pee your pants a little the first time an administrator walks into your room for an observation (completely normal).
5. You will constantly ask yourself if this is a situation in which you push that glorious white button for an administrator, or if you can handle this situation by yourself.
6. People will think you're dumb. Sometimes that will work to your advantage, like when you make a mistake, other times you will get frustrated because that ONE time you actually did know what you were talking about.
7. Kids will think that because you're young that you're cool. Then you'll open your mouth to try to say something to relate to them and you'll realize you should have just kept your mouth shut. But hey, embarrassing yourself makes you more relatable, right? (please say "right.")
8. You will now understand why your teachers misplaced so many things. I've "lost" tests about 3 times since my kids took them on Wednesday. Even the most organized people get lost in the hustle and bustle of the 8,000 things happening in a classroom. I lose my keys on a daily basis.
9. Falling asleep at 9 pm (or earlier) is completely acceptable because being an adult is no joke.
10. You will probably want to quit about 4 times a week some weeks. Anyone who says they don't feel that way is a liar.
11. You will find yourself saying, "We did NOT cover this in student teaching/college classes" almost on a daily basis.
12. "Other duties as assigned" means a plethora of things: breaking up fights, carpool duty, emailing frantic parents in the middle of the day, continuing to teach while a bird flies into your window about 12 times, learning to incorporate words like, "bruh, bae, cutting, fye" into your every day vocabulary, dealing with kids repeatedly farting. Yup. I said it.
13. You will cry. A lot. Out of confusion, frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, and happiness.
14. There are days where you will be the first one in the building and the last one to leave. You will look at the teachers around you and think, "How do you people have lives outside of work?" This part will get better (most days).
15. It will sometimes take about 4 weeks of bad days to finally have one good day where you think, "THIS. This right here. THIS is why I became a teacher." And these days have to be held on to. You have to hold on to them so stinkin' tightly that you might suffocate that day. Because only on a day like that can you realize that one of your students who had a 57 6 weeks ago now has a 79 and got a 90 on their test. On one of those days, you will sit in your classroom long after your coworkers have left, and sob. You will sob because something finally clicked for that child. You will sob because you helped them get there; something you said made sense for that child. Even better, that child will tell you they appreciate you. And as you grade that test the 5 seconds it took that child earlier in the day to say that to you will come flooding back, and the hell you find yourself in won't seem so hot anymore.
1. You have no idea what you're doing about 89% of the time. I'm not just talking the procedural stuff, I mean, literally, you're making stuff up as you go. You can plan a bomb lesson (that middle school speak for "great") and then realize what happened in your brain is not happening in your classroom, and you somehow run to various teachers and gather resources because your plan sucks. And it's OK to admit it. Fire drill? Crap, where do we go? Is that sound for a severe weather drill or lock down? You just called into my room for a student? Oh, sure s/he is on his/her way. Wait...never mind, I don't teach him/her!
2. Lunch time with fellow adults is SACRED TIME. Some days, you will count down the minutes until you can have an adult conversation where someone can call you by your first name.
3. Hearing "Ms./Mr. _________" in public is like hearing the "eeee- eee- eee" in the shower scene from Psycho and you immediately wish you could switch bodies with the person next to you.
4. You might pee your pants a little the first time an administrator walks into your room for an observation (completely normal).
5. You will constantly ask yourself if this is a situation in which you push that glorious white button for an administrator, or if you can handle this situation by yourself.
6. People will think you're dumb. Sometimes that will work to your advantage, like when you make a mistake, other times you will get frustrated because that ONE time you actually did know what you were talking about.
7. Kids will think that because you're young that you're cool. Then you'll open your mouth to try to say something to relate to them and you'll realize you should have just kept your mouth shut. But hey, embarrassing yourself makes you more relatable, right? (please say "right.")
8. You will now understand why your teachers misplaced so many things. I've "lost" tests about 3 times since my kids took them on Wednesday. Even the most organized people get lost in the hustle and bustle of the 8,000 things happening in a classroom. I lose my keys on a daily basis.
9. Falling asleep at 9 pm (or earlier) is completely acceptable because being an adult is no joke.
10. You will probably want to quit about 4 times a week some weeks. Anyone who says they don't feel that way is a liar.
11. You will find yourself saying, "We did NOT cover this in student teaching/college classes" almost on a daily basis.
12. "Other duties as assigned" means a plethora of things: breaking up fights, carpool duty, emailing frantic parents in the middle of the day, continuing to teach while a bird flies into your window about 12 times, learning to incorporate words like, "bruh, bae, cutting, fye" into your every day vocabulary, dealing with kids repeatedly farting. Yup. I said it.
