Path to a New Me (2)

Let's be honest, I haven't been very good the last week. It started with going home for the weekend where I was showered with Mom's homemade food and desserts, plus our friend, Lara, from Germany visited and brought yummy German chocolates. Then I literally just got back from eating my way through Nashville with my friends/SAO sisters. 

How do I feel?
Pretty disgusted with myself, honestly. Bloated. Fat. Ugly. Yep, that about sums it up.
But the food was SO good. 

But I can't beat myself up, because Jesus still loves me. I'm learning that. I'm also learning that the feelings of being disgusted with myself are Satan's vicious attacks. I need to look at myself and be proud of the internal transformations I've encountered this year. In one week it will be exactly a year ago that I was so depressed that suicide was considered my only option to "get better." Today, I stand here being proud of the person I am. God has done so much with me that I literally sit here crying as I type this because I'm so grateful. I didn't and don't deserve this beautiful life. I am surrounded by incredible people. My family, friends, and SAO sisters encourage me daily; they confront my mess ups; they push me to be a better person; they love me UNCONDITIONALLY. Yet each day I sin, and God still provides abundantly. Since about May I've been stressed about money (I pay for school), and just wondering how I was going to make it through the summer and save enough money to pay for parking, SAO, and books for next semester, as well as parking this summer. Matthew 6:25-34 came into my mind, and I had to remind myself that I cannot worry about those things, God will give me my daily bread. What do you know...? Between Grandpa writing me a check with the "Because I love you" written in the memo line and Kristy's birthday gift to me, I had exactly enough to pay for parking this summer. I had to buy an expensive gift for my class, and that same afternoon I received a gift from Courtney that covered over 2/3 of the cost. And my gift from my mom was that she payed for all of the kitchen things I need and my first week's worth of groceries. Then I had the opportunity to go to Nashville and freaked out a little about dipping into my savings to go, and then, no joke, 2 days before I leave my aunt sends me a check for more than what I need for the weekend.
So now you're sitting there thinking, what does this have to do with a path to a new you...?

All of this reminds me that 

He who promises is FAITHFUL.

If I pursue this weight-loss endeavor with seeing myself as God does and honoring my body and treating it like a temple, then He will remain faithful. The Lord spent the last year refining my inner self, and He has now chosen to convict me with refining my outer self. 

My friend Caitlin (we went to Nashville together) is also on a journey to feeling better on the outside, and she told me about Lysa Terkeurst's book and devotional, Made to Crave, which is about "satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food." Lysa is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, and incredible organization (more about that here). Remember a few posts ago I was talking about wanting a woman to be honest with her Christian journey? Well I have found that in Lysa Terkeurst's writing. She's vulnerable about her journey to a healthy lifestyle- she discusses how miserable she felt and how hungry she was in the beginning. She also talks about how she wasn't a Christian for her young adult life and how she got an abortion, along with a string of bad decisions, and how that impacted her decision to become a Christian. Talk about vulnerability! Not only that, but I just bought her 60 Day devotional as well. 

Terkeurst dives into Biblical truths about food, and let me tell you, I did NOT realize how much there was about food in the Bible. Jesus talks about food A LOT. She relates Scripture to what it means to be healthy on the outside as well as having spiritual health. Not only that, but she discusses how this process can bring one closer to God. She also includes "go to scripture" at the end of the book for different "moods" you feel as you embark on and go through this journey. What I needed today: "I was made for more than to be stuck in a vicious cycle. 'You have circled this mountain long enough. Turn North.' -Deuteronomy 2:3"

I've made the decision to make an appointment with the campus nutritionist this week. I want to talk to an expert about what I'm doing and develop an eating plan that works for me, my body type, and my lifestyle. I want to overcome this. 

Smile, God loves you!