Weight.

I don't think it's much of a secret that I've gained some weight in the last year and a half, and especially the last year. I am officially almost 40 lbs heavier than I was in high school, but I think if I lost 40 lbs I'd look pretty unhealthy. When I graduated from high school I did not have hips or boobs, and I have both of those things now, so I'll never be "high school skinny." 

I've always struggled with my weight, and a lot of that has to do with being a dancer. I spent about 15 hours a week in the studio, and that meant 15 hours a week of staring at myself in a leotard and tights, meaning that I could see every dimple, every pudge, etc. I look at pictures of myself in tutus and laugh- back then I thought I was HUGE and I was actually tiny. I remember there being days where I didn't want to eat, and I'd only eat an apple for lunch, but then I'd be starving by the time I got home from school and I'd eat 3 bowls of cereal. The pressure to be a stick-thin ballerina consumed me at times. 

Like most college kids, I gained the dreaded freshman 15, but after counting calories and working out, by the time I finished my freshman year I was within 3 pounds of my high school weight- not too shabby, but I'm not there now. Since my sophomore year of college, I've gone through phases where I count calories really well, and then I binge eat like no other. 

I'll be honest and tell you all that my self-esteem is in the toilet. I'm tired of not liking my body, of feeling ugly, etc. And that's not how God intends me to see myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so why can't I see myself that way? The only way I'm going to be able to lose this weight is if I do it for the Lord. My biggest prayer lately is that I see me the way God sees me. It's such a discouragement to compare myself to others, and it's not healthy at all. So, starting today, I'm doing this for God. I'm working to cut out all the processed junk that our society shoves down our throats, and do some sort of exercise every day. For now, my goal is to lose 15 lbs. Not only that, but I'd like to run a 5k by September and I'm doing the Couch to 5K Plan. I'd like to post my progress on here every week or so. Now that it's out there for the world to see, I'm hoping to keep myself accountable to lose this weight, to tone my body. I want to honor my body by taking care of it because that's what God intended. 

"All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you." -Song of Solomon 4:7

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Smile, God loves you!