13. You will cry. A lot. Out of confusion, frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, and happiness.
14. There are days where you will be the first one in the building and the last one to leave. You will look at the teachers around you and think, "How do you people have lives outside of work?" This part will get better (most days).
15. It will sometimes take about 4 weeks of bad days to finally have one good day where you think, "THIS. This right here. THIS is why I became a teacher." And these days have to be held on to. You have to hold on to them so stinkin' tightly that you might suffocate that day. Because only on a day like that can you realize that one of your students who had a 57 6 weeks ago now has a 79 and got a 90 on their test. On one of those days, you will sit in your classroom long after your coworkers have left, and sob. You will sob because something finally clicked for that child. You will sob because you helped them get there; something you said made sense for that child. Even better, that child will tell you they appreciate you. And as you grade that test the 5 seconds it took that child earlier in the day to say that to you will come flooding back, and the hell you find yourself in won't seem so hot anymore.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Why "I don't have time to read" isn't an excuse.
As a Language Arts teacher, I push my kids every day because reading isn't seen as "cool" in our culture anymore. I hear "I hate reading," "reading is dumb," "I just can't get into it," and the like every day. I guess I was a nerd, but I can remember exchanging books and talking about books in high school. We would talk about books before school in the cafeteria and after school. My best friends and I would give books that "spoke" to us to each other as gifts. Sadly, this doesn't really happen anymore.
And no, it isn't just because books are on tablets and apps. The real issue: the adults in kids' lives aren't reading anymore.
I came from a privileged home, there is no doubt about that. Both of my parents had college degrees, and my father had a law degree. My grandma also had her associate's degree which, in 1940, wasn't very common for the "average" woman. Add to that fact that I'm white and middle class, so I recognize that I was privileged. I've read articles and seen first hand the effects it has on a child's education when their parents are college educated- it usually means there are more books in the house.
My students have been challenged to read 12 books each this semester and we track their progress on poster boards with sticky dots. I have some students who haven't been able to finish a book, and one student that I have to take books away from so that student will complete their work during class. Out of 122 students, we've totaled over 400 books before the end of the first quarter! I am so proud of them.
Last year I watched in awe as Allisa challenged our students to read 12 books and saw students read through the things happening in their lives. I teach in a more affluent area, so the enthusiasm and support I get from home is much different than last year, but I realized that I read more last year than I probably have any other year of my life. Between August and April, I read 38 books. I remembered again what a coping mechanism that was, so of course I assumed I could keep up that reading pace this year.
WRONG.
I got busy between IEPs, grading, parent communication, meetings, making copies, getting to know my coworkers, trying to find a church, and so much more. I realized I've only read about 4 books so far. I caught myself saying that I didn't have "time" to read. And then I thought about it...
How dare we, as adults, call this upcoming generation lazy and unmotivated, especially as it comes to literacy, if we won't set an example?
We all know the expression, "monkey see, monkey do," yet we tell these kids to "do as I say, not as I do." How can I tell my students to read 10 or so pages every night if I'm not doing it myself. Yes, in reality, I have a lot more to do than my students, but it's all relative. They're overwhelmed by their school work and extra curricular activities and social lives, so asking them to read 10 pages seems like a lot to them, even though it may sound like nothing to me. No, I don't have children which is a whole other kind of busy, but I watch as my sisters have kids and they still read their own books. I vividly remember the stacks of books on my parents' nightstands and my dad sitting on the back deck with a book in hand. My mom often found solace from the insanity of 4 daughters by sitting on her bed and reading for 20 minutes.
We, as adults, cannot call this generation lazy because they don't read because we aren't reading ourselves.
I've asked my colleague's to stop saying "I don't have time to read" in front of our kids. That's not enough though- just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't think it. Yes, I'm overwhelmed by work. I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep my head afloat and not drown in the craziness. I just stress-cleaned my bathroom because I couldn't turn my mind off for 5 minutes.
We've got to change how we think. I bet, if we really tried, we could find 15 minutes a day to read a book. I flipped through pages while I got my oil changed today and will read a few more before I fall asleep.
The truth is, if we stop reading, so will those who look up to us. And if they stop reading...well, we're all kind of doomed, and they will become the lazy and unmotivated generation that they're predicted to be.
Please, never stop reading.
And no, it isn't just because books are on tablets and apps. The real issue: the adults in kids' lives aren't reading anymore.
I came from a privileged home, there is no doubt about that. Both of my parents had college degrees, and my father had a law degree. My grandma also had her associate's degree which, in 1940, wasn't very common for the "average" woman. Add to that fact that I'm white and middle class, so I recognize that I was privileged. I've read articles and seen first hand the effects it has on a child's education when their parents are college educated- it usually means there are more books in the house.
