What are you leaving behind for the Kingdom?

There are moments in life that stop you in your tracks. I've had a lot of those moments in my 23 years, but this story isn't about me. 

A friend of mine from high school, John Michael, passed away a few months ago. When his best friend dated one of my best friends, we spent a lot of time together. Those that knew him knew he had an innate capability to make people laugh. His sense of humor and love for Jesus drew people in. 

As with a lot of people from high school, I lost touch with JM, but got to watch from afar as his life went on, thanks to social media. He and I ended up in the same profession- teaching English Language Arts to young adults. Upon hearing of JM's untimely death, I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head about his widow. I've never met her- which is what makes it feel strange to write this. I've prayed for her and his family these last couple of months and watched as a community mourned for one of their own. She wrote a post recently on JM's blog about her journey that made me once again stop in my tracks. Her faith in God is inspiring. 

Since hearing of JM's death, I keep finding myself asking myself this question, "What are you leaving behind for the Kingdom?" John Michael touched and influenced countless lives, which was evident as our community rallied behind his friends and family. I should rephrase that- God touched countless lives through John Michael. 

I always think of Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Do Everything." It goes "Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you." I fall so unbelievably short of that every. single. day. My job as an educator requires A LOT of patience. I care for my kids. I care deeply  for those kids, and I know most of them know it. But I have to ask myself- they know I care for them, but do they know He cares for them through my actions? And about 90% of the time, I honestly feel the answer is no. I snap. I made a student cry the week before the break because I put my giant foot in my mouth. I hurt their feelings (usually unintentionally). I get frustrated when they're disrespectful or fail to turn in an assignment on time. I have high expectations and often ask myself if they're unreasonable. I made rude comments to my mom & sisters. I snap at them too. I mutter things under my breath at other drivers on the road. I judge people. 

A week before John Michael died he requested to follow me on Twitter. I hadn't seen the request until after his passing. Would you know that even if I click the "X" on the request, it won't go away? Every time I look at my notifications JM's face is there with his bride, asking for permission to follow my crazy antics. It's a daily reminder to concentrate on what I'm doing for Him. 

I fall short. Continually and constantly. I don't glorify God when I should. I've been reading 1 John lately and the continual theme is to love people, and that's what the basis of Christianity is- love. God is love. If God can love me through my constant shortcomings, than I can love my students through their 13 and 14 year old mistakes. I can still give them consequences for their actions (or lack thereof) and give gentle reminders of what they can and cannot do while trying to mold them into productive members of society. When I get upset, angry, frustrated, or feel beaten down, I need to ask myself "What am I doing for Him?" "What can I do to point to Him?" "How can I show Him and His greatness in this situation?" 

Although I didn't know John Michael very well, even when we were in school together, I can say with confidence that he did more for the Kingdom in 23 years than a lot of people can dream of doing in 80. He left behind a legacy- Love God and love people.