My students have been challenged to read 12 books each this semester and we track their progress on poster boards with sticky dots. I have some students who haven't been able to finish a book, and one student that I have to take books away from so that student will complete their work during class. Out of 122 students, we've totaled over 400 books before the end of the first quarter! I am so proud of them.
Last year I watched in awe as Allisa challenged our students to read 12 books and saw students read through the things happening in their lives. I teach in a more affluent area, so the enthusiasm and support I get from home is much different than last year, but I realized that I read more last year than I probably have any other year of my life. Between August and April, I read 38 books. I remembered again what a coping mechanism that was, so of course I assumed I could keep up that reading pace this year.
WRONG.
I got busy between IEPs, grading, parent communication, meetings, making copies, getting to know my coworkers, trying to find a church, and so much more. I realized I've only read about 4 books so far. I caught myself saying that I didn't have "time" to read. And then I thought about it...
How dare we, as adults, call this upcoming generation lazy and unmotivated, especially as it comes to literacy, if we won't set an example?
We all know the expression, "monkey see, monkey do," yet we tell these kids to "do as I say, not as I do." How can I tell my students to read 10 or so pages every night if I'm not doing it myself. Yes, in reality, I have a lot more to do than my students, but it's all relative. They're overwhelmed by their school work and extra curricular activities and social lives, so asking them to read 10 pages seems like a lot to them, even though it may sound like nothing to me. No, I don't have children which is a whole other kind of busy, but I watch as my sisters have kids and they still read their own books. I vividly remember the stacks of books on my parents' nightstands and my dad sitting on the back deck with a book in hand. My mom often found solace from the insanity of 4 daughters by sitting on her bed and reading for 20 minutes.
We, as adults, cannot call this generation lazy because they don't read because we aren't reading ourselves.
I've asked my colleague's to stop saying "I don't have time to read" in front of our kids. That's not enough though- just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't think it. Yes, I'm overwhelmed by work. I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep my head afloat and not drown in the craziness. I just stress-cleaned my bathroom because I couldn't turn my mind off for 5 minutes.
We've got to change how we think. I bet, if we really tried, we could find 15 minutes a day to read a book. I flipped through pages while I got my oil changed today and will read a few more before I fall asleep.
The truth is, if we stop reading, so will those who look up to us. And if they stop reading...well, we're all kind of doomed, and they will become the lazy and unmotivated generation that they're predicted to be.
Please, never stop reading.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Thankless
This has been the longest I've gone without posting in a looong time, but I had a lot on my mind tonight and purposely left work at work (imagine that), so here it goes.
People tell you your first year of teaching will be hell, and they're not lying. I'm almost a quarter of the year through my first year and dang- I've never been so drained and exhausted and frustrated.
I think the biggest things my student teaching experience didn't prepare me for are the accountability, pressure, and parental accusations. I won't go into much detail, but one parent was so vicious and rude that I cried in front of my coworkers on Monday. No kids or parents were present, but I definitely ugly cried and was mortified. One ever wonderful coworker told me to grow a thicker skin, which only upset me more, but I didn't let them know that.
I'm worn. I was not prepared for my name to be said a minimum of 14 times within the first 5 minutes of class. I solve about 14 crises at the beginning of every class.
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"I forgot my homework. Can I turn it in tomorrow?"
"Can I have a bandaid?"
"I need to go to the clinic."
"My mom wants to know XYZ."
"What's my grade in this class?"
"Can I switch seats?"
Not to mention that I'm not supposed to get on my email during class, but I need to check my email in order to know if something is happening in the school, if someone needs to go to the front office, oh, and put in attendance. And if I forget to record attendance then I get an email reminding me to put in attendance. But don't be on your computer during class.
Some people think I'm incompetent because I'm young. I can't tell people how old I am, and I have a student try to catch me off guard. This is all because their parents don't think I'm qualified. I wish they cared as much about their grades as they did about my age.
There are so many acronyms my head spins and I have to perform just "so" in order to be "proficient" and keep my job.
And God forbid if someone is failing, it's my fault. Not the student who didn't do the work, not the parent who waited until the last minute to check the grades. Some people think it's my responsibility to notify a parent EVERY time a student gets a zero. I have 121 students, "ain't nobody got time for that."
I've also never been so disrespected in my life. I have a temper about me, but I took a theoretical page out of Michelle Duggar's book and make my voice get softer the more upset I get. Occasionally I yell, but I can't help it, and we all have a breaking point. But if I break too much I get a lovely email from someone whose feelings I hurt.
This has been the first week this year that I haven't been excited about going to work. And I know no career is perfect. I know people are tired of hearing teachers complain, but please also remember that some of you can go into an office or a break room for 5 minutes and gather your thoughts. I don't get that. I am surrounded by students from 8:15-4:15, including at lunch time, and I don't get a moment to breathe. I can't even go to the bathroom for more than 1 minute. I use every ounce of patience I have within me during the day and I am wiped. Sometimes, even as a first year teacher, I wonder why I chose this career. Why on earth would I pick a career where my salary depends on how other people perform? That doesn't even make sense!
At the end of the day though, I have to remind myself that my kids are 13 and 14, and they're still learning. Despite having a horrible Monday and a "could be better" Tuesday, I had a day like today. Nothing remarkable happened. I still had to discipline; I still had to raise my voice and countdown from 5 about 27 times; I still had to give out zeroes. BUT I had kids BEG to keep reading the novel we read together because it got "too good" to put down. I heard conversations in the hallway about the plot twist in the book and how the kids had predicted the right/wrong thing. And I had student who has probably spent more days in trouble outside of my classroom than in it make a 91 on an assignment. I was so proud I cried. I can't wait to show that grade to said student tomorrow and witness the reaction. I also couldn't stop laughing in first period because a kid farted and stunk up my whole room but laughingly admitted it. No, nothing out of the ordinary happened, but it was a day that made me realize why I chose this career.
And maybe I won't want to throw my alarm clock across the room in the morning.
Smile, God loves you.
People tell you your first year of teaching will be hell, and they're not lying. I'm almost a quarter of the year through my first year and dang- I've never been so drained and exhausted and frustrated.
I think the biggest things my student teaching experience didn't prepare me for are the accountability, pressure, and parental accusations. I won't go into much detail, but one parent was so vicious and rude that I cried in front of my coworkers on Monday. No kids or parents were present, but I definitely ugly cried and was mortified. One ever wonderful coworker told me to grow a thicker skin, which only upset me more, but I didn't let them know that.
I'm worn. I was not prepared for my name to be said a minimum of 14 times within the first 5 minutes of class. I solve about 14 crises at the beginning of every class.
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"I forgot my homework. Can I turn it in tomorrow?"
"Can I have a bandaid?"
"I need to go to the clinic."
"My mom wants to know XYZ."
"What's my grade in this class?"
"Can I switch seats?"
Not to mention that I'm not supposed to get on my email during class, but I need to check my email in order to know if something is happening in the school, if someone needs to go to the front office, oh, and put in attendance. And if I forget to record attendance then I get an email reminding me to put in attendance. But don't be on your computer during class.
Some people think I'm incompetent because I'm young. I can't tell people how old I am, and I have a student try to catch me off guard. This is all because their parents don't think I'm qualified. I wish they cared as much about their grades as they did about my age.
There are so many acronyms my head spins and I have to perform just "so" in order to be "proficient" and keep my job.
And God forbid if someone is failing, it's my fault. Not the student who didn't do the work, not the parent who waited until the last minute to check the grades. Some people think it's my responsibility to notify a parent EVERY time a student gets a zero. I have 121 students, "ain't nobody got time for that."
I've also never been so disrespected in my life. I have a temper about me, but I took a theoretical page out of Michelle Duggar's book and make my voice get softer the more upset I get. Occasionally I yell, but I can't help it, and we all have a breaking point. But if I break too much I get a lovely email from someone whose feelings I hurt.
This has been the first week this year that I haven't been excited about going to work. And I know no career is perfect. I know people are tired of hearing teachers complain, but please also remember that some of you can go into an office or a break room for 5 minutes and gather your thoughts. I don't get that. I am surrounded by students from 8:15-4:15, including at lunch time, and I don't get a moment to breathe. I can't even go to the bathroom for more than 1 minute. I use every ounce of patience I have within me during the day and I am wiped. Sometimes, even as a first year teacher, I wonder why I chose this career. Why on earth would I pick a career where my salary depends on how other people perform? That doesn't even make sense!
At the end of the day though, I have to remind myself that my kids are 13 and 14, and they're still learning. Despite having a horrible Monday and a "could be better" Tuesday, I had a day like today. Nothing remarkable happened. I still had to discipline; I still had to raise my voice and countdown from 5 about 27 times; I still had to give out zeroes. BUT I had kids BEG to keep reading the novel we read together because it got "too good" to put down. I heard conversations in the hallway about the plot twist in the book and how the kids had predicted the right/wrong thing. And I had student who has probably spent more days in trouble outside of my classroom than in it make a 91 on an assignment. I was so proud I cried. I can't wait to show that grade to said student tomorrow and witness the reaction. I also couldn't stop laughing in first period because a kid farted and stunk up my whole room but laughingly admitted it. No, nothing out of the ordinary happened, but it was a day that made me realize why I chose this career.
And maybe I won't want to throw my alarm clock across the room in the morning.
Smile, God loves you.
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